DEAR NEW YORK TABLOIDS

BOYCOTT MLB ON YOUR BACK PAGES UNTIL THE LOCKOUT ENDS!

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Well, well, look who just dropped in: Our old pals, the Rays. Hey, now are you glad that you took those last two of three from us?

Don't mind the pitchforks. Take a seat. The cushions are a bit thorny. You'll get used to it. Checking the weather: Today's high will be in the mid-1,100s, the overnight low minus 52. And you're in luck: For lunch, Chef Adolph has prepared his special creamed sulfur. Of course, that's all we ever have.

So, a quick question: Have you had a chance to ponder the regular season? You know, how it ended? Because we've been thinking about it down here. Seems to me that, on that last weekend, even though you didn't need to win one game - you had home field advantage - you sort of made it into the mini-playoffs. You used all your bullpen. You played hard in each game, celebrated in the dugout like it was the World Series. You won two out of three and damn near made it a sweep.

Thus, we lost the home field advantage in the one-game Wild Card. That was huge for us, even though it didn't matter to you. 

Of course, you did this because you absolutely, totally, completely despise the New York fucking Yankees - and I get it. That is your prime directive: Beat the damn Yankees. After all, we invade your back yard every spring, we broadcast our games into your market all summer, and you have created this imaginary notion that we're always going to sign your players. You feel threatened by us, and you lash out. We're the team you most hate. Thus, you gave everything on that last weekend, and when we lost the home field advantage, you celebrated.   

So... just wondering... how ya feelin' today? A little blistery? Are the sores flaring? Because by tonight, you'll be covered in them. And you actually have a second tier of depressing thoughts to handle: You'll have to wonder "What if?" Frankly, you should have known what all of us fans knew -  that the 2021 Yankees were a Hell-bound ship, destined to sink. Get us in the first round, and we'd go our usual 0-10 with RISP. We wouldn't score in 20 innings, and that's not even mentioning the prospect of Aroldis Chapman holding a lead. Nope. We were the team you wanted to play. 

You had to know how much that Wild Card home field advantage meant to us. And you took so much delight it denying it.  

So... here we are. Today is the Canasta tournament. Wednesday is Hee-Haw Binge Night on the TV. Thursday is All-Day Disco. You're going to love it. Hey, gotta go: It's almost time for Carrot Top.

26 comments:

13bit said...

yep

JM said...

The team to get hot and run the table looks like it might be the Beaners. Sadly.

Can they take the Giants? Hard to say. But Giants are Giants, they came from New York, and I'll root for them.

Dantes said...

Fuck that, I’d rather root for the Houston cheaters than see another out of nowhere Boston World Series

el duque said...

Houston has Carrot Top's color.

Vampifella said...

The Rays were never all that powerful of a team but they are extremely smart and know how to win. They don't really have the ability to get though the playoffs as an obviously powerful team (Sox, Astros) will typically beat their smart playing.

If Yanks did win those last three games and the Blue Jays won over the Red Sox, I'm pretty sure that the Jays would have proceeded beat the Yanks in one and then go on to beat the Rays.

The Yanks this year was a wounded deer and couldn't have lasted much longer. I'm personally happy they were stopped early rather than struggle on to their inevitable hamulating defeat further down the road.

TheWinWarblist said...

Go Giants!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Go Giants, Go White Sox, love to see that WS scenario!

Boston's ISIS and Houston's Al Qaeda as far as I'm concerned, may they both rot in hell!

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Last 2 posts: (a) abandon hope (sounds familiar...) and (b) Rays join us in Hell.

This Rays thing was wonderful. Fun to read.

I hope you saved something for when the Red Sox are eliminated!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious, Duque! But guys, I can't root for the Giants or Dodgers precisely BECAUSE they are from New York.

They abandoned us. They abandoned us for cities they believed were whiter and richer. Fuck them forever.

Go...White Sox! Hey, that's all that's left!

Celerino Sanchez said...

When the Red Sox win the WS, it will be 5 WS wins with 4 different GMs. I thought the GM position was a lifetime appointment.? Also why can't the Yankees get guys the Eovoaldi & Whitlock?

Mustang said...

I'd like to see Bob Uecker's Brewers win it. Bud Selig's Brewers, not so much.

DickAllen said...

Well, Horace, you might consider cutting the Giants some slack, especially if they beat the Dodgers, that most loathsome of all teams (Sux aside).

Your namesake Horace (Stoneham) was wallowing in a cavern of a ballpark that nobody went to anymore in New York. It made perfect sense for him to move west with a natural blood enemy.

For me, as long as they beat the Dodgers, they’re okay. I grew up a walk away from Ebbets Field, and I might still be living in Brooklyn if them Bums were still in residence. Fuck the Dodgers.

And fuck all the rest of you know who.

Doug K. said...

Duque,

Really enjoyed this. Perfect tone and spot on.

DickAllen said...

Are we going to witness an ALL-CHEATERS ALCS?!?!?

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Dick, I'm absolutely DREADING that prospect, URRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

Celerino Sanchez said...

Dick, at least they have the desire to win

DickAllen said...

I know Ken. I feel that too.

Shame Kenesaw Landis isn’t commissioner instead of the wanker we currently have. Most of those cheaters would have (and should have) been banned for life.

