Thursday, July 14, 2022

Hope Week Hell: How naive were we to think the Yankees would simply stay healthy all year?

We knew this rotten day would come. 

We ignored the omens. Elon Musk. John Sterling, missing games. David Cone's hip. Our inability to finish off Houston, Tampa and Boston. We sluffed them off. How bad can it be, at 14 games up? We expecte speed bumps, and a market correction for our good health and fortune. Nothing lasts forever, (except for Suzyn Waldman... she is immortal.)

We were getting career years, magical seasons, from players whose legacies thus far have been medical bills larger than the state of Delaware. We told ourselves that Aaron Judge just needed a contract incentive, that Luis Severino was a lion, and that, this time, Aaron Hicks was here to stay.

Well, so much for that.

Today, we know what we secretly always did: That the juju gods who ignored us from April to June were simply waiting. They're at our doorstep, and - listen: They are fucking assholes. It's time to take stock of what's to come.

Throughout his career, Josh Donaldson has suffered calf injuries worthy of the C-word: Chronic. He missed 38 games in 2017, only played in 52 the following year. He's had shoulder issues, too. The Twins wrangled a full year out of him in 2021, then happily punted. He's 36. 

Throughout his career, Giancarlo Stanton has been a tweak magnet. The hope that we've swallowed - that he'll stay healthy by playing more outfield - remains untested. Stanton has suffered from quad strains, hamstrings, laterals, gonads, you name it. When he pulls something, it's like a whale losing his fin. Thus far, he's played in 73 of the Yankees' 88 games. He's 32. 

Throughout their careers, Jordan Montgomery and Jameson Tailion have been poster boys for Bernie's health care plan. Both missed vast stretches after surgery. Monty has thrown 96 innings this season, on track to bypass his previous career peak (157 innings) by far. Tailion - currently floundering, (something wrong?) - has thrown 94 innings, headed toward his biggest workload since 2018.

We can sit back and Susan Collins this thing - just nod our heads, drink the Kool-Aid and assume everything will be okay. But spring injuries decimated Toronto, Tampa and Boston. Now, it's our time in the shooting gallery. 

The Yanks claim Hicks' injury is nothing, just a bruise, the x-rays came back negative, and rub a little dirt into it, and he'll be good to go this weekend. (Yeah, and I'm the Easter Bunny.) Anybody who saw him hobble off the field Tuesday night wonders otherwise. If he returns against Boston, this has the trappings of an 0-for-15, 10-runners-left-on-base weekend. It might be wise to rest him through the all star break. Then he can launch another cold-hot-hurt cycle.

Judge has worried us for weeks. In his last 30 games, he's hitting .221. Lately, he's missed time due to "lower body tightness." WTF is that? His legs are shot? I cannot help but wonder if his issues stem from playing CF, from running gap to gap. He also faces the Yin-Yang of contract negotiations, which the Gammonites never let go. We thought it was wonderful: he'd pile up big numbers for his big contract. Now, we're hitting the Upside-Down world of that argument. What if he slumps in the second half... as he did once before?

And Sevy - dear god, Setback Sevy - dunno what to say. He's one of the saddest Yankee stories in this millennium, and then, damn... he was back. He was showing the world perseverance and character. Our hero. Then, last night, ka-boom. 

Listen, this guy just doesn't walk off the mound on a whim. Something is wrong, really wrong. He's thrown 86 innings this year. Over the last three seasons, he had less than 20. 

The juju gods, I'm telling you, they're assholes. And they're out there. DON'T ANSWER THE DOORBELL!

31 comments:

JM said...

Wasn't there a Julius Caesar thing about bewaring the Ides of July? Or was that Caesar Romero? Regardless, we're about to see if the second half doesn't make an asp out of Cashman, and reveal all the serious faultlines of what he's built.

TheWinWarblist said...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK







Fuck.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Susan Collins, of course a big Yankees fan, was quoted yesterday in the Bangor Daily News as being "concerned" and " upset" about the team's rash of injuries and 3 game losing streak. She is, however, optimistic about the Yankees moving forward after getting assurances from team executives and medical staff that all is well.

