Friday, March 14, 2008

Yankeetorial: Are we baseball’s Countrywide Financial Corp.?

Where in NY were the moneyball sport analysts three years ago, when even Dakota Fanning could have seen the whole bloated blob sliding down the hill, yet we skipped off to sign Johnny Damon? They were cheering, of course.

Here we are, with the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir trying out for 1B, competing for time against a $20 million-a-year DH, who so much resembles the Biblical image of the leviathan that he would put a gleam in the eye of P.T. Barnum… battling for time at DH with a $20 million .280 hitter who still can’t stop after reaching a full gallop… competing for time in LF with a $20 centerfielder (see above) whose idea of hope is to announce how this year, unlike last year, he's in shape… competing for time with a $20 million RF whose power numbers peaked four years ago in the All-Star Game home run derby.

Talk about a subprime crisis. We have a post-prime crisis. We have more chickenshit contracts than Citibank, and something's gotta give.

The country is in a recession. The Yanks suck during recessions.

You can look it up.

We collapsed right after the Crash of 1929. Ruth, Gehrig, all those guys -- we fell apart.

The Vietnam War-Watergate-recession: See any pennant flags flying between 1965-1975?

The Reagan recession, the savings & loan scandal: Dark times. Andy Hawkins. Bob Shirley. Ed Whitson.

An ancient philosopher once wrote, "Those who cannot remember history are doomed to have Jason Giambi play 1B."

Every second-grader in New York can rattle off more than $100 million in boondoggles (starting with Kei Igawa, then dare we say Carl Pavano?) on our payroll. We tout our young pitchers, while we ask them to carry a bloated team.

It’s like asking six-year-olds to cover social security through 2030.

We are in a shakeout, a transition where other nations retool factories, change their ways and come up strong.

Soon, we must boil down to 25 men.

It's time to put out a few "FOR SALE" signs.

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