Saturday, April 21, 2018

Ranking the top 10 Yankee 2018 "What Were We Thinking" Spring Fiascoes

It's not the 8-8 record that should worry us. One quick win streak will remedy the standings. What galls me, though, is a mounting realization that we've been played:

We assumed last October's playoff success signified the return of Yankee dominance - the good old days were back. Over the winter, we were blinded by what seemed a low price tag to acquire the biggest salary dump since A-Rod... and we somehow forgot how that turned out. 


No, it's not the 8-8 record that should bother us. It's the team behind it. It's the glaring weaknesses that we somehow blocked from our minds. It peaked through in late spring training, and it has continued, unabated: A wave of Yankee disappointments that - had we looked more closely - should not surprise us now. We're too old to be this gullible, aren't we? 

So, behold... 

The Top 10 Yankee 2018 "What Were We Thinking" Spring Fiasco List.


10. Tanaka. Thus far, OMG. Shoot me. A 6.45 ERA and 2-2 record. Somehow, we managed to forget the entire 2017 regular season (13-12, 4.74) and remember him in the playoffs, when he pitched well. What were we thinking?

9. Bird's injuries. After an injury-plagued minor league career, he'd missed all of 2016 and most of last year (147 at bats)... yet we imagined him batting between the Twin Towers, hitting 30-40 HRs and anchoring the infield defense. Yeah, right. What possessed us? 

8. Gary's defense. Last year, he led the AL in passed balls (with 16). This spring, the YES bullshit machine posed the narrative of his rock-ribbed re-commitment to defense, which would make him an elite catcher. Uh-huh. He has four PBs already. He won't break baseball's all-time single season record, held by the immortal Rudy Kemmler (114 passed balls in 1883.) But he could reach 20-to-30, which would be certifiably, for-the-ages horrible. What were we thinking?

7. Betances. Same guy as last year - that is, we wouldn't want him in a playoff game. Incredible stuff. Still can't hold runners. We thought he could overcome it. Why?

6. The rest of the bullpen. We told ourselves - with help from the courtier media - our relief corps was the best in baseball. After just three weeks, we're on the verge of bringing up pitchers who were afterthoughts in Tampa. How could we be so gullible? 

5. Tyler Wade. He looked good in spring training, so we dismissed his failed audition last summer. Thus far, he has shown us next to nothing, and the shadow of Scranton now looms over every at-bat. Once he goes down - especially if he trades places with Gleyber - will we ever see him again?

4. Brendan Drury and Clint Frazier. We cannot blame players for being hurt, but both are suffering from bizarre head injuries, which mean all bets are off.  I don't remember a Yankee with a personal history of recurring migraines. And Frazier's concussion now has wiped away six weeks - no end in sight. We cannot expect either soon, and way down deep, we must wonder if either can make an impact on 2018. Head injuries are weird: Did you know that yesterday, Chuck Schumer actually signed a bong?

3. Giancarlo. When a guy wins the MVP on a team that finishes 20 games behind, what does it mean? It means he hit meaningless home runs in meaningless games. So he comes to NYC, and we somehow think he'll thrive on all the polarizing attention? What were we thinking?

2. Sonny Gray. There's no other way to put this: He's on the verge of joining an elite cadre of Yankee pitching monstrosities - from Jeff Weaver to Carl Pavano, from Javier Vazquez to Kei Igawa - "power arms" who arrived with too many miles on their shoulders. He was good three years ago. Isn't that the essence of every Cashman trade? Should we call him "Sonny Kei?" 

1. Cooperstown Cashman. All winter, he was lauded as a crypto-genius, the chess master moving pieces into place, while saving money and building a top farm system. Well, have you looked at the 7-7 Trenton Thunder lately? Last night, they fielded a lineup with maybe one legitimate prospect - Dillon Tate, who comes with a lot of caveats. Thus far, our vaunted farm system looks as mediocre as the MLB team. And already, we're bracing for a mid-season wave of acquiring salary dumps - more players who were good three years ago. What were we thinking. WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING? 

11 comments:

Publius said...

What a Cash-tastrophe. Even the RailRiders have slipped to .500.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Maybe, in retrospect (at least thru 1/10th of the season) -- Jeter was not an idiot for letting GStanton go for cheap. Eh?

Maybe, even, Baseball Executive Of The Year! . . . what, then, does this make Cashman?

And if it seems too soon to come to any such verdict, it will help to remember -- we've got GStanton under wraps through the year 2027.

In fact, the contract details say NYYs will pay Stanton $25 million in the year 2027.

13bit said...

Amen, Duque

Anonymous said...

IS COOPERSTOWN STILL HEADED FOR COOPERSTOWN?

13bit said...

By the same token, one quick losing streak and we're in the cellar. That could turn out to be the best thing for us in the long run. It's clear that Crackhead Cash, aka "Cooperstown," aka "Agent 000," aka "Bald Brian from the Bronx" has NOT bottomed out on his peculiar addiction yet. Until he really feels the consequences of his problem, there is no way he will change. He is probably incapable of being patient at this point, of NOT scooping up any re-tread has-been cast-off past-hero hyphenated-loser. He is probably incapable of not convincing himself that he is the guru of bad pitching knowledge - see Volume 23 of "Keys to the Kingdom." He is probably incapable of changing, but there may be hope.

