Thursday, July 28, 2022

In brilliant ploy, Cashman trades three "fake minor leaguers" for Andrew Benintendi

Stealing a page from the playbook of the Donald Trump re-election braintrust, with its ideas for using "fake electors," Yankees general manager Brian "The Brain" Cashman traded three "fake minor leaguers" to the Kansas City Royals last night, in exchange for hobbled singles hitter, Andrew "Babe" Benintendi.

To many, the names of the players the Yankees handed over—T.J. Sikkema, Chandler Champlain, and Beck Way—should have been a dead giveaway to the specious nature of these prospects.

"Kansas City should never have fallen for this," opined longtime New York Post sportswriter Joel Peabody Sherman. "I mean, c'mon: who the hell is named 'Chandler Champlain'? What's his nickname, 'Lake'? And what's a Beck Way?"

Approximately 200 pounds, according to the Yankees' suspect media guide, which was printed at Harry's Joke and Gag Shop on W. 29th St.

Other observers felt that the name, "T.J. Sikkema" should have set off alarm bells.

"'Sikkema' is a classic joke name," explained ESPN commentator Buster Brown Olney, who spoke from his shoe-shaped domicile in New York, due to Covid restrictions. "'Sick a ma.' Get it? It's like trading you a player named 'I.P. Daley,' or 'I.M. Hornee.'"

Unfortunately for the Royals, under Commissioner Rob Manfred's new, "Caveat Emptor" rule, Kansas City is stuck with their "acquisitions."  

Asked if he regretted bilking the Central Division also-ran, Cashman had no comment, other than to offer the Royals the chance to add to the deal any one of Beck Way's three remaining brothers in the Yankees' system, Park, Gang, or Tram (depicted below).






40 comments:

The Hammer of God said...

Cashman also signed three new teenage prospects, possibly from international sources. The most interesting one is related to former Red Socker, Kevin Youkillus. (I know that's not the correct spelling, but it's pronounced that way.) His nephew's son's daughter's son is named Devon Wekillyou.

The other two prospects are named U.R. Deadman and I.B. Gonzo. All three are pitchers. No word on lefty or righty.

ZacharyA said...

I'd be spooked trading for a pitching prospect with the initials T.J.S.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm just hoping that I.M. High lives up to the buzzworthy season he had last year. Or was it the year before that?

borntorun999 said...

Whatever happened to that Russian kid, Ibitcha Balzov?

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Does the acquisition of Bernardo Gui mean we're now going to get NYY ballplayers to try to GET ON BASE instead of pursuing the 3 True Outcomes?

If so, what hope for Joey Headed-for-the-Gallows...?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

George Steinbrenner has apparently given up on his goal of becoming a turf ball speedster team. Wait, wrong decade.

As for the Russian prospect, I'd prefer Xenia Onatopp. As long as I have a gun handy.

Publius said...

Too bad they sent Locastro down. Was looking forward to the all paisan outfield of Gallo-Locastro-Benintendi.

DickAllen said...



Why is there an advertisement for a Sux podcast?

How many of those heathens would be listening to a Yankees broadcast?

What is this world coming to? It would be like the BBC broadcasting speeches by Hitler.

DickAllen said...


The Orioles, formerly the Spaghetti-Os, are now a game above 500 after having beaten the Tampons this afternoon, leaving the Sux dead last.


Rufus T. Firefly said...

Dick,

your news brings joy to my heart.

Now, if they can only lose every one of their last 62 games.

A guy can hope, can't he?

Publius said...

Re Sox podcast ad...is it on WFAN? I've heard it via mlb audio, but assumed it was just that, an ad for the mlb app interface not a WFAN ad.

borntorun999 said...

I see the offense is living up (down) to expectations again…having Donaldson + Gallo bat back to back is an especial treat, isn’t it?

AboveAverage said...

Carrying over the last few comments from the previous post that wouldn't die - please see my final Gallo Avatar offering.

