Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Here's some hopeful hotstove news, Yankee fans: Brian Cashman has gone batshit mad

Having whiffed on Linda McMahon, the whitebread Will and June Cleaver tribes of Connecticut have settled on a replacement form of kinky entertainment to guide them through the looming winter bonk. Says Pete C:

In a daredevil move, GM Brian Cashman is set to rappel from a 350-foot building in Stamford, Conn., Friday, in rehearsal for Sunday’s annual ‘Heights and Lights’ event.

Cashman will be dressed as an elf.

The performance conjures a grand metaphorical vision for Yankee fans:

Cashman conquering the ciff... (the Cliff of Lee?)...  wearing elven tights that broadcast the cleavage of his buttcakes, a shot that forever changes our image of him -- much in the way Kei Igawa's Wizard of Oz monkey remains emblazoned into the space behind our foreheads.

Will photogs capture the "Moon over Stamford?"

Here’s what Helper Cashman says in a statement:

“I’ve been leaving milk and cookies for Santa for some time now, but this year I wanted to take a more active role in assisting him. As an elf, you have to be willing to build toys, wrap presents, prepare reindeer for flight, or rappel off buildings for Santa. I take my role as an elf seriously because there are a lot of children out there counting on him.”

Yes, we're counting on him.

Three weeks from now, if Jete, Mo, Andy and Cliff Lee aren't under the tree, the Beaver Cleavers of Connecticut will be in tears. 

1 comment:

VirginiaO'Possum said...

After reading your Mickey Mantle item, I don't know whether to believe this or not.