Friday, July 22, 2022

Yank fans, don't despair over yesterday's doubleheader debacle. Just turn to the Book of Pedro.

Well, so much for Houston...

Okay, you expect a doomsday rant? Calls to hang Mike Pence, as we scroll through our collective demons and digest the humiliation of being Ryan McBroomed by the Astros - the lying, cheating, garbage can -lidded Astros?  Well, sorry. I'm holding my yellow water and channeling the Book of Pedro: 

What can we say? Just tip our hats and call the Astros our daddy.

That's how Pedro did it, long ago. He said the Yankees were his daddy, and so what? We howled our derision, and then came 2004. The last laugh. And that's all that anyone will remember, come October...

Yesterday, in its 107 degree furnace, Houston beat us like a western omelet. We never led, not once. We flopped in the beginning, in the middle and at the end. The new Domingo German? Looks suspiciously like the old one. Our bullpen couldn't hold them. Matt Carpenter went 0-6, suggesting a looming second-half correction? (His batting average, according to yesterday's stupid Microsoft Bing box scores: 0.000.)

So - no, I won't hang Mike Pence, not even from the Joey Gallows, or Cooperstown Cashman, whose time in the NYC gauntlet is surely winding down. We can't beat Houston in the regular season - they are our daddies. But if/when we face them again, it will be in the ALCS, and both teams will be different. 

For starters, the injuries. Who knows where the tweaked gonads and pulled pork elbows will leave us? Same with Houston. They're getting back Lance McCuller's kid, but will Verlander still be standing? (Remember: He's 39.) Three months from now, yesterday's lineups might belong in a time capsule. 

Then, the trades. I choose to believe that, come Aug. 3, we won't have a certain LF hitting .160. Whatever we get for Joey Gallo - a Zolio Almonte or a Colter Bean - our chances will improve. We will surely pursue a CF, another starter and a bullpen arm. But for now, a huge shadow extends over every deal: 

What impact will Juan Soto have on MLB trades?

Right now, Soto is the Great White Whale. He is Thanos. He is Professor Plum in the conservatory with the candelabra. Until Soto is traded - if he is indeed traded - all deals shall wait next to Vecna in the upside-down. (Note to cranky oldsters: Know your pop culture. dammit.) He's that enormous. The Yankees cannot send, say, four prospects to Pittsburgh for Brian Reynolds until they are absolutely sure that Soto is off the table in potential deals to Boston, Toronto, Tampa or the Mets. (Maybe we should add Baltimore to that list?) 

Until the Nats decide to keep Soto, or trade him to - say - San Diego or Milwaukee, some team we'll only face in a world series, Cashman cannot pull the trigger on lesser deals. Same goes for Houston, the Dodgers, and virtually every 2022 contender. Soto is the Four Horsemen, combined. He's the alien ship hovering over the White House. He's Lady Gaga, offering to cut an album with you. Yes, he is Mrs. Death.

The Yankees can offer Gallo for prospects. But who bites? As long as they're in the bidding for Soto, will the Padres trade anybody for Gallo? Once they get him, they've undercut their position in the Soto sweepstakes. And they don't want the Dodgers or Giants to get him. I don't see the Yankees acquiring Soto - they won't reboot this team, not with a 12-game lead - but Cashman cannot let Soto go to an AL East rival for a package of prospects that the Yankees could have beaten. That's a generational gaffe. 

I have a feeling everything will be decided around midnight Aug. 2. Then, we'll have a sense of where 2022 is headed. In the meantime, we're just spinning on the Peloton. And yesterday's doubleheader - however ugly and painful - will soon be forgotten. Nope. I'm not panicking. The Book of Pedro has the answers.


The Archangel said...

El duque,
To panic, one must have truly believed.
Did Anyone herein drink the Jonestown Punch ?

Naw, we knew that this was the worst, most flawed "GOAT" team, we can just see who we pick up in the next 2 weeks

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I really don't care if a Gallo trade brings in a half a ham sandwich.

Look at what getting rid of ICS has done for this team. Shedding Gallo might bring the same kind of improvement in the atmosphere.