This would be for the movie one sheet/poster.

In the spirit of that NETFLIX program - I would call Gallo's streamer:

THE TWITCHER

Joe of AZ said...

Benni already learning the Yankee way....the art of the K

EBD said...

Cashman's relentless disemboweling of the Yankee farm system for marginal or dubious short-term gain will ravage this franchise for years to come.

EBD said...

So the word is out on Judge--he's a helpless sucker for low-outside sliders.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Yes I know that name. But he was a writer. He wrote the novel " Russian Castration" in the early 20th century.

JM said...

The good news: at least Taillon can shut down the Royals.

The bad news: we are getting shut down by the Royals.

JM said...

Barney, the percentage of minor leaguers who even reach or have more than a passing stay in the majors is small. Those who end up making a real impact is practically infinitesimal. Especially anybody from the Yankees farm system, which is as mismanaged as badly as the big club.

DickAllen said...


The Sux podcast is being aired between every inning - in tandem with the betting podcast.

AAAAAAARRRGGGH!

Why? WHY?

DickAllen said...


Gallo is like Freddie Krueger - he’s impossible to kill

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Headline in MLB app “Yankees get boost of energy with deal for Benetendi”

Actual game 0-0 in 8th.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Callo can't strike out unless you actually let him hit.

Bonehead is brave enough to put him in the lineup.

Lucky us.

borntorun999 said...

Man, I hope that Soto trade rumor is true if for no other reason than to get rid of Torres. His approach at the plate is awful,. What is the team now? 0-18 in the last
few games with RISP?

and IF we do get rid of Gallo, Donaldson can slide right into his spot as favorite whipping boy. Stick a fork in him, you know the rest.

Publius said...

KC's pitcher is pretty good. And, with their two best contact hitters...IKF and DJ...on the bench, this isn't really surprising.

DickAllen said...


But how many rookie pitchers have had their career game against the Yankees?

Seems like every one of them. Including this one.

DickAllen said...


But give Taillon props. I thought he wouldn't be able to pitch three.

DickAllen said...


The other thing that presents a problem: we don't have an ace who can go eight and give the pen a rest.

Then again, who goes eight anymore?

JM said...

Judge is fucking unreal.

ranger_lp said...

Yankees Win!!!

JM said...

It's like, oh look, a pitch over the middle. Boom. Gone. Game.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Too bad he didn't do that yesterday...

JM said...

Nobody has ever done it every time. This is fine.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

"Judge has hit Jack Benny's age."

The Master reads this blog, Doug!

Doug K. said...

:)

borntorun999 said...

Taillon gutted it out, admittedly KC not an offensive juggernaut. Nice job by Nacho too - 19 scoreless innings in a row! He’s our #2 reliever now after Holmes. Stay healthy!

Judge was Judge, and Gallo was Gallo 0-3, 3 k’s. The troika of Donaldson/Gallo/Gonzalez was 0-8 with 5 k’s.

EBD said...

JM writes: "Barney, the percentage of minor leaguers who even reach or have more than a passing stay in the majors is small." But EVERY player in the majors was once a prospect. The best teams are those that know how to draft, coach, and develop prospects instead of demoralizing them and burying them as the Yankees mostly do. That's why the Yankees are now perennial also-rans. You also realize, of course, that most of the big-name dumpster-diving acquisitions that Cashman loves to promote are usually worse than the minor-leaguers that he buries.

Kevin said...

Barney, please give us some citations on your comment.

JM said...

Every player in the majors was once a prospect. Of course. But that means nothing at all. The discussion is about players at the prospect level. And the vast majority of them never really make it. Those former prospects in the majors are a tiny percentage of all the prospects there were as they were coming up.

The "every player was a prospect" reminds me of an aunt I had. Her husband died young, of lung cancer. He never smoked. And to her dying day, my aunt didn't believe smoking caused lung cancer because he had it and wasn't a smoker.

That's not how it works, is it?

Rufus T. Firefly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.