Friday, May 8, 2015

A-Rod's 661st career A-bomb puts him one up on Willie Mays and 659 ahead of Harry Truman; other upcoming milestones

From now on, every A-Rod round-tripper is a moment for history.

Here's where we are:

661: A-Rod beats Willie Mays and ties the Battle of Posbury: In 661, King Cenwalh of Wexxex invaded Dumnonia (South West England), driving the scumbaggy Brits to the coast, where hopefully they learned to use soap. Suggested Yankee celebration for when A-Rod tops Posbury: Hal Steinbrenner appears in kilt and kinky boots, drinks entire quart of Scotch, barfs on map of England.

662: A-Rod reaches the Mian-Chowla Numeric Sequence. As everyone knows, number 662 is part of the Mian-Chowla numeric sequence, which begins with this famous formula.

Look at it. Holy crap, the damn thing practically spells A-Rod. Is that spooky or what? And what if A-1 - I MEAN A-ROD - never hits another HR? Would it be the Curse of the Mian-Chowla?(Or, say it fast: "Man-Child?") Suggested Yankee celebration: Mian-Chowla Night. The first 5,000 fans get slide-rules.

663: A-Rod times Babe times Brendan Ryan reach Sphenic Number. Another madcap, irrepressible thing with numbers. One way to put the sphenic number 663 is: 3 x 13 x 17 = 663. Get out your slide-rule from the other day. That's the Babe (Yankee No. 3) times A-Rod (No. 13) times Brendan Ryan (current No. 17, if he ever heals). Suggested Yankee celebration: Everyone gets a free Sphenic examination from Brendan Ryan.

664: A-Rod reaches the Country Calling Code for Montserrat. That's 664, in case you like odd facts. Suggested Yankee celebration: All fans receive one free phone call to Monserrat. I think Mick Jagger hangs there, so call and say hi. (Note: Local taxes, surcharges, data costs and roaming fees apply. Call cannot last longer than 30 seconds. See complete terms for more.)

665: A-Rod reaches wife of Muhammad.  I wanted to say "A-Rod beats wife... but I don't wanna start something. According to Wikipedia, Hafsa bint Umar - daughter of Umar ibn al-Khattab and Zaynab bint Mazoon - was the wife of the Islamic prophet Muhammad. Who knew? The famed "Mother of Believers" died in 665. Suggested Yankee celebration: Scoreboard congratulates Allah.

666: A-Rod embraces Satan. We covered this in another post. This is the big one. Alex won't hit any more HRs, because fiery demons will drop from the skies, begetting the apocalypse, ending the world - and the baseball season. Yankee celebration: Quickly hoist pennant flag, call it World Championship Number 28 and get the hell to Iceland. Even when the world ends, nobody in Iceland will give a damn.

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