Addition by subtraction? No. Gain by disappearance.

The team's record right now is 64-and-30. What do you think it might be if Gallo had started the season in Omaha, in an advanced knitting class -- and the team had Miggy, Locastro, or Florial on the roster since April?

JM said...

If Mildred runs for office, I'm voting for her. As many times as possible.

Joe, too, for that matter. Without Gallo, and with Miggy or Florial or the Road Runner, we'd be in much better shape and farther ahead.

I heard one of the WFAN guys saying yesterday that Gallo is history, it's just a matter of whether anyone will bite or they DFA him. I still think Oakland would be great for him and for the A's, as long as they don't have to pay him.

Must be weird for Gallo and for his teammates right now. Knowing he's toast but still hanging around. That kind of thing can curdle the clubhouse. No wonder we can't win lately.

ZacharyA said...

In our regular-season series vs. the Astros this year, DJ LeMahieu hit .300/.462/.600 (1.062 OPS). Nice to see one guy show up.

Hicks .167/.348/.333
Judge .148/.258/.370
Rizzo .105/.320/.263
Torres .160/.250/.280
IKF .222/.263/.222
Donaldson .167/.250/.222
Gallo .000/.143/.000
Trevino .063/.063/.063

Is the plan to replace all these bats at the deadline?

If not, I don't see how the deadline changes things much.

AboveAverage said...
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AboveAverage said...

Many here still believe that we need a Houston-killer.

One (or two) players who have had proven success against Houston in our line-up is all it'll take to CRUSH, KILL and DESTROY them (like IDAK in Lost in Space, thank you Irwin).

But yesterday I realized that it wasn't one or two or three players that could ever get this done.

I think we're way beyond that at this point.

Warping-speeding into the final week of July - there can only one way to best Houston.

One way to floss them out from between our pinstriped teeth.

One way to finally give them the 2022 one way boot back to hell.

We need an ASTROCIST.

More to come . . .

BTR999 said...
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BTR999 said...

Is anybody here really surprised by yesterday’s outcomes?

This is a good team, maybe a very good team, but they were definitely playing over their heads during the first half. Trevino returned to his norm. Stanton taking his next step in his inexorable decline. Judge cooling off. King and Holmes not exactly Mariano and Wetteland. The league has figured out Cortes. These things were bound to happen. Perhaps be happy that Gallo, Donaldson, Chapman, Higashioka and Boone did not try to fool us. They’ve been awful all season, and will cheerfully continue to be so as long as we care to pay and play them.

Doug K. said...


Weren't a few of those losses one run affairs? Getting an Astro Killer and /or Soto could provide the two extra runs we need.

ZacharyA said...

That's true, Doug.

Since 2017, the Yankees have lost 26 games against the Astros, regular and postseason.

10 lost by one run
4 lost by two runs
5 lost by three runs

We've lost a lot of close games, so maybe an added impact bat would flip some of these tight affairs into our corner.

DickAllen said...

I remember back in 98 listening to a game in bed late one night and giggling like a teenage girl when Strawberry hit a home run late in a game to overcome a huge deficit. It was funny how inevitable it all seemed - I just knew they were going to win, and the fun part was wondering how. It was a summer filled with joy, so much so that winning the World Series that year was very nearly an anti-climax.

Here we are a mere 24 years later and I cannot recall a single moment in this season when I felt that same feeling of delight and awe. All year, as they kept winning, the dull sensation of wondering when the inevitable collapse would occur was never far from my mind. It was then, and is now, a plodding, boring team filled with second-hand laundry.

These last two games in Houston will stop all the nonsense about the 22 Yankees making history. There's no reason to hit the panic button yet because my expectations of this team are so low. The best team in baseball will eventually show itself to be a mirage.

In the immortal words of Michael Ray Richardson:

"The ship be sinkin"

JM said...

We need somebody like Strawberry or Fielder or Gooden. Carpenter is close, but someone better known to New York fans who rises from the abyss to earn us some key wins.

