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Wednesday, October 6, 2021

HoraceClarke66: "Reasons to Be Cheerful"

From the desk of HoraceClarke66..


The Top 10 Reasons to be cheerful after last night’s humiliating defeat in 
Fenway Park:

 10.—HAL was stuck with 2 million extra rat-feces dogs.

 9.—No Boone press conference for another five months.

 8.—We don’t have to think about Rougned Odor for an entire winter.

 7.—Brian Cashman will be climbing into that elf costume soon!

 6.—The New York Mets will soon be hiring their 22nd manager in 60 seasons.

 5.—Aaron Hicks is swinging a golf club again.

 4.—Phil Nevin goes back to his regular job, waving in the big jets at Kabul International Airport.

 3.—All those great Yankees prospects will be moving a step closer to the big leagues.

 2.—Gleyber Torres is starting to feel at ease at second base.

 And of course, the number 1 reason to be cheerful today:

 1.—We don’t have to watch Sweats Chapman surrender a season-ending, walk-off home run!



 

36 comments:

mik said...

#11 - Watching Joey Gallo, one of our prized acquisitions, walk in-shame back to the dugout after taking strike 3.

Celerino Sanchez said...

I'm 61 years old, I've been a Yankee fan since I was 10 and honestly it's getting harder and harder to root for this team. It's not necessarily the winning and losing, it's how this team goes about business. They think it's still the 80's. Sign guys to big contracts 2-3 years too late. While everyone else has young players to build around, the Bronx Bummers have no one who fits that mold. Cashman continues to bring in broken down vets, because they are good value? I for one wouldn't mind seeing a complete tear down like the early 90's and give kids like Volpe, Cabrera, Peraza and even Andujar a shot, at least they might have some energy. Alas 2022 will give us Joey Gallo, Iron Mike Stanton, Gerrit "where's my Spider Tack' Cole, Bret Gardner, Aaron Hicks, and every other dead ass loser they can find.

The Archangel said...

#12 Get to buy Rizzo, Gallo , Odor game-worn jerseys and "Yankees Wild Card Winners 2021 T-shirts" merchandise at the clearance rack

Rufus T. Firefly said...

#4 made me spit my coffee.

Sad irony not related to Nevin: Kabul's airport code is the acronym for killed in action.

Joe of AZ said...

It's time to fucking Hire Carlos Beltran or David Cone as manager STAT

Parson Tom said...

I'm too old for this unhealthy obsession. Seeing Boston doing a tap dance on our face was the worst of it. But I suppose that was better than allowing Tampa to prolong and intensify the torture. With the exception of mid-1990s, the Yankees have been reckless and foolish spenders since the 1970s. They buy high and sell low. I'll root for them always, but boy, they are aggravating. Can't wait for Hicks to get back so we can have another ferocious swing-and-miss artist in the lineup.

Easier said than done, but several teams manage to develop exciting young players, especially pitchers, without always giving up and spending big on another free swinger who can't get the job done.

ZacharyA said...

Over the last decade....
$2.3B spent
2 division titles
0 pennants
0 championships

Hal, I know change can be scary, but I don't think it would be very difficult to find a GM to replicate this level of "success" given the financial tools at their disposal.

And maybe... just maybe.... you can find someone to do a little bit better.

TheWinWarblist said...

Pathetic.


Fuckers.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Thanks, Rufus. And great point, Zachary.

As someone else pointed out, this has gone on for 20 years now: going with a team that is almost never quite good enough.

As for HAL...well, a dynasty just means problems. Big payouts to great players, etc. Constantly contending but never quite getting there, while staying firmly under the luxury tax line? That's his sweet spot, in terms of revenue versus expenditures.

We're only going to see more of it—unless and until your New York Mets start to seriously eat into his profits. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

Ian Dury said...

"Why don't you get back into bed?"

HoraceClarke67 said...

Interesting, Parson Tom. The Yankees' first few free-agent signings were right on the money: guys who brought the fans streaming back into the park AND turned the team around. Catfish, Reggie, Gossage, Winfield—all terrific pickups.

Then...the era of Steve Kemp, Dave Collins, Ken Griffey, Jr. Often not awful, but not great additions.

In the '90s, they didn't just rebuild, they also signed or traded for key free agents, such as David Cone. After that, we were back to the big pick-ups of the overrated.

What's the difference? In the 1970s and the 1990s, the picking was done by savvy baseball people, such as Gabe Paul and Gene Michael. In between, Mad King George took over.

