Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Mr. President: Impose a tariff on any Yankee trade for JA Happ from Toronto

Any day now, the worst thing that could ever happen... could happen.

I'm talking about the Yankees trading Clint Frazier, and some reasonable facsimile of him, for the likes of the 35-year-old rentals of retread - Cole Hamels and JA Happ. 

Hamels would come from the Bush Rangers, who are in last place in the miserable AL West. And Happ would roll in from the north - that's right, from America's longtime arch enemy, those nefarious, conniving Canadians. 

For the record, let us hope and pray that our Commander-in-Chief imposes a stiff tariff, long overdue, that forces these measly bear hunters to add an extrar player, say, Marcus Strohman, to any deal that includes JA Happ. And if they don't want to play by the rules, they should be thrown out of the AL East. We're sick of being screwed in trades. If Toronto doesn't want to deal fairly, let them start their own league. They can bring back the Montreal Expos. We don't need them. Buffalo can use a franchise. 

Both deals are done deals. The question isn't "if" but "when," though it's almost "WTF" and "whogivesashit." Texas is 10 games below .500, Toronto just 5 below. Neither team has hope, beyond ginning up an auction and hold some team for ransom. And their prime target, by far, is America, aka the New York Yankees.

A prevailing wisdom is that teams should get more by dealing now, rather than waiting for the trade deadline. Fortunately, Hamels and Happ are screwing their teams. (Happ may be a double-agent, working for America!) Check out their last two starts.

Hamels
July 1 vs. White Sox: 5 innings, 7 earned runs
June 26 vs. Padres: 5 innings, 4 earned runs
(Before this, he had two decent starts against the Royals and Dodgers.) 

Happ
July 1 vs. Tigers: 5.2 innings, 7 earned runs
June 25 vs. Astros: 6 innings, 3 earned runs
(He'll face the Yankees Saturday in what is considered their best chance to scout him.) 


Both are old. Both are rentals (though the club would have to buyout Hamels for $6 million next year, to avoid paying him $20 million.) 

One will probably end up a Yankee. Will it happen at midnight July 31 or the day after their next quality start. And if Happ throws, say, a shutout this Saturday, does it up his price into the next strata? That sounds like the kind of dirty dealing you'd expect from Canada. You can't trust 'em. Tell them to take back their Barenaked Ladies albums, and BUILD A WALL.  

5 comments:

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I was really happy this morning. Then I read this....

Vampifella said...

July 1 vs. White Sox: 5 innings, 7 earned runs
June 26 vs. Padres: 5 innings, 4 earned runs

July 1 vs. Tigers: 5.2 innings, 7 earned runs
June 25 vs. Astros: 6 innings, 3 earned runs

That sounds EXACTLY like the type of pitcher we want for a little more Grey in our lives.

I say keep dining on Lasagna as at worse he'd provide the same numbers and it would cost us nothing. Just maybe he could trick a few teams for a few cheap wins as he'll be a pitcher they've never seen before.

HoraceClarke66 said...

This gets across how fully idiotic it all is.

Neither of these clubs is in a position to drive anything. They should be satisfied with a crate of money and a couple token bodies. But we will give them more. Oy.

TheWinWarblist said...

Those teams can snort my taint.

Parson Tom said...

History should prevent this from happening, but I suspect that our fearless leaders are doomed to repeat themselves. I mean, we can look at midseason pitching acquisitions, but I would suggest that for every Doyle Alexander there are more than a dozen Dizzy Trouts.

Alexander, acquired by the Tigers in mid-1987, went 9–0 with a 1.53 ERA to propel the Tigers to the division title. Detroit gave up future Hall of Famer John Smoltz for that unsuccessful trip to the playoffs, where Alexander was shelled.

The Steve Trout trade was the backpage headline in the Daily News the day after my wedding. Big news as we headed out of town! Bad results! From Wikipedia:

"Trout's acquisition by the New York Yankees in a mid-season trade proved to be a disastrous trade for the Yankees. Though his last two starts with the Cubs were complete game shutouts, and his ERA was one of the best in the National League, with the Yankees he proved unable to locate the strike zone. He walked 37 batters and threw 9 wild pitches in 46 innings and lasted an average of only four innings a start in his nine starts Yankee starts. The Yankees traded Trout to Seattle after the 1987 season, paying the Mariners over one million dollars to offset some of Trout's substantial salary."

Another famous pitcher traded during the 1987 season, Dennis Eckersley, also had a spectacular regular season as Tony LaRussa's closer, only to suffer one of the worst pineapple losses in history in the World Series, so bad that Jack Buck couldn't believe what he just saw as Kirk Gibson gimped around the bases.

Mid-season pitching acquisitions: Fool's Gold.