AboveAverage said...

FIRST DRAFT:

This reminds me of a nightmare. You know the one........

You're on a big plane coming back home from a wonderful vacation. At some point after eating your impossibly delicious in-flight meal you fall asleep. Suddenly your jolted awake by a Tyson-like punch of turbulence which causes the entire cabin to vibrate like your riding on top of one of those pneumatic paint can shakers at your local Ace hardware store. Passengers begin to panic as overhead compartments burst open, blaring sirens go off and the flight attendants dart around the cabin doing they can to secure the chaos. A terrified woman sitting in the aisle seat across from you screams out "WHAT'S HAPPENING!" to one of the attendants as she rushes by. The attendant stops, turns around and you see that she's actually Brian Cashman made up as a woman, dressed in a retro-60's stewardess uniform. In a grim monotone, Lady Brian looks at the woman and says "Stay calm please. Everything is going to be alright. We've got this all completely under control. Then, just like flipping a switch, the plane enters into a nose dive and after about 30 seconds of unimaginable terror, crashes.

Yep --- sorta just like that.


ranger_lp said...

LOL was thinking the same Carl...

The Hammer of God said...

Here is a quandary for anyone who loves Aaron Judge. If Judge hits .220 for the remainder of the season and the Yankees don't win the WS, he actually becomes much easier to sign. For one thing, his price tag dives down. (And remember, Yankee management doesn't really want to win. They fear winning a championship like getting infected with smallpox or leprosy.) If Judge gets hot, ends up hitting .300 with an OPS over 1.000 and the Yankees win the WS, I think you can say good-bye to Judge. He'll be going to California without an aching in his heart, per Robert Plant.

The Hammer of God said...

Re. Aaron Hicks, Cashman loves to play a man short. We've seen this a zillion times over the past decade or more. Someone gets hurt, we play a man short for two weeks until finally the stupid Brain DLs the guy retroactively and brings somebody up. So tired of this stupid act. Put Hicks on the DL already and bring up Florial. I think the reason that Brain always pulls this stupidity is pretty simple. He doesn't want to pay the major league salary to the call-up for the two weeks time. Nickel and dime bullshit, the Yankee way.

The Hammer of God said...

Yesterday didn't even feel like a win. That was Cin-ci just throwing away a game. Had they pitched to Stanton, I'm pretty sure he would've struck out. In fairness to our resident blind man, he did hit a big homer to tie the game and set up the Cin-ci throw away.

AboveAverage said...

TYLER WADE?

REALLY???

JM said...

Yankees unlikely to pursue Andrew Benintendi trade because he's unvaccinated https://trib.al/VlRHAUa

JM said...

Tyler Wade going to Scranton. Where he'll be in purgatory with Locastro, Miggy, Florial...

Publius said...

Cashman, as we all know, is a first ballot International League Hall of Famer. Assembling an outstanding AAA team is his truest talent. Scranton's decade and a half under his guidance has been historically dominant. In a few years, they're going to build a monument to Cash in Scranton on Boulevard Avenue (yes, you read that right, "Boulevard Avenue" exists in Scranton). Only 1 national championship to show for it (2016, y'all remember that, when well-adjusted not at all clueless weirdo Clint Frazier threw the final out of the championship game in Memphis into the stands?), but ask Bobby Cox, Greg Maddux, Chipper Jones and John Scherholz about the vagaries of postseason play. Anyway, this year the RailRiders got off to a miserable start. Looked like Cash was taking this year off, 2022 would be the exception that proves the ruleof Cashman AAA genius. But lo and behold, the RRiders are tbe hottest teamm in the IL over the last month, and only 5 out as the mid season break approaches. So what does Cash do? Brings in Tyler Wade. Cash doesn't rest, or concede. Expect big things from Scranton in the second half. Tbe AAA national championship is in Vegas at the beginning of October. Scranton just may be there.

Carl J. Weitz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JM said...

Although...can you imagine a game where both Locastro and Wade are in the lineup? If they can get on base, the stealing potential is incredible. And if it's a close game, maybe they both see action as pinch runners.