Now? We have Cooperstown Cashman. Nuf ced.


13bit said...

Listen, we have been through this all before and we will be saying the same shit for years, but here it goes again:

Hal truly does not care. As long as there is some profit coming in, that’s good enough for him. With his daddy issues, he might actually enjoy watching the Yankees be consistently mediocre.

Brian is a moron. End of story. He is a terrible baseball man.

His job is assured. Hal will never get rid of him.

Boone is just a meat puppet. Brian will never hire anybody but a completely compliant manager who will do his bidding. And it doesn’t matter because Brian can’t put together a good team.

As somebody might say, we have a large sample size to prove all of the above.

Get used to it and hope for some good luck, but in baseball, it’s best to make your own luck.

13bit said...

Also, Boone is a likable guy, but he’s another moron.

If they sign Gardner again, it’s time to hibernate for a year for me. He is blocking young talent and I’m sick of his face.

And get ready for the return of Food Stamps Hal And his wandering band of Poor Me’s

13bit said...

And the last thing I’ll say is this. Like every other son who has inherited a successful business and a fortune, Hal thinks he’s a genius when he really is not that smart.

Parson Tom said...

Yup. Nailed it. Nepotism and a complete disregard for results.

ranger_lp said...

@13bit...to support your statement about Boone...

@AaronBoone:

"The league has closed the gap on us”

-snip-

Can't get any more moronic than that...

Ironbow said...

Bottom line: The Yankees are in serious shape, from top management on down. Without a radical revamp in philosophy, the team will be mediocre for many years. Reality bites (hard).

Ironbow said...

@ranger_lp Yeah, Boone truly is a moron. " ... closed the gap on us." ROTFL ...

Anonymous said...

I think I have it figured out. Hal doesn't want to win. Nor does he want to maximize profit. He wants to keep the status quo and make a bit of money, but not too much. Why would he do this? He's smart enough to listen to his accountants in order to keep away from a higher tax bracket that will cost him half his profits. Apparently, keeping the Yankees mediocre actually maximizes his after tax income.

The proof will be in the off season. After another debacle, Hal would have to be incredibly stupid not to clean house and bring in new management. But he won't. So either he is stupid or listening to his accountants. I think it's the latter; he's not stupid. No one is this stupid.

Nothing worth talking about will happen this winter. Brainless Cashman will be back. Boooooone, who was nothing more than a trained monkey pushing buttons on a console, will be back. As far as Hal is concerned, all of these buffoons did an excellent job of miring in muck, keeping the status quo.

They actually were able to salvage that stupid line "the playoffs are a crap shoot". Yet, they did the absolute bare minimum in the playoffs: one game and out. That is an incredible achievement, from Hal's viewpoint. Huge tax savings. His accountants are congratulating him.

The Hammer of God

Platoni said...

What grinds my gears (as Peter Griffin would say) about this team is not the streaks, first down then up then down again. It's not the endless game of hot potato they play where the potato is failure - one day it's the pitching that blows it, next it's the hitting, after that coaching or baserunning, sometimes all of the above. It's not the addition of dead puppy eyes veterans who meekly walk to the dugout after striking out swinging (but, boy, do they know how to celebrate a homerun by a teammate).

No. What gets me about this team is how on every elimination game (except when playing Minnesota) they seem so lifeless, so unprepared, so...dull. They resemble their manager, like a dog resembles his owner after a while. It's no wonder that a man whose very tirades towards umpires and subsequent tosses seem scripted and calculated for maximum impact does not inspire the least bit of inspiration on his players.

DickAllen said...


I’m thinking back wistfully to a moment in history when the Yankees could have might have should have signed Mattingly as manager. He would have been equally inept in learning on the job, but we would have forgiven him his inexperience because, well, he was not only our guy, but THE GUY.

Instead we will be forever tortured by this swizzle stick who mutters embalmed platitudes so sickening I stop listening to him even before spring training.

I never thought I say this, but I am relieved this season is over.

Fuck them all. Big and small.

HoraceClarke67 said...

I know. "The league is catching up to us"...when you haven't even been in the World Series in 12 years. When the team that beat you—again—hasn't lost to you in the postseason since 2003, and has won 8 of the last 9 playoff games since.

The league is catching up to us.

Hey, I hear the league is catching up to the Knicks, too. And the Jets.

Unknown said...

Number four is the best.

And now the organized misery begins:

Statements from the Yankees. Commitments to winning it all . Expressions of what we learned. Toss around a few big names ( we might sign) on the open market. Boone loving the guys in the room and being "here." Some stories about " bad luck" and injuries. Optimisim about our strong minor league system.

