Thursday, July 7, 2022

Dear Mr. Gallo: You are running out of time, but this weekend, the eyes of Fenway shall be upon you. Can you save your season?

Hot scoop: Last night in P-Town, Joey Gallo walked twice, struck out twice, and homered - yes, a HR! the 3rd and 4th runs of a soul-lifting, rib-tickling, 16-0 laugher. In the postgame gaggle giggle, a jubilant Gallo invoked the same, basic hand-tooled message that he's sounded out all season: 

1. That he wants to stay a Yankee.

2. That he loves the chemistry of this team.

3. That he sucks. 

Said Gallo: "There are three sides of baseball: baserunning, defense and offense and I haven’t done one of those well this year. I don’t want to be the one holding this team down."

Sad words. True words. And here is where, in normal moments of cognizance, we would unleash a massive, elephant's barf of stats, revealing the worst numbers in MLB, a batting average 50 points below his weight, an embarrassment on every  Jumbotron. We can fling stats on Gallo like a box of feathers at a tar figure, we can waterboard him with numbers... but why bother? Nearly a year after he joined the Yankees, Gallo has yet to enjoy a "Welcome to New York" moment - you know, that Giambi grand slam, or even the climactic three-run dinger that Slade Heathcott bequeathed in Tampa a few years back. 

Gallo's greatest moment in pinstripes? It might be that perfect bunt last fall, out-smarting a four-outfielder over-shift. (Every time a batter beats an over-shift with a bunt, an angel in heaven gets his wings.) Mickey Mantle used to bunt his way out of slumps. So did Big Papi. For inexplicable reasons, Gallo seems to have forgotten how. 

We'd miss those  Galloeyes.
Which brings me to - as usual - another "biggest series thus far!" weekend: four games in Boston that will determine our mental outlook over the all star break. The Yankees will either head into the mini-vacation with the AL East in the bag, or we will face a sickly sense that the first-half was a mirage, that a lot of votes are yet to be counted, and that The Big Disappointment is yet to come.  

For Gallo, too, this must be the crossroads. A big weekend - maybe a HR, a few pop fly doubles off the monster, a few walks, maybe a bunt? - well, it might not save Gallo's Yankee career. It might just be too late for that. But it could determine whether he gets the final three weeks of July to plead his case.

This weekend, Gallo needs to be a wrecking ball. Anything less, and we'll be stuck in the bidding war for - ugh - Andrew Benintendi. We're probably already there. Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe in redemption? Slade Heathcott retired three years ago. Last we knew, he wanted to become a commercial airplane pilot. Wherever he is (and we wish him well), he's now 31, three years older than Gallo. He had his Yankee moment. Is there one for Joey?


TheWinWarblist said...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

JM, I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I have a passing acquaintance with cancer care. Please reach out to me if you need a sympathetic ear. Some of the Commentariat and our Fearless Leader know how to reach me.


The Archangel said...

JM. Keep the faith.
I'm a colon cancer survivor and the surgeries sucked like a BoSox streekwalker.
That was 11 years ago, so I hope the all the advances in treatments, etc., will help her.

PS., Gallo stills stinks.
He will probably hit two flies to the Fenway deadzone in CF and Boone will say how he's really gettin his stroke back.

TheWinWarblist said...

The Archangel, Gallo looks like he's had a stroke.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

JM, please know that we are all sending epic healing Judgetonian levels of love your way, to both you and your wife,,,, Hang in there Brother!

Rufus T. Firefly said...


We are rooting for return to good health for you and especially your wife -- more than we want the intern fired. I'll second all of the above comments.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Prediction: Stanton will unleash a fury of force in the four at Fenway!

JM said...

Thank you all. My wife had colon cancer about five years ago and all of it was removed by a great surgeon. The rub since then has been the stray cells that trekked up to her lung and start to multiply into nodules.

It's not fun. But she should be OK. I hope.

Meanwhile, 16 runs...teeing off on a second baseman who's pitching seemed kind of nasty, not sporting, somehow. But the game is the game, and that's how it goes. Everyone got to pad their stats a little.