Two seasons ago, when it was clear that we sucked big-time, he actually opened the farm faucet a little bit. Some good stuff came out. We had hope. It almost came to fruition withe the magical mystery run of 2017, but that's all it took for him. Addicted to the success he had experience while "managing" the team somebody ELSE had built, he had to reassert his WILL over the organization. Sudden moves that gained HIM big headlines. That surge in the adrenaline that accompanies heavy trade line phone calls. The sucking sound as the farm system is drained of all talent in exchange for crapshoots that even Vegas would lay odds on. It didn't take him long to revert to form.

So what do we do now? Maybe we hope for the worst. Look at what last year's success brought us.

I'm not going to proof this. I'm tired. I don't care. The Yankees have blotted out the sun once again. I'm going to slurp my coffee, let it dribble on my t shirt, and think about what other boxes of crap I can discard in order to lighten the physical and psychic load of life.

I love you all.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious quote, ALL-CAPS! And great analysis, Duque.

I would only add:

—You're worried Giancarlo will be another A-Rod?

Hey if, Stanton gives us 2 MVPs, 7 straight seasons of 30 homers and over 100 ribbies, three years of an over .300 BA, a .900 OPS through 12 seasons, steals 20 bases a year, and generally plays the best defense in baseball at his position...I will be dancing a jig, provided they let me use my walker for it in the home.

Right now, Stanton looks like a far, far cry from Annoying Alex.

—You are profoundly right about "What were we thinking?"

Put it this way: Cashman in "rebuilding" this team went out to match wits with his old nemesis, Theo Epstein; the guys who rebuilt an excellent Indians team (Chernoff?), and Derek Jeter, a man who has systematically arranged his life so that he became a fabulously wealthy individual, married to a supermodel, and adored by millions...PLAYING FOR HIS FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TEAM.

He's not only living the dream, he built it piece by piece. And this is the guy Brian Cashman was going to outsmart?

What were we smoking? And where can we get it again???

HoraceClarke66 said...

Something else: when do we get a new pitching coach?

We were all headset against acquiring Gerrit Cole, because we scoffed at the notion that all he had to do was make a few, little adjustments, and his overwhelming good stuff would shine through again.

We were right to scoff, though—since those few adjustments were never coming from us.

We're told in the paper today that the Yanks just wanted Sonny Gray to change his approach a little bit, and stop thinking so much on the mound. Then he'd be fine.

But somehow, no can do.

Incidentally, in the trench warfare between Soccer and the Yanks, our boys have narrowed the gap slightly. It now stands Soccer 64, Yanks 61, on the season. I know you were dying to know.

John M said...

My mom is 94 now. She deserves one more ring before Valhalla. Cashman is denying it to her.

WHAT KIND OF BASTARD DENIES AN OLD LADY A FINAL WORLD SERIES RING?

Sorry for yelling. But for fuck's sake, Sonny Gray and John Carlo Clank Scranton. Jesus already.

Alphonso said...

Just a god damned minute!

I told you last year that Tyler wade was a fraud. That he couldn't hit. That he would never hit. That he would hit one hop ground outs to first and second every time he made contact with the fucking ball.

He sucks and we'll be happy not to see him again.

Let him return to Scranton, hit .310 and get traded to the dickhead league.

I also told you that the entire Yankee demise was due to Greg Bird. That he was a walking DL candidate, sent here by the Devil to befuddle, plague and piss us off. He has , again, ruined this season.

I also told you last night, once Sonny Grey yielded his first two runs ( to tie the score), that we would have to score 10 to win. I guess 9 would have done the job.

My point is; we have no pitching and, unless we bludgeon other teams into submission, we aren't winning any games ( Luis being the one exception ).

The fact that Stanton is starting to hit again will not matter a single whit.

Oh, I forgot; IT IS ALL CASHMAN's FAULT !

Anonymous said...

Al, you need to stop being so nega... I'm kidding. You're right. I'll admit it. I drank so much Kool Aide my piss is Jim Jones Orange.

Maybe I need to re-calibrate. OK I'm ready.

There's no fire. There's no anger. Sure Stone Cold Tyler Austin got into it once but it didn't carry. And as someone mentioned (I'm too lazy to go back and look who it was) but Sanchez needs to get into some faces.

He needs to go all Posada on them. Yell at them. Piss on their pitching arms if need be. But step it up man. He looks like he's moping all the time. Thurman, and Jorge were angry guys! On the next road trip he needs to drive there with Paul O'Neil. No more listening to the Enya channel on Sirris XM. Find your fire Gary!


But the problem is really the pitching. Someone finally mentioned Larry Rothchild. Perhaps he should back to banking.

I was wrong about Sonny Grey. Small pitcher comes up small. I thought he was the next coming of David Cone or Whitey Ford but right now the only Ford he resembles is a Pinto. They blew up all the time too. And yes I apologize for advocating it.

I can't say about the hurt guys in the trade but we will regret losing Florial. Also, who ever does the pitching trade evaluations really needs to find another line of work.

I haven't put the game on yet (It's been on for an hour and a half - I'm DVRing it) so for all I know we're up 82-0.) But this team need to get pissed off. and for those of you counting the word piss and it's derivations it is three. Four if you count this one. That's a lot of piss (5) Maybe I should up my dose of Flomax. (5 1/2)

Doug K.

Nickname Damur said...

Wow. Such well-placed and well-deserved bile. It makes me glad that I passed on the MLB package this season. If they somehow manage not to suck all season, maybe I’ll pick up one of those discount offers they run. Or not.

But this team, maddonn’ Oy vey do they smell to high heaven.