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Saturday, July 28, 2018

À la récherche d'Ellsbury perdue. Parte Deux: Black Swan's Way

Mon Dieu.  Quel type d'imbécile goes through 10 outfielders? Et en avante le fin de Juillet?

And now, I am expected to leave Florida, to journey to that City of Sighs they inhabit, and save the team. What do they want of me?

It has been months since I practiced my singular skill of drawing the catcher's interference. Didn't they understand that is a metaphor? My entire life, I have been interfered from those behind me, grabbing at my bat, and taking away my chance to run free as un petit garçon once more.

Zut alors, have they no regard for my literary efforts? The time I need to spend on my reminiscences of Fenway days past?

Must I be once again forced out to perform before some crowd of gaping philistines, like a trained monkey?

No doubt, I shall have to play next to that odd little bald man, always très hyperactif. And now, someone named Giancarlo. What is he, a hairstylist?

Can I do this? Am I a man of action, of the deed? Or just a phantom?

There is no choice—not if I wish to keep the $23 million a year they keep sending me.  Mais oui, bien sûr, I will rush to the rescue of my team the way my ancestors rushed to hold the Maginot Line.

I must accelerate my schedule de réhabilitation. First, two weeks of intensive whirlpool and heat therapy. Then, two more weeks of stretching and running, followed by two week of hitting off what they charmingly call, le T.

Then—two solid weeks of les activities de bees-bol.  After that, I will work my way up through the minor leagues again. Two weeks each at high-A, Double-A, and Triple-A ball should do the trick.

To do it properly, of course, I should also spend two weeks in les leagues de Rookie, et le A-bas bol, but there is no time!

That should get me back to the Bronx by about mid-November, just in time for the stretch drive. (Note to moi: look up précisement when the season ends these days. Every year, they seem to drag it out longer and longer.)

This is a terrible sacrifice, I know, and I cannot guarantee that I will return alive. But as they say, there is no "I" in team. Although, there is one in équipe. Aussi, in "time"...





29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm listening on the radio.
On Wade's dp john said the catcher picked up the ball and tagged Wade and then stepped on the plate for the force out.

If he tagged wade 1st, it is no longer a force out.

Leinstery said...

Severino still looks like shit. This is a problem.

HoraceClarke66 said...

A big problem. The one good thing about getting Happ and Britton is that they should stick Severino and Chapman on the DL, and let them rest.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

John popped major wood when Bird bunted.

TheWinWarblist said...

The currency of baseball is outs. Bird did not waste one. And he came around to score. I glad The Master blew his load all over the booth. And probably Suzyn too. Guy's 80. Good for him.

TheWinWarblist said...

Hoss, I'm not sure if Happ is better than an injured Sevy.

TheWinWarblist said...

Dammitdammitdammitdammit ...

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Welcome to Episode 8 of Yankees Black Mirror, where the team loses 5-10 to Kansas City, and Neil Walker is declared their hottest hitter.
BARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheWinWarblist said...

You see here, Ma, you're supposed to take the reliever out before he gives up the 3-run homerun.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Sevy is either hurt or has a dead arm...either way, the Yankees are screwed.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I know. It's why Sparky Anderson was a good manager. ANYBODY can take the pitcher out AFTER the three-run homer.

And TWW, yes, even an injured Sevvy probably IS better than Happ. But now that we have Happ to give us "competitive innings," we should rest our young star, while he still has his am attached to his body.

TheWinWarblist said...

Sabathia's knee is fine, but the infield is going on the 10 day DL after that collision.

TheWinWarblist said...

Hoss, you are correct. Sevy looks like he needs rest.

Leinstery said...

I think it's more likely that Bernie Williams will play centerfield this year than it is they're going to catch the Red Sox. Stick a fork in them, they're done.

Leinstery said...

It's kind of a problem that they are utter shit against teams that are garbage, mainly because 2/3's of the American League fit that description. What they need is a 30 game stretch against the Astros and Red Sox.

Nice to see Bird do something.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Not sure how many radio listeners are on here, but last week in Tampa, John was bitching about the noise. There was a particularly memorable long pause in the conversation while the PA played “Green Acres”. Suzyn said... John, why are they playing Green Acres? What does that have to do with baseball?

Second game of today’s doubleheader? The organist played Green Acres. Not a peep out of Suzyn.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I thought Suzyn liked show tunes?

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

If you wooed Suzyn with promises of “seeing a show” and plopped her on the couch for Green Acres and Chill, she’d whack you with her purse.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Beau,

That would hurt

I bet it is a really huge one. Monty Python sized. And Monty Hall couldn't stump her in asking if she had... whatever in it.

It would match her shoes though.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umS3XM3xAPk

Leinstery said...

John and Suzyn hate Tampa not because of the music they play but because they play it way too loud and too often. Whoever is in charge down there feels compelled to not let a moment of silence into that empty park. It wasn't so much Green Acres, but the frustration with the noise in general. As Suzyn would say, she doesn't need this as entertainment, she's watching the game and is entertained by that.

I believe this was a topic of conversation between them opening day last year.

Anonymous said...

Suzan is correct. Why do they think we have to be constantly entertained while at the ballpark? I prefer to watch from home and between innings mute the audio to avoid listening to the ads. Serenity Now!

HoraceClarke66 said...

I know. It's the same way in which they play hip hop and heavy metal between innings, as if they're trying to attract the young people.

No teenager is going to a baseball game because he can hear bursts of that music between innings, and everybody else is thoroughly annoyed.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I am concerned that, if NYYs go 1-out-of-4 vs. Evil Sox, they will be 7 games out in the loss column.

What's needed? A mega juju intervention to bring Billy Martin back from the grave.

Either that, or a spate of sell-offs RIGHT NOW to build for 2019 and beyond.

Given Cashmoney is in charge, I'd rather try to lure Billy from the post-existence bar into which he's settled....

Stray fact: In 196 plate appearances this year for Scranton, Shane Rob hit exactly Zero HRs.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

Attention, Chasen Shreve fan base:

He be gone to St. Louis. With Gio Gallegos. For Luke Voit (27 years old, plays 1B) and some "international money."

Query: THIS was the reason the team got Britton? So it could obtain Luke Voit?


ranger_lp said...

@JoeFormerlyof...I'm thinking that they wanted to free up spaces on the 40 man roster. Shreve and Gallegos didn't have much upside. Shreve couldn't be sent down so this trade was his only option. Ford was injured in AAA and they didn't have much depth at first base should Bird have something else happen with his foot like a blister or toenail fall off. And they got international money. Make sense.

TheWinWarblist said...

This season is wearing me out! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-HaHaaHAHAHAHAA-
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HoraceClarke66 said...

Sorry, ranger, but I beg to differ. With our pitching looking thinner than ever, this was NOT the time to trade Shreve for nothing.

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