But here is the truth.

Cashman and Boone will talk about change. About doing things differently. But they cannot.

Someone already suggested that we "turn the tables" by bringing up and starting a bevy of young players ( Volpe, etc ). This is the kind of radical vision we need. But it wont happen. Cashman and Boone can't do it. It is like asking them to eat without using a fork.

They will talk about how good some young Yankees are and then sign old veterans. The veterans may be 31 instead of 35, so they can call them " young and fresh."

You saw what Boone did with Velazquez yesterday, right? He started him ( smart and gutsy ), but at the first intersection , he pinch hit Odor for him. I knew ( we all knew ) Odor was going to strike out. And he did.

That was how Boone handled a fresh young guy at a big moment ( Isn't that how he ruined Deivi Garcia?).

So the Yankees cannot change unless there is change at the top. Hal is not selling the team, so that leaves Cashman and Boone.

If they stay, you will hear words of change, but there will be none. Boone will be lauding the physical conditioning of Aaron Hicks. And Sanchez will be leaner and ....I can't even go on. There is no point.

THe Yankees will be the same old, tired hay wagon. We'll go 2-12 and then 9-4. We'll lead the league hitting into DPs, getting thrown out on the bases and striking out. Two runs will be our offense , on two solo HRs.

Chappy will be our closer. But we'll hear a lot about the " stuff" of Abreu and Johnny Lasagna.

We will still edge out the Orioles for fourth place, but by a slimmer margin.

Some things never change.






HoraceClarke67 said...

bitty, Hammer, everybody: I don't think HAL doesn't WANT to win. I think he's just not that focused on it.

What was that movie title from some years back? "He's just not that into you."

HAL's just not that into the Yankees. He'd like to become an international soccer mogul, maybe. Or he's into the family's racing stable. Or who knows what.

As bitty and Parson Tom point out, this is the trouble with nepotism—and monarchies. And it's no coincidence that the worst NYC sports moment in over 50 years has been brought about by idiot sons.

Or maybe that's unfair. Maybe they just like to stop and smell the roses. When you inherit the world, why get all excited about how a ball team is doing?

For HAL, it's like saying he should get all worked up over his Apple stock.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Pretty devastating, Unknown. And pretty true.

ranger_lp said...

@Hoss...ya don't have to win a championship when ownership gets millions of dollars in profits every year...like the NY Football Giants, and those teams playing at Penn Plaza...

Carl J. Weitz said...

The one area I disagree is the daddy issues. While I agree that Hal might subconsciously or overtly hate the team for stealing daddy's attention away from him, the fact that daddy hired him would likely mean no re-up for Cashman. Unless Hal realizes that Brian is a complete incompetent and intends to keep him around forever to destroy the team. But the percentages are with the former because ruining the team would tank the Yankees resale value. Such internal conflicts of the human mind.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Boone is the worst Yankees manager in my lifetime. He has now even surpassed Stump Merrill.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Now THAT I agree with 100%!

Carl J. Weitz said...

Okay Dick.. it's now official!
I owe you and the win total champion a case of beer or a reasonable substitute. And while I'm in the buying mood, one to El Duque for his daily efforts in running a great blog.
I just need to figure out how to deliver the goods. Such as local liquor store information so I can buy online or over the phone.
Any suggestions?

Ghost of King Kong Keller said...

#4 is hilarious. Want to thank El Duque, Hoss, JM et al. Your daily wit and wisdom made this miserable season a little less miserable. Of course, next year will be worse.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Iron...the Bloated Front Office has no motivation to change. They also most likely have some incriminating financial documents concerning illegal shenanigans involving the Yankees corporation and the Steinbrenner family. There is no other logical explanation for their longevity.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Hammer...I have to disagree with your theory about Hal's profit incentive. I would speculate that he has corporate opaqueness much like those involved in the Pandora or Panama Papers so that he need not worry about true profits.

Joe of AZ said...

YES!

Joe of AZ said...

No tell me that wasn't a real quote from Boone...bruh

HoraceClarke67 said...

To be sure, Carl, I have no real notion of how HAL feels about his late father, one way or the other. But whenever you have people slipping in an inheritance like this, they just don't tend to have the fire in the belly that daddy did.

That can be good—certainly, we could have used a George who dialed it back a notch or two. But usually, it just leads to a lack of motivation, and/or a desire to succeed in something that dad did not (such as soccer).