Saturday, November 14, 2009

Letter to the Editor: Neater Dugouts Needed

The Times-Union (Albany, NY)
November 8, 2009 Sunday

Dear Editor,

I love baseball. In particular, I love to watch the Yankees. I feel like I know the guys personally, like they are all old friends.

However, if I were the commissioner of baseball, I would institute some changes that would make the game more enjoyable for TV viewers. Here are the rules I would put in place for the players:

1. No spitting at any time in view of the cameras. What's the problem with these guys? I don't think guys spit in any other sport. If a player has to spit, let him do it in the locker room.

2. No chewing tobacco. Haven't the chewers seen the pictures of guys whose cheeks have been eaten all the way through by cancer? They might better smoke cigarettes and cigars than chew tobacco.

3. No eating in the dugout, especially pumpkin seeds and other foods that require the spitting of shells.

4. No throwing garbage on the floor of the dugout. Leave the dugout cleaner than when you entered. There are waste cans in the dugout: Use them.

There would also be rules for the TV media:

1. No shots of the manager more than once every three innings. We know he is standing there watching the game. So what?

2. No shots of a pitcher who has been pulled after a bad inning. We know what he looks like: Dejected, saddened, and disheartened.

3. No commentary unless it is really needed. It's a great pleasure to watch a baseball game in complete silence with just the noise of the crowd to make you feel like you are at the ballpark.

If anyone agrees, let it be known that I am available for the position of commissioner of baseball. We need to get baseball cleaned up.



Anonymous said...

Don, is that you ?

Stang said...

Jesus, Winsor Lott, pull the bat out of your ass.