Saturday, March 15, 2008

Travesty of baseball

Saturday, a defender of the sacred game, a columnist from Detroit (Joe Falls is spinning like Dorothy Hamel in his grave), defended the sacred game from the attack of Billy Crystal, because the sacred game needed, well, sacred defending.

Columnist Jerry Green didn't like the idea of a comic batting in an exhibition game.

This past week the Yankees turned into a burlesque show. They became slapstick, an embarrassment to major league baseball.

A comedian batting in an exhibition game.

Well, I nevah!


Folks, at times, you get the feeling there is a reason for sports columnists: God ran out of things for janitors to do.

Here's a guy, apparently born before Columbus discovered America, who pieces together a column like a drunk fingerpainting particles of puke on a sidewalk, adhering to the age-old notion of the 700-word outrage, which basically has one message: HARUMPH.

Oh, the humanity.

An embarrassment to baseball...

Why, this is worse than than when they started wearing batting helmets. Damn, the game hasn't been the same since those electronic scoreboards replaced the hand-held numbers. Why, ever since they installed lights and started playing games after dark, it's just horrible.

An embarrassment to baseball.

Who woke this guy from his coma?

Whoever did it, pleeease, replug the respirator, and padlock the hospital room for another 39 years. Has this guy been watching what has been happening in his wonderful, pure game?

Did a spaceship just drop this guy on the planet after 100 years on Mars?

OK, enough bad analogies... we're beginning to sound like Jerry Green...

We're ambivalent about Billy Crystal. Maybe he's not your cup of tea.

But it's March 15. It's not even the last two weeks of spring training.

An embarrassment to baseball?


An embarrassment to sportswriting.

If newspapers are becoming extinct, it's because we're publishing the writing of dinosaurs.


Anonymous said...

Don't insult janitors!

Stang said...

And the Frick Award for Best Version Of A Post I Wrote The Other Day goes to...


BernBabyBern said...

ANOTHER Frick Award given out to someone other than John and Susyn ...

It's just not fair.

(Although I won't make any comments about Dave Niehaus this time, Prince)

Wailin' Suzyn said...


Beware: I hear el duque's working up a bit based on lyrics from "Supertramp."

Anonymous said...

The Logical Song?

Anonymous said...

Trying to get a message to Billy Crystal--message is:

Mr. Crystal,

Congratulations on your major league at bat—more so, congratulations on doing it at 60 years of age. I’m sure every adult senior baseball player, especially those, like me, who are in our 60s, 70s, and beyond enjoyed the experience with you.

I would like to send you a copy of my book, Baseball: Never Too Old to Play “The” Game, which captures the essence of the experience and challenge of continuing to play baseball while growing older at the same time. Your love of baseball and your ability to continue to cross the white lines are consistent with the themes that run through the book. I’m sure you will enjoy it, as have other baseball fans and senior players around the country.

I am 62 and have been playing about 75 games each year in local leagues and in tournaments around the country and the world. There is baseball to be played and continuing to play is not about age. As Satchel Paige said, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?”

Please let me know where I can send a book.

Al Spector

Stang said...

And it's the perfect 'congrats in your rehab' gift for Bret Boone.

Anonymous said...

And all I ever got to play was Governor McGreevey's wife.

Wonder what the happy couples are doing the St. Patty's day.