Friday, July 15, 2022

Glass Half-Full! (Of Hemlock)

 

All right, guys. Even though it goes against every fiber of my being, and threatens to provoke the juju entities—

(Clearly visible, incidentally, in those pictures from the new space telescope, the little bastards!)

—Here is my "Glass Half Full (Of Hemlock) report:

—Sure, your New York Yankees often go through inning after inning compiling at-bats like a team full of Stephen Drews.

Nonetheless, even while dropping 4 of their last 5, they managed to score 27 runs in that stretch–or 5.4 a game, which ain't nuthin'. 

Those games were lost in good part because of foolish running and fielding mistakes—more a sign of first- half fatigue, over a punishing schedule, than any innate problems.


—These Yankees are highly frustrating because they're in every game. So are most winning teams.

I hate to admit this, but I remember wailing, gnashing my teeth, and rending garments even over the 1998 Yankees, the Greatest Team That Ever Was (Well, not so much rending garments. Polyester don't grow on trees! Literally!).  

It seemed to me, at the time, that they lost so many close games. And of course they did—because they were always in it. 

A lesser Yankees team than this gets mashed up in Boston. And doesn't come back against the Reds these last two nights. It's agonizing to watch, I know—and the ungodly pace of these contests doesn't help any—but you gotta be in it to win it, and the luck will turn toward them again.

—The rest of our division has to play with itself. Ahem. What I mean is, the AL East is a very tough neighborhood...and a great one to have a 13-game lead in. 

Thanks to the abnormally late All-Star Game, almost 60 percent of the season will be gone by the time serious play resumes. Almost half of the remaining games will be against division rivals. That means that the BJs, the TB Rays, the suddenly revived Orioles, and the Carmine Hose will all be bashing each other for much of the remainder.

Hard for any one of those squads to make much headway, even if we have disastrous series against them. As our Peerless Leader noted, the BoSox went from their gleeful, last two games at Fenway against us...to losing 4 straight to an injury-racked TB team.  

We're gonna have to work hard to lose this division.

—As previously stated by our compadres, better this nose dive now than in September. Among other things, it might just convince The Brain that he can't get away with keeping Joey, Joey on the team, hoping he will miraculously revive. 

And even Cooperstown Cashman MUST understand that, after the events of the last week, he has to find some way to upgrade the pitching. (The other, much more ominous factor that let us down in Hell Hope Week.)

Yes, that will mean giving away the farm. But as ZachA has demonstrated, and judging from the trade results of the last 5 years, "the farm" is likely inhabited wholly by two-headed calves, sick chickens, and stud hosses ready for the glue factory. 

I'd trust my 92-year-old, vodka-swilling aunt more to make a big, important stretch deal than Brian Cashman. But rest assured: most likely, his organization has already so ruined most of its "prospects" that we won't hear much from them again.

There.  Feel better?

Well, don't.  Because as I've written before, all that hanging onto the division title will get us is another big fat let down in October.  

But for now, let's just put on some Frank, and enjoy the summer wind...

Like painted kites

Those days and nights

Went flyin' by

The world was new

Beneath a bright blue

Umbrella sky...


 










115 comments:

Mildred Lopez said...


Freshman year of college, Chem 12 lab, we made polyester. That day I became a chemistry major.

borntorun999 said...

…we lost our season to the Summer Wind. Thanks HC.

Thanks to Duque and everyone here from providing a space to vent, commiserate, and bitch and moan.
Any blog’ll do when the team rides high, but only IIHIIFIIC will suffice when the wheels come off and
we see, once again, the emperor has no clothes.

HoraceClarke66 said...

My pleasure! And hey, isn't EVERY sky an umbrella sky? Oh, best not to question!

JM said...

Wait a minute. We have a two headed calf in the minors? How's it pitching?

HoraceClarke66 said...

No, that was Pat Venditte, or whatever his name was. :)

HoraceClarke66 said...

Best polyester song ever?

I vote for Liz Phair's, "Do You Wanna Be a Polyester Bride?"

Ken of Brooklyn said...

And the best/worst film about polyester, John Water's Polyester of course, LOL!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lNlEp5qH3E

I believe this was the first (and last?) film to include the gimmick of ODORAMA, scratch and sniff cards handed out to the audience and prompted by requests during the movie.
The ten smells (developed by 3M per John Waters) were:
Roses
Flatulence
Model airplane glue
Pizza
Gasoline
Skunk
Natural gas
New car smell
Dirty shoes
Air freshener

We may need ODORAMA for the second half of this Yankee season!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Mildred,

We made much more interesting and psychoactive things in chem lab in college.

Hoss,

I'd like to meet your aunt. She's seems like a fun party companion, and a superb replacement for the intern.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Ken,

I think the stadium already comes with odorama. Especially the bathrooms. The smell of rat feces is actually a step up.

borntorun999 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ken of Brooklyn said...

RE Rufus, excellent point my friend, LOL!!!