At least the Rays are doing it the hard way. Would that certain owners and GMs were of a similar mind. But I guess some places have to become retirement homes for wealthy has-beens.

As for me, it’s an even year. Which means it’s going to be the Giants. At least I hope so.

DickAllen said...

The Yankees have become a haven for glad-in-the pan wunderkind: how many guys have had career years, signed a five-year with the Yankees and then spent the rest of their lives on the IL collecting big paychecks?

DickAllen said...

I had a conversation with a Cardinals fan this morning and we got to talking about The Cheaters.

I got mad all over again. All the players and managers who were clearly guilty as hell about cheating are no different than the Black Sox were and yet here they all are, at the top of the game playing for all the marbles again. And it won’t be long before Hinch has the Tanking Tiger back in the mix.

I’m sorry.. I know we’ve all been down this road too many times already, but it’s as if an old wound hasn’t healed for me - the scab has been ripped off and I can’t believe I’m still bleeding.

Maybe the Yankees are equally guilty of bending the rules, but when I see legit teams like the Rays, Cards, and A’s keeping a legit organization, I just get more burned up all over again.


TheWinWarblist said...

Wow, Gruden is a colossal dick.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I hear ya, Dick Allen, but I gotta disagree.

It's true, the Giants weren't drawing well at home, out of fears (mostly overblown at the time) about Harlem and crime, and also because of a general slump in baseball attendance. But they were still making money.

How do I know this? Thanks to Brooklyn's own, the great Rep. Emanuel Celler, who made the majors fork over their books for congressional inspection.

The Jints were making money because of television. They were in what was—and is—far and away the biggest market in the country.

Harlem was in trouble? Sure. And maybe the Giants, who had been there since the 1880s, could have tried to do something about it.

Nope. Just like every other pro team in the history of this city—including, alack, our own New York Yankees—the baseball Giants saw New York only as a place to be exploited...


HoraceClarke66 said...

...Almost all baseball owners felt the same way, of course. And almost all of them felt that the big, older cities in the East, at least, were done. They had no parking! They were full of people of color! The street were dirty! Eww!

So they moved. To Milwaukee. To Kansas City. To Minneapolis.

Little known fact: the Giants had actually decided to leave New York first. NOT the Dodgers. And at the time, THEY held the rights to Minneapolis because their Triple-A team, the Minneapolis Millers, was there.

Off they were about to go, when the Dodgers beat them to the punch, and announced THEY were going to LA.

At that point, the Jints could've named their price in NYC. Moses was determined to build a stadium in Queens. They could've moved there, if they were really convinced Harlem was so hopeless.

Nope. They simply decided to switch from Minneapolis to SF. A relatively good choice, all-in-all—though not so good once they let the A's move into the area, too.

Stoneham ended up going broke, and had to sell the team. He traded Willie Mays back to the New York team that had the park he could've had—and that was STILL playing in a city several times the market size of the one where he ended up.

They also broke the hearts of my father and uncle, old Giants fans from back in the day when they were the city's Irish team.

They're just as bad as the Dodgers—only stupider.



Carl J. Weitz said...

LOLOL...From yesterday's NJ.com.
Pete Rose said " Ray Charles couldn't even strike out as much as Joey Gallo".
He lambasted the Yankees lineup.


https://www.nj.com/yankees/2021/10/ex-nl-mvp-trashes-yankees-joey-gallo-after-wild-card-loss-ray-charles-wouldnt-strike-out-that-much.html

Anonymous Bosch said...

Chicago: bottom of the ninth, two out, one on. White Sox behind by nine runs.

This is going to lead to the ALCS from Hell (if that theme hasn’t already been used enough in this post). I’ll be finding other things to do, and save my Juju for the National League (I am partial to the Giants). I can’t imagine watching two teams I absolutely hate.

Carl: thanks for making my day!

TheWinWarblist said...

Pete who?

Anonymous Bosch said...

And now Atlanta? This is really turning any ideas of even a modicum of pleasant viewing into total, meaningless, trivial, unwatchable, hateful excrement: Today's MLB!

My only interest at this moment is centered on California vs California (which may be resolved in the next hour or so). The hateful Dodgers (but I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MAX!) are closing in to tie-up the Giants (5-1, top of the seventh).

No way I am remotely interested in the AL. Basta! One can only endure so much filth in one season. Filth vs filth doesn't even offer guilty pleasure, when you hate both teams equally (more or less).

For the last two weeks, I've been diving into our new season of opera, theatre, cinema (the very first screening of "No Time to Die", at 0:07 in the morning; loved it!), ballet (twice more again in the next week), and concerts from our Symphoniker - since only people who show proof of being fully-vaccinated (geimpft) and/or recovered in the last six months(genesen) are allowed entrance (recent negative tests are no longer accepted)- (and they DO check all government-issued documents at the door) - I feel safe enough to go to concerts with 1.000+ other vaccinated people, most of whom choose the option to not wear masks. That being said, I take a free government-sponsored (totally free) PCR test at least twice a week - results good only for 48 hours. I picked up eight test kits today; when done with one I drop it off at the supermarket around the corner and get results in less than 24 hours.

So! Please excuse my meanderings ...