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Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Those Who Do Not Bottom Feed Will Not Get Fruit Cup!

 


Sportswriters, who like to write about major-league baseball as if it were junior varsity high school ball, will no doubt insist that the Yankees' glorious season of 2022 came a-cropper due to the fact that Horrible Josh Donaldson killed their mojo by so grievously insulting Timorous Timmy Anderson and Lyin' Tony La Russa.  

(Even as they personally do everything possible to make that distraction a reality.)

In fact, Donaldson was a(nother) terrible pick-up by GM Cooperstown Cashman, not so much because he dared to utter the words "J----- R-------" but because through nearly two months of the campaign the aged third sacker is hitting all of .238 with just 15 ribbies.  

Much as it's fun to moan about the mojo, in baseball—as it has oft been said—momentum is the next day's pitcher. In our case, that was our alleged ace, Gerrit "Sometimes You Win Sometimes You Lose and Sometimes the Lack of Ticky-Tack Gets Ahold of You" Cole. Who...came up short. Against the Baltimore Orioles.

Needing to do some truly gargantuan bottom-feeding before the schedule tightened again, your New York Yankees found themselves presented with the gift (we don't say "gifted") of 14 straight games against said Orioles and the J----- R------- inspired Chicago White Sox.

Against these perfect palookas, the Yanks started off red hot, going 6-1. Visions of an 11-3 or even 12-2 skein were dancing in our heads. 

Now, all of a sudden, they are just 7-5, meaning that an insufficient 9-5 is the best result possible, and that they may well do no better than split even, 7-7, against the dregs of the American League.

The problem isn't that Dopey Donaldson stole away their mojo. It's that this team lacked, from the beginning:

—A reliable closer.

—A reliable ace.

—A bullpen that could not keep from being overworked.

—A lineup that was anything more than four deep.

—Any depth, in the Bronx or in the minor leagues, that could rescue the club when the inevitable injuries started to deplete this dangerously overaged team. As they are doing now.

I would bring in Howard Cosell to say, "You heard it here, first"—except that I don't think this analysis was due to any particular perspicacity on my part. 

Instead, it should have been quite evident to any and all who have been following the Yankees during the course of Brian Cashman's career, and can judge the situation with any objectivity. 

(This last, of course, exempting pretty much every press box denizen of New York, who seem to bolt down more and more of the access Kool-Aid every year.)

The sheer number of tankers and soon-to-be tankers in the Junior Circuit will likely allow the Bronx team to go on competing for the Wild Card Play-In spot for much of the season. O happy day.

In the meantime, prepare yourself for those true bottom-feeders, the Tampa Bay Rays, who get a shot at our crumbling team next. 

I'd say drop that fruit cup, if you value your hand.















26 comments:

Rufus T. Firefly said...

a., I did a double take to realize that was Nurse Diesel, not Nurse Ratched. Very well done sir!

2., The manta ray (pictured) is a majestic beast. A real treat if you ever get to see one scuba diving. However, a DEVIL ray is a miserable spawn of Beelzebub. It is usually accompanied by ridiculously loud and annoying noise between pitches that annoy Ma and Pa Yankee. It should be destroyed at every opportunity.

III., I no one watching the game tonight? Well neither am I.

Platoni said...

I'm not watching but following on the MLB app. And I can still feel that this game is lifeless

JM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JM said...

TheWinWarblist said...

Rougned hits a 3 run homer. I have thoughts regarding the current skid. Angry, angry thoughts. Invective really.

Platoni said...

Stanton pulled a nose hair, didn't he. We'll see him, when, August? Good times

JM said...

Trevino is carrying us today.

JM said...

Sorry for the political comment earlier. This place is about baseball. A respite from our larger reality.

JM said...

Kevin said...

Stanton pulled with RIGHT CALF TIGHTNESS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!

borntorun999 said...

Stanton out with “tightness” in calf. This is, of course, a lie like all Yankee injury updates. He will be out 6 weeks.
And we will lose tonight’s game.

borntorun999 said...

Hicks whiffs on 3 pitches with winning run on 2nd. Who da thunk it?

BernBabyBern said...

The game was in Aaron Hicks' hands.

Not a good place to be.

Strikeout, of course.

How is he on a Major League roster at this point, much less in a starting lineup?

BernBabyBern said...

Hicks will be our "zombie runner" in the 10th.

Watch him get picked off ...

borntorun999 said...

Florial still hasn’t bloomed.

borntorun999 said...

Torres strikes out on a pitch dead center of the strike zone.

JM said...

Not a great feeling here. I thought we were done with the stupid ghost runner?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Interesting to know, Rufus. But remember: TB removed the "Devil" from their name some years ago. Meaning, I guess, that they are every ray? Much the same way that Chaka Khan was every woman?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yanks may be the first team to forfeit the rest of the season because they have literally run out of players.

Of course, the injuries and Donaldson have already become Coops' excuse for this year.

JM said...

Trevino is a hero.

JM said...

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hoss,

Tampa may have tried to distance themselves from Satan, but we all know they are still evil incarnate. Just ask Suzyn when she's in the booth there.

And manta's are really cool. Not associated with evil at all. They eat plankton.

HoraceClarke66 said...

They must be really cool to see up close, Rufus; the picture is impressive as is.

And hey...we give Lee his props.

The Magic Number—to consecutive winning season no. 30—is 52!

AboveAverage said...

Please keep those kids and their families in your hearts. What a f:(king tragedy.

borntorun999 said...

Yes, AA!

Unknown said...

Horace:
Cooperstown Cashman, aka Genius Cashman has picked up a lot of stiffs. Barren Hicks and Joey K., to name a few.