I'll also be making my own for home use,,,,
Pineapple
Fear
Pineapple
Pineapple
Pineapple
Fear

And occasionally
The Sweet Smell of Success

Ah,,, just kidding
More Pineapple

borntorun999 said...

Well something sure stinks there lately...

Tab Hunter and Debbie Harry did a duet on the title song from Polyester
hard to believe they never recorded together again.

For your listening pleasure check out the duet Of Tom Waits and Keith Richards
on the classic folk tune "Shenendoah" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uInzcytRJGk
It might be better than tonight's game.

HoraceClarke66 said...

She's actually great, Rufus. Her hearing is better than mine, she reads all the time, and she's always eating Cheetos because they're one of the few things she can still taste.

She knows nothing about baseball...but then, neither does Brian Cashman!

Drum roll, remember your waitresses, please, or they'll remember you, thank you, thank you for coming!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Love "Shenandoah," 999. I will check it out!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

That's awesome 999, I didn't realize that was Debbie Harry singing with Tab Hunter, WOW! And I'll definitely check out Shenandoah, thanks!!!!

borntorun999 said...

Guys, that version of Shenandoah may be, uh, an acquired taste…

JM said...

Was that part of a Hal Wilner project?

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

The Yankees need to borrow a little from English politics. Specifically, Boris Johnson. Yes, the solution is for Gallo to resign. For Gehrig, a tough break. For Gallo, thems the breaks.

JM said...

Monty sucking right out of the gate.

Doug K. said...

Pass the hemlock!


AboveAverage said...

WAKE UP !

Doug K. said...

Why are their batting averages so much higher than ours?

JM said...

Because they're good hitters? Just a guess.

AboveAverage said...

all of our starting pitching is flat -

like a tire - running on it's rim

things are looking bad

things are looking grim

I'm crossing my digits tonight

twitching'© for a win



borntorun999 said...

I seemed to have joined the DPS - the Deleted Post Society.

AboveAverage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AboveAverage said...

sTaNtOn!!!!

JM said...

I can't get the game on Prime now. Was fine before.
Watching on IPTV with Boston announcers, who are a lot less annoying.
Monty coughed up another. 3-3.

JM said...

Prime working on Fire TV, but not with Roku. Weird.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

HidemyIP + chrome + mlb.tv finally worked. video feed with John and Suzyn audio...

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Just wondering what Callo, two outs, means.

I'm guessing out # 3.

AboveAverage said...

The contrast is soft with Prime TV tonight AND they just crash-faded the Gallo boos just as he was removing his batting gloves. The BOOS were LOUD

Rufus T. Firefly said...

999 Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. Not as bad as herpes, but that doesn't mean it's good.

JM said...

I should see if I can get that TV feed with John and Suzyn....

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

John Sterling on Chapman warming “The Yankees are ready to take sommmme chance”

JM said...

And he gives up a homer.

ranger_lp said...

Rolaids can’t suck enough…

TheWinWarblist said...

How can you pitch FlopSweat in a late and close situation? HOW.

Publius said...

Between Chapman and Gallo, it's remarkable to see just how quickly all star level baseball players can fall to being among the very worst in the sport. I don't think this happens in pro football, basketball, hockey, soccer.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I don’t think anything happens in soccer.

JM said...

Otherwise, pretty good. A lot of pitches.

AboveAverage said...

Professional Curlers never fade - so long as there's a shot of Yukon Jack available they keep on going and going . . .

JM said...

As long as the knees hold up.

AboveAverage said...

Gallo moment?

JM said...

I think Chapman was pretty good. Not all the way back, still needs more confidence in the fastball, but as good as most of the other guys in the pen. Better than some.

AboveAverage said...

big booooooze

JM said...

O'Neill talking down Gallo. Good serious critique. Wonder if management has greenlighted honesty to signal his days are numbered.

AboveAverage said...

So did Kay

JM said...

Peralta. Ugh. What about King? Can't use him because we're not ahead?

Fucking Boone.

AboveAverage said...

Devers talking to his chew

AboveAverage said...

Just me and JM - this should be on Zoom over a pitcher of WandyRitas

DickAllen said...


You two should maybe get a room?

JM said...

Yeah, where is everyone? Peralta bounces a damn lot of pitches. I don't like pitchers who always look like they're about to cry.

DickAllen said...


The Yankees specialize in sweaters and criers.

AboveAverage said...

Come on now Dick - what are yah saying?

DickAllen said...


Can anyone explain why Judge is all of a sudden hitting below the Gallo line?

DickAllen said...

Judge, last 7 games: 148BA
Judge, last 15 games: 185BA
Judge, last 30 games: 204BA

DickAllen said...

Without Judge, this is a shabby team

JM said...

It ain't great.

I hate this idea where you can't bring in certain pitchers because we're behind by a run or tied. So fucking stupid. Pitch the best guys you have in close games. Don't let it get out of reach. Why is that so hard?

JM said...

Peralta has done well, but odds are odds.