Carl J. Weitz said...

I thought they wouldn't pursue Benintendi all along as he is also uncircumcised.

JM said...

You're right, Carl, that would've disqualified him, too.

AboveAverage said...

But wait a second - he has bad knees.

Wouldn't that requalify him for consideration?

DickAllen said...


Hammer, if Judge hit 220 the rest of the year, there would be no reason to sign him - he's been in a deep hole the past few weeks and I gotta believe there is something wrong. The Yankees are saying nothing at all, which can only mean he's headed for a long stint on the IL, and could possibly be joining Hicks after the break. My guess is the Yankees will use the break before making any decisions. Then the IL will be crowded enough to warrant call-ups.

Didn't something similar happen last year as well? I seem to recall a surge of youth midway through before the regulars came back resulting in the sky falling. Maybe it was two years ago. My feeble, soon to be senile, brain can't remember that far back.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Love the "asp" line, JM!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Too bad we can't bring any of those hard-hitting kids at Stanton up for a shot of youth. But then, that would endanger our chances for another Governors' Cup. Or whatever it's called these days.

ranger_lp said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ranger_lp said...

Just when you thought it was safe to visit IIHIIFIIC, I read Tyler Wade is back...just kill me now...

borntorun999 said...

Big games from Andujar + Florial in SWB last night. Both are as ready as they’ll ever be. The team cannot be
criticized enough for playing Gallo over Andujar, or Carpenter for that matter.

Lots of commenters here like to rip on Michael Kay. Much of the criticism is justified. 1000 years ago when
I was a young caveman I thought about radio as a career. One of my assignments was to be taped doing play
by play. It’s hard to keep talking. I do recall expounding on the weather. My Prof told me I should be a weatherman.
Point is, broadcasting is hard. It’s easier when you’re a corporate shill.

I do expect some moves from Crashman right at the deadline, but not necessarily the names everyone is tossing
about. Personally not high on Benitendi. Prefer Happ instead. We would get raped for Reynolds Raped for Reynolds!
My ass hurts just thinking about it.. I believe the concentration will be on pitching, with prospects getting dealt
in return. Likely that Florial will be leaving us.

Don’t be surprised to see Wade on the postseason roster. The team always carries a pinch-runner. Why not a LH speedster
who would also has defensive skills at multiple positions?

DickAllen said...


Look out below folks! Josh Breaux has been promoted to Scranton and the results are pretty impressive for the first few games (in spite of his less than spectacular BA in Somerset).

JM said...

All I can do is cringe in advance of what Cashman may be working on. There aren't a lot of Holmeses out there. Or Carpenters.

JM said...

999, I'm so old I remember when Kay was doing the radio side and was actually pretty good. Then he went to TV and the rest is a downward trajectory.

The Hammer of God said...

@DickAllen, "if Judge hit 220 the rest of the year, there would be no reason to sign him - he's been in a deep hole the past few weeks and I gotta believe there is something wrong."

Yes, but that's exactly my point. The Brain & Co. like players who hit .220 and are injured all the time. They like players who have zero to little impact, guys who are NOT going to contribute to winning. Our roster is full of them. If Judge wants to stay here, doing that (playing lousy and getting hurt) practically guarantees his re-signing. He won't get a zillion dollars, but he'll get a decent offer. If he plays great and wins a WS, it's practically guaranteed that he'll get the Robinson Cano treatment. He'll get a decent offer, but nothing compared to other spectacular offers, and he'll have to leave town (or cross town to the Mutts). It's straight out of Catch 22.

DickAllen said...


Well, Hammer, now I'm going to have to sit down and watch that terrific movie this weekend. Every bit as good as the book. One of the few book adaptations worth watching.

C... said...

Lol... Thank u

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yeah, I used to like Kay a lot more on the radio, too.

Doesn't help that the new color guys are bad. And his schtick with Paulie is getting very old.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Dear Easter Bunny --

please send those Cadbury eggs my way -- with the $100 bills inside.

thank you

JFOB