A little inspiration, maybe. Somebody who shows how it's done.

Or Soto.

ranger_lp said...

Yanks are still not built for the playoffs...

First game we have automatic out in Joey "No Batter" Whiffs in lineup...

Second game we have pitcher who hasn't pitched regularly since spring...

Whadda you expect?

We wont get through playoffs with an automatic out in's a three to four out handicap...

In the words of The Master, if you have a good starting pitcher every day, you will win more games than lose...we didn't have our best pitcher in either game but got a good outing from Monty in the first game...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Know our pop culture, Duque? Then how the hell can we condemn it without knowing anything about it?

JM said...

Ranger, I am eagerly awaiting the genius of the Brain as we get closer to the trade deadline. He will doubtlessly make incredible moves that strengthen both our rotation and our lineup to the point that we play .750 ball from that point on. We will then have the talent and the wherewithal to sweep the playoffs and then the World Series, eclipsing the WS sweep of the San Diego Padres.

Then we will sign everyone we need to sign, e.g. Judge, and not pursue any over the hill veterans who would only be a drag on the team, e.g. Donaldson and Gallo.

Thus will Cooperstown Cashman earn his well-deserved plaque in the Hall of Fame and reppel his way into the spot in Yankee fans' hearts usually reserved for the Babe, Joltin' Joe, the Iron Horse, and the Mick.

See? It's all going to be fine.

EDB said...

No despair, just realism. Boone, Cashman and The Cheapskate owner all morons. Lots of .230 hitters. No World Series this season. Like I said, realism.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Indeed. You can't despair over something you never expected.

I won't be despairing if I don't get a Lexus this Christmas.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

And this will be how it all ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper,,,,,

ranger_lp said...


The Hammer of God said...

Ah, the wonderful Book of Pedro. What wisdom within those hallowed pages. Yeah, the Yankees might as well admit it now: the cheatin' rootin' tootin' ASS-Stros are their daddies. BTW ultimately, we did have the last laugh with Pedro: he helped us win our last World Series by demolishing two games as a Philly starter. Without Pedro, I don't know that the Yankees win that 2009 WS.

Gallo is going to be here for the next ten years or more. I'm not sure why people think Gallo will be traded away. History shows that Cashman absolutely loves guys who can't hit their way out of a paper bag. The secret to staying a New York Yankee for your entire career is to hit less than .150. This practically guarantees your sinecure. Although it does seem that inability to play well defensively will get you booted off the team (witness: Sanchez).

The Brain's rationale for holding on to Gallows will go something like this: (1) He's a lefty hitter. Which doesn't matter in today's game, but it does reduce the amount of flak that I get for not having any lefty hitters. (2) He plays good defense, so the lack of hitting doesn't really hurt the team all that much. If we need Gallows to contribute offensively, with all that home run power in our lineup, we're in big trouble anyway and Gallo is the least of our offensive worries. (3) He'll walk occasionally, which reduces his offensive drag. (4) When MLB changes its rules to stop the shift, Gallows will be a much more effective hitter and he'll return to his Texas levels of production. Gallows will be a very valuable piece over the next decade or so, worthy of a long term contract for at least 8-12 mill per year.

All of these reasons are blatantly bull shit, but that's what will go on his head.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Let's face it, The Padres (or for that matter any team) is not trading anyone for Gallo that would be included in a deal for Soto.

The Hammer of God said...

"what will go on inside his head"

that's what I meant to say

HoraceClarke66 said...

Well, I don't know if he'll be here 10 years, Hammer. But I DO think it's even money that Gallo is here through the rest of this season.

Just getting rid of him will be too embarrassing to Cashman, who is still hoping Joey will "break out" and get back to his usual form...which was a lifetime BA of .211 before he came here.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And great stats, Zach.

There is, however, one last way in which the Yanks might get around the Astros and reach the World Series:
Someone beats Houston in the first playoff round.

Sorry, that's all I got.

ranger_lp said...

@Hoss...agree totally with you...this organization never admits to making a mistake...

Hazel Motes said...

No one wants Gallo. Next delusional topic.