Tonight we start four with the Beanheads, then three with the Reds--a tomato can. Then three more with the Sox. That's seven games with them before the All-Star break. This is going to be a telling week and a half.

AboveAverage said...

JM - a great surgeon is always a fortuitous find.

el duque said...


I believe Gallo will hit three home runs this weekend - one for your wife, one for you, and one for posterity.

In the meantime, we're send all the juju we've got your way. Thanks for joining this blog.


DickAllen said...

My prayers are with both of you JM.

If Gallo hit three this weekend, I still won't like him.

Doug K. said...


What everyone here said +1.

Take care my friend and let me add an ancient Hebrew prayer.(Because it couldn't hurt). El Na Ra Fa Na La. (Please (G-d) let healing be now). When repeated like a mantra I've seen it do some good things.


As to the Yankees. I'm not sure Gallo is our biggest problem tonight. I just read that Cole is 1-3 with 5.06 ERA lifetime at Fenway.

ZacharyA said...

Cole at Fenway as a Yankee:

2.0 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, 2 HR
6.0 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 1 HR
5.0 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 1 HR
5.0 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 5 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 3 HR

That's a 7.00 ERA.

Would be nice if our $300M ace could pitch in our rival's park.

Doug K. said...

ZacharyA - Yikes that's even worse.

As an aside. The scores of the two game series against the Pirates was a 1960 throwback. They win the close one we blow them out in the other. Good thing it didn't go seven.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Glad to hear it's looking good so far, JM. Fingers crossed.

And I join everyone else here in saying, if there's anything we can do—anything at all—just put it out there. We're all happy to help.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Nice 1960 WS ref, Doug K.—the worst trauma in Yankees history before the 21st century. Mitigated (a little) by the fact that the Yanks had to play on a field that looked like an open construction site.

AboveAverage said...

Someone just called me on my cameraphone and said in a weird, Mike Tyson-like robocall voice, "They're gunna trade Judge and Keep Gallo" and then hung up before I could respond.

What annoys me is that they didn't even offer to save me money on my TV and Internet service.

I tried calling back but the number is not in service.

Should I be worried?

Should I go out to the lake and wait for pieces of thin crust pizza to come flying into my hand?

Evil Bastards!!!

BTR999 said...

RE: Gallo, I think pretty much everything that can be said has been said.
Yeah, I think a good series this weekend might keep him in NY, maybe past the T/D.
(Personally, I’d love to bring up Andujar, stick him in LF for the next 4 games and let him pepper The Wall)
Some guys just can’t handle NY. and Gallo’s one of them. If we trade him, we won’t get much, and
if he lands in someplace like SD or MIL I’m willing to bet he reverts to the player he was before NY.
So what we have here is kind of a lose/lose scenario that the team is trying to wring some win out of.

Doug K. said...

"Should I go out to the lake and wait for pieces of thin crust pizza to come flying into my hand?"

At first I liked the commercial but after 463 times it's wearing a little thin.

Plus, why would you eat pizza that has touched lake water? I'm guessing one of the toppings is giardia.

Alphonso said...

Wait, Gallo is three years younger than Slade? I thought Joey, best case was 36.

He plays like 36.

AboveAverage said...

Don't knock Giardia - it's a fine and tasty topping so long as the cheese is made from fermented Flagyl

DickAllen said...

And in other baseball-related news:

RIP Sonny Corleone. Again.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


what I've learned in 68 years is that the care-giver often is in need of something extra (albeit not surgical care) too.

By all means, take care of her.

But don't short yourself. Taking care of yourself enables you to be there when she needs you.

You probably already know that. BUT: At the very least, when she gets better, she might actually want you to be around.

Mildred Lopez said...


I know we don't know each other, and I'm new here, but if there's anything I can possibly help you with please let me know. My email address is on here somewhere and I'm sure our overlords can find it.

JM said...

You are all the best blogmates a guy could ask for. I thank you, my wife thanks you, and Doug, I will give that prayer a try.

BTR999 said...

All the best to you both, JM!