Saturday, May 21, 2022

Yankeetorial: Will someone please explain to Aaron Judge that if he wants to stay a Yankee for life, he better start to suck

Every day lately, it seems as though Aaron Judge is hitting a big HR, or driving in a big run, or making a big play in centerfield - in essence, ensuring that his days as a Yankee are dwindling down. 

Doesn't this man give a whit about his team?

Doesn't he care about the threat of inflation?

Does he just hate New York City?

Judge claims he wants to be a Yankee for life. Ha. If that's true, he better stop playing like some $300 million MVP-level slugger - and return to earth, cap in hand. Surely, Judge knows that if he singlehandedly propels his team to the 2022 world series, he'll end up leaving New York: The franchise simply won't be able to afford him and all his championship malarkey. 

Listen, people: Money doesn't grow on trees! And even if it did, trees don't grow in Gotham. Owner Hal Steinbrenner, the prince of prudence, does not have the kind of money that Judge -posing as a Triple Crown threat - would demand. 

To show a little concern about the Yankees, this giant ingrate ought to launch an 0-for-40 slump, or a stint on the 60-day list. As it is, Judge is literally trying to embarrass the team by homering his way out of pinstripes.

And for this, we're cheering him? 

Rather than stand for Judge, fans should not only stay seated but, in fact, swivel around to face the opposite direction - (not an easy contortion, in fact, somewhat painful, if you have a bad back) - to tell this arrogant nincompoop that we will NOT be held for ransom, and our owner will NOT go penniless... just so Judge can win a ring and a bunch of post-season awards.

If he wants a batting title, or an HR crown, or a ticker-tape parade - whatever - I say, trade him! Now! To the Dodgers, or the Redsocks, or the Mets - whomever wants to go in hock to buy their precious little pennant! We fans will be happy, thank you, with Jasson Dominguez, who went 1-3 last night for the Single-A Tampa Tarpons, lifting his average to .238 (but he's young) - and you know what? Now that I'm on a roll, I say, let Judge take Giancarlo Stanton and DJ LeMaheiu with him, because we prefer an owner who practices fiscal responsibility and isn't afraid to fight inflation! 

Stick to your guns, Mr. Hal! We're behind you all the way!


AboveAverage said...

Working on my newest Yankees Seventh Inning Stretch Dance move - The Malarkey NincomPoop Contortion. I'll keep Y'all posted

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

Hal's mantra: No Inflation On The Plantation!

Carl J. Weitz said...

My money is that Judge will sign with the SF Giants should he not re-sign with the Yankees.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I hear the Stadium Rat Dropping Dogs are now $39.95—more with mustard and/or relish.

Carl J. Weitz said...

You have to expect to pay more the droppings. They are gourmet. Must be due to those Bronx River Rats.

Publius said...

Roger Angell, RIP. With all due respect the truest master.

JM said...

Angell was the best baseball writer, ever. 101 is a pretty good run, but it's still sad to know there won't be anymore Angell pieces about the game.

Rat droppings? I thought they were spiced pigeon meat. Go figure.

el duque said...

Roger Angel loved O HOLY COW, our book on Rizzuto poetry.

He called Peyer and me “geniuses.”

Rest In Peace.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I got to meet him a couple of times. A real mensch, and a wonderful writer.