JM said...

Kay and his goddamn hype.

JM said...

Boone!!! It wasn't a strike.

Doug K. said...

That was some good yelling right there.

JM said...

I'll take it.

ranger_lp said...

Finally a break…

JM said...

Devers stayed on the bag instead of moving to catch that bad throw.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

John Sterling had an absolute buntgasm.

JM said...

Fuck.

JM said...

Trevino didn't look great there.

JM said...

Pathetic.

ranger_lp said...

Fuck again…

Carl J. Weitz said...

Why not take one shot at a safety squeeze? Just hit the ball slowly past the putcher...game over!

Carl J. Weitz said...

Pitcher*

Doug K. said...

bases loaded no outs. NO RUNS.

Last year redux.

Hinkey Haines said...

Those were two awful at bats.

JM said...

Yep.

I'm with Carl. That's not the first time in recent memory where a decent bunt would've probably won the game.

Kevin said...

Some of these calls by the umps, well I hate to use the word "integrity" here.... legalized gambling wasn't allowed for over a century in sports because of a whim. One other thing, the stats on "mistake" calls on Judge is outrageous, I don't give a damn that he's a few inches taller than his peers. Why should that be an excuse?

JM said...

Screw you, Boegarts.

JM said...

True, Kevin. All true.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Snoop dee-oh-dubble-gee corona ad is so much better than krap for kidds krap.

posts are indeed disappearing. thanks google.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

John for batting coach.

JM said...

For fuck sake.

ranger_lp said...

Fuck again again…

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Its Gleyber no way.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Again, why not drop a bunt down third or first? Sure the infield is in but LeMahieu is already 1/3 down the line.

JM said...

Jesus Christ.

Carl J. Weitz said...

You think SD would take Chapman and Gallo as a package if we ate half their remaining salary? Maybe catch lightening in a bottle. 2 players performing well out of NYC.

JM said...

Trevino fucked up there.

JM said...

This is terrible. We had the game in the ninth and the tenth. And that was awful.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

That was not pleasant.

Carl J. Weitz said...

LOL what a clusterfuck.

JM said...

Donaldson against another righty. Great.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Stupid runner at second.

JM said...

Yeah, hitting him was a great move. Boone is an idiot even when he's not in the dugout.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Donaldson pinch-hitting for Gonzalez why? Because you wanted the righty-righty matchup?

Faboonish.

JM said...

Hicks... not a lot of confidence.

Carl J. Weitz said...

And stupid manager PH-ing Donaldson

JM said...

Even if Hicks walks, Trevino is next. He's a fallen angel

JM said...

Untuckingbelievable

EBD said...

I think that the correct rendering is unbefuckinglievable.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Very poor fundamental baseball over the past 2-3 weeks. And even worse managing.

EBD said...

There were a number of Yankee fans on this list who vowed to root against the team this year . . . back in April. Their principles wilted as the wins accumulated. I, however, have held steadfast to the "tear-it-down" faction, never believing that this mismatched aggregation of has-beens, castoffs, overpriced free agents, and "who the hell is that guy"? was enjoying anything but a freakish warp in the space-time continuum and would soon make the inevitable crash landing. The only true Yankee fan is the militant anti-Yankee fan (dialectics, boys!), the one who relishes nights like this one. Until the Steinbrenner-Cashman-Levine cabal is ousted, along with its long trail of mediocre sycophants, this franchise will remain a lumbering embarrassment. Onward, to the greatest collapse in baseball history!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Sorry, pizza shop's closed.

Troll out front should have told you.

Kevin said...

I think that we have a team who's been reading their own headlines too much. Sometimes doing so will make a team start to press when a few things go wrong. They sure as hell don't look happy given their record. Then again, I'd be nervous given the look on poor Gallo's face.

Kevin said...

Great, now psycho-girl Barney escaped her institution.

EBD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HoraceClarke66 said...

I hope we're not doing that 2017 crap with Judge again. If he's hurt, he should go on the DL.

And Chapman just has to go. What is it, he's been back 2 weeks and blown 3 games or something? Enough.

EBD said...

Hear the the creaking of Rufus's wheelchair and the gurgling from his throat as he expels one of his last belches of venom. Pray for him.

borntorun999 said...

The incense burned away
and the stench began to rise

EBD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AboveAverage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EBD said...

Imagine the emotional deformities of a tormented bigot who thinks that the worst insult he can fling at someone is to call him a girl. Kevin--surely you can find some help that is covered by your medical insurance.

EBD said...

Hey Kevin--why not regale us again with your dunderhead thesis that the main problem with the franchise with the third-highest payroll in baseball is that Steinbrenner doesn't spend enough money? I bet you got a million of 'em!

Kevin said...

You ARE a girl who did her best to pass yourself as a dude. I got you to slip up and give yourself away last year. I.trust that your your second year at Brown went well?

EBD said...

"You ARE a girl," frothed the misogynist psychopath Kevin.