Tuesday, July 24, 2018

The Yankees Human Resources Email System Was Hacked!

I came across this email w
hile looking for pictures of naked women on the Dark Internet this morning.  Make of it what you will...

RE:       Sanchez, Gary
FROM: New York Yankees Human Resources Department
SENT:   July 24 2018 11:01:00 A.M.
TO:       Whom it May Concern


Please contact Mr. Aaron Boone ASAP and suggest that the following actions be taken concerning Mr. Gary Sanchez, employee in the Catching Department.

  1. Immediately impose a three-game team suspension on Mr. Sanchez.

  2. In addition to the suspension, fine Mr. Sanchez.  $50,000 sounds about right.

  3. When Mr. Sanchez returns from his suspension, assign him to a role of back-up catcher until further notice.

  4. Meet with Mr. Sanchez in the south conference room ASAP and review video of him ambling to first base in the ninth inning of last night's game.  During the meeting, walk Mr. Sanchez through the following steps and indicate that they are necessary in order to kick-start his rehabilitation:

    => Mr. Sanchez should note the time it took him to make that trot in the video and use it to establish a lower-end benchmark.

    => During his involuntary time off, Mr. Sanchez should sprint the 90 feet from Home Plate to First Base.  Over and over.  At least four hours per day.

    => Mr. Sanchez should time each sprint and report back to the team his "best" time.  This normalized time will be compared to the benchmark reading taken from last night's game.

    => The results of Mr. Sanchez's efforts should be posted in the team locker room.

  5. If Mr. Sanchez expresses an unwillingness to execute the tasks described above in Item 4, please forward his personnel file to Mr. Cashman's office with instructions that he should be traded or released.  Immediately.

  6. Meet separately with Aaron Boone, Manager, and let him know that the team will put forth its best efforts to ensure Mr. Boone is perceived as being responsible for the above, particularly Items 1-3.  We strongly believe Mr. Boone will have the backing -- and respect -- of every paid employee in the team locker room ... and every one of our fan customers.

    If Mr. Boone is hesitant in any way, please point out to him that taking these actions would represent nothing other than Mr. Boone's turning point, i.e., the day he became a REAL MLB manager.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

cc: Mr. Hal Steinbrenner


13bit said...

Amen, LBJ

KD said...

Mr. Sanchez is the talk of all professional sports today.

Vampifella said...

Latest I've read is that he's reaggravated his injury from before. I wouldn't doubt that.
Players almost never like to admit up to that sort of thing. I'm pretty sure Bird done the same thing to the Yanks. For what it's worth, I rather see a player on the DL than a fool costing a game.

Rufus T. Firefly said...


Guy on mlb network show just now pointed out that Jogginson Jesus Sanchez (let's just call him "J.J.") is claiming (through the Yankees PR wing) that he was being cautious (dogging it) due to the injury -- yet didn't show any discomfort when he finally turned on the gas for the last five steps to first.

This is a BS excuse from management to try and placate fans who are rightly pissed off at J.J.'s effort.

13bit said...

I don't want to watch that asshole play. I used to think he was the future. Now, he is an unflushed toilet bowl in Penn Station.

KD said...

so, the Yankees decided to play this by putting Fat Sancho on the DL, claiming his groin still be injured. I didn't see him pull up or limp. we must have missed something, Rufus.

to put the best spin on this, maybe they are trying to retain some of Tubby's trade value.

TheWinWarblist said...

13bit, flushing the toilet bowls makes no discernible difference.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Ok, so now he's officially back on the DL but I agree that this feet-stuck-in-wet-cement level of hustle is not related to any injuries.

If you look at the way lackadaisically waddled after the passed ball, it had nothing to do with being injured. It simply didn't occur to him that the runner might go for it. Even if Severino had covered instantly, there's no reason to let your opponent force you into a play at the plate like that. Severino's heated discussion with him in the dugout said it all.

Hat's off to Bauers for heads up baserunning. That's all I have to say.

KD said...

now with Tubby on the DL again, the Yankees have another chance to turn this around for Gary.

My suggestion is to send Gary to one of those rehab places that coaxes addicts off their addictions, mostly pills or booze. For Sanchez it'll be snacks. Make him hire this suite of professionals: a "companion" (as a out-of-sorts race horse sometimes needs to calming influence of a pet goat. Hey. I'm struggling here...), a personal trainer (function obvious), and a personal chef (again, an obvious need for an athlete that has not figured out basic nutrition).

imagine a svelte, lissome Gary springing up from the crouch to retrieve a ball or sprinting down the line with 1/3 the stress on those over-worked hammies. It could be that way IF the Yankees would only listen to me!! Come on, Yanks. Somebody needs to be the Adult in this situation!

KD said...

here's a simple incentive for Gary: no at-bats until he drops 20 lbs, then that becomes his new baseline with a weigh-in before each game. I am convinced that his lack of discipline manifests in excess weight which saps his energy and, therefore, his performance. Addressing the excess weight could alter his brain chemistry, improve his attitude, and (we can hope) elevate his athletic performance.

HoraceClarke66 said...

The Yankees assure us that the MRI reveals an injury.


I'd love to know when that injury occurred. Could it possibly have been when he decided to speed up at the end of the game? That is a classic way to pull a groin, suddenly accelerating after slowing to an all-too familiar jog.

Certainly, it did not look like some injury was slowing him down before that, on the passed ball or the start of the game-ending groundout. He didn't pull up suddenly, or wince, or limp.

But hey, be that as it may, the DL may be the best place for him right now. Let the whole thing blow over, at least a little.

And yes, come the off-season, deal his ass to Cincinnati.

TheWinWarblist said...

Cincinnati is too good for him. He needs to go to a miserable baseball town.

Leinstery said...

No one gets more protection for being a useless turd than this fat toad Sanchez.

Binders got canned for not coddling him.

TheWinWarblist said...

Did you hear Suzyn interviewing Chubbsy? It was painful.

TheWinWarblist said...

How is Drury this wretched?

ranger_lp said...

Sanchez out until late August. MRI revealed he reinjured his gonad in that game.

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