'98 Yanks bounce back, take Game Two over '51 Bombers

Torre's team rips Sain (and three of rain)
Pauly's grand slam leads 13-7 rout
Irabu bedazzles!
Series tied 1-1!
Next up: Allie Reynolds v. Dave Wells

Monday, July 30, 2018

Sorry to burst the rumor balloons, Internet, but a deal for Chris Archer makes absolutely no sense

According to Internet - who spends all her days on the party line, gossiping - the Yankees are "a major player" in trade talks for the continually eroding Rays "power" arm Chris Archer. 

To this, I offer one thought for Internet:

Why don't you just hang up the phone and shut your fat fucking mouth, you goddamm gabby piece of shit?

There. I said it. Somebody had to. So, shoot me. I don't care. Internet is an idiot, and I'm sick of her shit. So there.

As for Chris Archer, what the fuck? For better or worse, the Yankees currently have five starters: Sevy, CC, Happ, Masahiro and Sonny Gray (who doesn't deserve a Cher-like single name). Where would Archer fit? Sixth man? That's why we have Scranton. Would he replace someone, such as Sonny Gray? If so, do we trade Sonny Gray? And what would we get? How badly do we want to remix the chemistry of this team for the home stretch? And why would we do it for a pitcher with a 4.31 ERA, who has been backsliding since 2015?

But wait, there's more! We haven't even mentioned the price tag. Apparently, the Rays want Justus Sheffield in a trade. That's bat-shit bonkers. Sheffield is our best prospect. Archer is 29 and wallowing in misery. If the Yankees had whiffed on JA Happ, yeah, there'd be an opening, though still not worth trading Sheffield. Now... I mean, WTF, Internet, have you gone nuts?

There is one possibility here: Since Cooperstown Cashman almost never flags trades in advance, he's probably just trolling these trade talks, as he did during the Manny Machado auction. Looking back, I refuse to believe we were ever close to obtaining Machado, because - like Archer - there was no place to put him. Miguel Andujar is hitting .338 in the month of July. He should be our 3B for many years. Manny didn't fit, and he probably won't next winter. But that didn't keep old Internet from flappin' her gums.

Yesterday, Boston put Rafael Devers on the DL with a strained hammy. With Li'l Dusty Pedroia likely out for the season, and Brock Holt and Eduardo Nunez playing 2B, they're stretched thin. They might have to deal. So, listenup, Internet: Why don't you just pick up your Princess phone, wedge yourself into the doorway, and start yakking about Boston? In other words, leave us the fuck alone. 


13bit said...

Internet can suck my balls. Internet make my life miserable. Internet leave spots in my shirts. Internet hate to cook. Fuck you, Internet.

As for Yankee news, Cashman so smart. Cashman like Boris Spassky. He looks 10 moves ahead. He can see more far than Yuri Gagarin.

I not question anybody. I good soldier. Pass the fritos, Shlomo.

KD said...

No MF-18-HOFSTOD would have Nunez playing second. They are doomed.

TheWinWarblist said...

So endeth the JuJu.

Pass the fritos.

HoraceClarke66 said...

A Yuri Gagarin reference! Love it, 13bit.

Trebor said...

This post made me cringe. Let’s not yell abuse at women, even symbolic women.

TheWinWarblist said...

I agree with Trebor. In addition, the internet is clearly a dude. A smarmy uncouth unintelligible angry dude-bro with a dirty neck-beard. Think Buck's Puckered Hemorrhoids, but with less je ne sais quoi.

KD said...

abuse? c'mon sisters. gotten toughen up and lift your leg high if ya want to run with the big dogs.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hmm, I like the idea of the internet as a dude. The sort who always knows it all. Who, when you were out late at a party, would take you down some really dubious blind alleys looking to score drugs.

"No, I'm serious, bro! This is where that 'record store' is, with the dusty plants in the window. No, it's totally copacetic. Trust me! Hey, are those police lights? I'm outta here, dude, gotta step!"

13bit said...

I hate to tell you all, but the Internet is gender-neutral. The internet pitches AND catches. It gives and receives, if you know what I mean.

This BLOG, on the other hand, is definitely a dude. And it's funny this came up today, as I was just this morning wondering if there was even ONE woman here. I don't recall ever seeing one non-broken-down-old male on this blog. Nothing wrong with that, but I was just wondering.

Are any of members out there women? Maybe occasionally women? Part-time?

Just curious.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

When the Internet is a man, it blabs on and on about stupid trades.

When the Internet is a woman, it blabs on and on about how offensive Apu is on the Simpsons.

When the Internet is anything other than those two things, it can't use public bathrooms in North Carolina.

TheWinWarblist said...

13bit, you're not paying attention.

13bit said...

Attention-span was never a strong suit of mine...uh...what?

Wait, I have to go chase a shiny thing on my floor.

Hold on, are you saying there are women on this blog? And I'm posting horribly sexist crap that does nothing but offend?


KD said...

Our Winwarblist is a Banshee that can lift her leg higher than most.

13bit said...

Where do I begin to apologize for me despicable behavior? Ack!

TheWinWarblist said...


Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I can't believe I had to wade thru all of this BS to get to the bottom line:

Not one of you guys (and gals?) is gonna miss Caleb Frare.


HoraceClarke66 said...

I think that you are all terribly backwards in using such outdated gender designations! As for me, I proudly consider myself a TransCis...or was that the Cisalpine Republic? Or maybe Transylvania?

In any case, I am (really) happy and proud that we are able to attract women to our ravings (I think the lack of pictures helps, at least I know it does in my case).

But yes, Joe FOB is right: Caleb Frare! How the hell do you trade a name like that???

Just picture the backpage headlines: "MEDIUM FRARE!" "FRARE-A-CROCKER!" "FRARE MEAT!" Uh-boy, better quit while I'm behind...

TheWinWarblist said...

I had no idea that there even was such a thing as a Caleb Frare. I'm still mourning Graham Stoneburner.

Anonymous said...

And when he failed to pitch well...

"Did we stay too long with the Frare"

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Beauty there, Doug K.

And yes, TWW, I miss Stoneburner, too. His failure to make it makes you wonder if there is a god. Much like Archimedes Poso not making it. Why, whhhyyyyyyy???