Monday, May 2, 2022

All right, who's gonna be Iphigenia?


1194 B.C. The Greeks have assembled a veritable dream team under Captain Agamemnon, and they are ready to roll into Troy and do some serious damage, turns out that Aggie has mortally offended one of the gods up on Mount Juju Olympus by killing the wrong deer. 

The only way this could be put right? By the deerslayer sacrificing his own daughter, Iphigenia, to those preening sociopaths. 

Captain Ag sent for the girl, ingeniously telling her and her mom, Clytemnestra, that she was to be wed to the greatest catch of the Aegean, Achilles himself. 

When she got to the Greeks' training camp, Iphigenia discovered that, well, Dad was there to walk her to the altar, all right.

Appeased, the protectors of all mankind let the ten-year slaughter that was the Trojan War proceed, and it was all good. Save, of course, for the fact that Clytemnestra proved to be, shall we say, less than forgiving.

In the way that baseball reflects all the most epic events in history and literature, championship Yankees teams have almost always had their own "virgin sacrifice"—a figure who, once thought to be at least a valuable lugnut, ended up falling off the championship long before it hit the Canyon of Heroes (to thoroughly mix my cosmologies).

Back in 1998, it was former Brewer stalwart Dale Sveum, who had been signed to be a utility man, able to play all around the infield and hit with some occasional pop. 

Dale, displaying the form shown here, hit all of .155 with no homers and 3 ribbies in 30 games, and was released—though as you can see, that didn't stop him from noting in his autographs that he was part of that championship season.

And so it goes. In 1977, Jim Wynn, the old Astros' and Dodgers' slugger, stole (some of) Reggie's thunder on Opening Day by crushing a ball into the black seats at Stadium II. 

Turned out, sadly, that that was the last home run ever hit by "the Toy Cannon," another 30-day wonder who batted .143 before making his departure.

In 1978, it was Rawly Eastwick, who had led the NL in saves twice with The Big Red Machine. 

Eastwick, though, had been signed as a free agent without anyone consulting manager Billy "Even Keel" Martin, which enraged the skipper. 

In his inimitable way, Martin, Breaker of Pitchers, made his displeasure known by alternating between letting Eastwick rot in the bullpen for days—and pitching him for over 4 innings in several different games.

Nevertheless, Rawly (below) did all right, compiling two wins and a hold—not nothing in a season where the Yanks ended up tied for first place at the end of the 162-game season.

Still, giving up on placating the implacable—much like Aggie with his lunatics—the Yanks finally surrendered and dealt Eastwick to the Phillies for Bobby Brown and Jay Johnstone.

In 2009, the sucker was Cody Ransom (below) who, though he had one of the greatest baseball names of all time, could not take advantage of his early-season shot, starting at third in place of a (physically) injured A-Rod. 

Cody hit .190 in 31 games, and departed soon after Alex returned.

So who will it be this year? Higgy? Crusty Josh Donaldson? Joey Gallo (oh please, oh, please!)?

One thing is certain: if this Yankees team is going to go all the way, we need a sacrifice. And I don't mean a bunt. Which we can't do anyway.


TheWinWarblist said...

Gallo is a useless fuck. And he's well on his useless fucker fuckface fuck way. Gads, I hate the miserable useless fucker, may his bursted hemorrhoids kill and maim most of the Yankees front office and ownership.

ranger_lp said...

Yanks aren’t intimidated by Toronto, they were last season however…

HoraceClarke66 said...

Michael Kay just comparing Locastro to Homer Bush in 1998.

Bush hit .380 that year, with an .886 OPS. Locastro is at .154/.651.

I like Tim Locastro. But I saw Homer Bush play. I watched Homer Bush steal bases in October. I saw Homer Bush play a nifty second base. You, sir, are no Homer Bush.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Holy shit, but Donaldson is useless.

HoraceClarke66 said...

The Gleyber!

HoraceClarke66 said...

So, no Torrents tonight?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, no. It's Chad.

TheWinWarblist said...

Already pitched two straight days, and no one, not even Ma Fuckface Boone, can bear to watch him 3 days straight.

Kevin said...


TheWinWarblist said...

Wow, that was a kinda fun game. What the unholy fucking fuck fucker is going on??

HoraceClarke66 said...

Very nice game! Good pitching will cure a host of ills.

The Archangel said...

10game win streak and Ithaca college grad on roster. Coincidence?
I think not!!
Love what those DIII players bring to the majors.