Sunday, December 26, 2010

Ask Dr. Duque: Is it OK to root for the Giants today?

Dear Dr. Duque, I'm a big big Giants fan. (Go Blue!) But last week, watching them lose to the Eagles was mighty awful. Should I root for the team today against Green Bay? I mean, minga! if we win, we're in the playoffs, and maybe we win the Super Bowl, like 2007, right? What should I do? TORN IN UTICA

Dear Torn,

Suck up a molecule of pride, you miserable toad.

Today, we should root for the sorryass Gints to get slapped around like Lindsay Lohan's personal assistant after a bad coke deal. There's a time when every God-fearing fan must deny performing juju for his team's own good, and today is it.

Unless you've slept through the last 15 years, you should know that any time Giant fans show optimism about their team -- ANY TIME -- the expression of hope has the effect of an albatross carcass necklace for a salty seaman. The team collapses.

The only way for the Giants to win is if their fans scorn them -- a double reverse juju bank shot that somehow catches the underside of Coughlin's Crankies and lifts them to victory. That's what happened in 2007: Going into the final weeks, with Shockey and Kiwanuka gone, the Giants Universe abandoned hope and started looking at Coughlin's successor. Suddenly, they won.

So here's the game plan: GO YOU PACKERS. Kill the Gints. It doesn't matter anyway. We'd lose early in the playoffs for sure. Lose now. If Coughlin goes, Bill Cowher can take over, we have a chance for 2012, and maybe we'll be able to believe in the Giants openly, without suffering the consequences.

Repeating: Do not root today. The juju gods punish fans who do not remember history.

1 comment:

Stang said...

John Sterling says the Giants need just one, baby!