Saturday, October 23, 2021

Boston's out. Hooray... because there's no historical proof that a Redsock championship would have embarrassed the Yankees into an off-season splurge

So... after all the pain, all the frustration, all the deadening Ks and GIDPs... it's Houston vs. Somebody.  I'll root for somebody, anybody. But before we dispense with the 2021 ALCS - the American League Cheater Series (which had a cameo appearance via a mystery CF light) - one final rant on the potential impact that Boston's success has on Food Stamps Hal and his Death Barge.

It doesn't exist.  

There is a slightly bonkers theory out there that a Redsock championship embarrasses the Yankee owner - who, at 51, will live forever -  into opening his precious fanny pack and spending Whatever It Fucking Takes to bring the universe back into kilter. 

Sadly, there is no historical record of Hal Steinbrenner ginning up the Yankee spending machine following a Redsock world series ring. (His late brother, Hank, on the other hand, seemed to take Boston championships personally. R.I.P. Hank: In the end, we needed you.) 

Here is the fossil record. The Redsocks won rings in: 

2004. Boston broke the Curse and humiliated the Yankees so profoundly that the rivalry has never been the same. Old George, thoroughly embarrassed, signed Carl Pavano (then a positive), Jaret Wright and trading for Randy Johnson. The Yankees won the 2005 AL East but fell in the playoffs to the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles California. 

2007: George's health was failing, and it didn't help that A-Rod pulled out of his contract during the world series. Hank told him to go to hell - perhaps the greatest single moment of Yankee pride in this millennium. A-Rod glubbed an apology, and the Yankees stupidly gave him a long-term deal. They resigned their players and, as far as I'm concerned, their premier free agent signing was Billy Crystal. The 2008 Yankees missed the playoffs.

2013. The following winter, Hal was in control. He let Joggy Cano walk to Seattle and signed Jacoby Ellsbury - arguably the owner's two most disastrous moves of this millennium. (There's also Yoan Moncada.) Hal signed Brian McCann and Carlos Beltran. Didn't matter. They finished second in the AL East and missed the playoffs for their second straight year.

2018. Super Hal's response: We signed J.A. Happ, Troy Tulowitski, Adam Ottavino, Zack Britton and DJ LeMahieu, and chained ourselves to Luis Severino and Aaron Hicks for eternity. 2019 was going to be our year, until the cheating Astros' Jose Altuve homered against El Chapo. 

Listen: I'm not saying Hal doesn't want to win. Of course, he does. But there is no sign that a Boston championship triggers any special urgency from the top. You know who feels the real embarrassment? Yankee fans. Ownership just banks the cash and moves on. 


ranger_lp said...

Boy did the BoSox fold up like a two dollar suitcase....

Scottish Yankee fan said...

As everyone else has said it's a pity that both teams couldn't lose

However the thought of Boston and their racist fans celebrating a world series win for Yankees fans is as welcome as a fart in a space suit if you excuse the old joke

JM said...

Boston is hateful but Altuve is beyond hateful. That settles that for me.

Given the fact that the people in charge aren't capable of righting the ship, maybe the Yankees should devote themselves to breaking barriers. A female first base coach? Why not? If Suzyn was a little younger... though she would be more valuable at third.

How about encouraging a gay player or two to leave the closet? That would be earth shattering.

Maybe a Druid or two. A new perspective on Monument Park?

Don't we have any musicians? We need a band to play pregame. Rock, rap, reggae, doesn't matter. Liven things up a little.

Hey, if their set is cooking, we can forfeit the game and let them keep playing for three hours. Think of the guest musicians who'd love to pop in for a couple tunes.

Probably draw more than fans than the blah team Hal and Cashman will send out there.

AboveAverage said...

Hello everybody - formerly Artificial Lemon Flavoring here - I wish that my uploaded image was included in my posts - grrrrrrrrr - BUT - moving forward allow me to say that these days are a tad boring without Yankees baseball. Come on HAL! Come on CASH! How can you leave me so unhappy? So unfulfilled?

AboveAverage said...

WAIT - my image is there! YES!!!! but I'm still so sad about the yankees. so very sad

13bit said...

Despair not, Lemon, for the Hot Stove season on this blog is often merry and dark.