Saturday, March 29, 2008

Exclusive: Matsui's Other Women!

Look what fell into the hands of the IT IS HIGH I-Team -- exclusive photos of the other women in the life of Yankee slugger Hideki Matsui!

What a scoop, as you'll soon see.

Let's begin with the happy ending. This week, Hideki showed the world the final stop on his subway ride to true love. His new wife (kinda). That's her speaking into the microphone.

O0-La-La is all we have to say. Yet, as one examines Hideki's batting order of love, one discovers a lineup of broken hearts and a bullpen of failed dreams. Yet, it is an inspiring story, one of persistence and courage.

Let's tell it.

Soon after Hideki arrived in America, he met a young groupie named Lucy, who lived in Queens, we think. Their brief fling ended in the fall during football season, shortly after a picnic in Central Park when the two were attempting to kick field goals with some of the local kids.
Next came a woman named Vilma, a proctologist from the Bronx.

Things were going well with Vilma until Hideki was wooed away by the charms of her office assistant, Daphne!

Daphne was not the kind of girl who wanted a long-term relationship. She dumped him into the arms of her high-school friend, Veronica.

Hideki fell hard for Veronica. But her love of fame and money meant for a shallow relationship, one that left Hideki feeling empty and depressed. First he turned to Mountain Dew, then to booze, then the arms of ... Rosie

Rosie, however, had other plans. And men weren't in them.

Once again, Hideki hit the streets. He had a brief fling with someone he thought was a Wonderful Woman, but he turned out to be a wonderful man (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Hideki's head spun! He felt as if he might never attain the kind of love a leftfielding titan from the Yankees deserved. Then, one day, he opened up a letter from home, and in it he discovered the woman of his dreams ...

Her identity remains a mystery.
But isn't love a mystery?
And isn't true love even more mysterious?
Maybe not as mysterious as Einstein's search for the universal constant or what the heck the ancient Egyptians meant by building the sphinx or what Mona Lisa is smiling about, but love is still pretty mysterious.
You bet it is.


Anonymous said...

New York Post headline:


Anonymous said...

Thank God it's not Britney!

Anonymous said...

Matsui should quit baseball: become an artist.