Wednesday, April 25, 2018

"And now it's time for another episode of, 'Sonny Gray, Boy Pitcher!'"

SONNY: Aww gee, Mr. Peabody, the batters are starting to catch on to the fact that I'm just a boy, despite that formula you came up with to make me five-ten. I can't pitch in the majors!

MR. PEABODY: Nonsense, Sherman—er, "Sonny." When I adopted you, I promised that I would fulfill your dream of being a star on the Yankees, and so I shall.

SONNY: But I get so scared out there, Mr. Peabody! I'm bouncing everything in the dirt, and then I groove one!

MR. PEABODY: I have just the solution for that, Sonny: your own, personal catcher.

A robot lumbers into the room. It is a perfect facsimile of Austin Romine, in full catching gear.

MR. PEABODY: Sonny, say hello to my latest creation: the Romine Bot.

SONNY: What happened to the real Austine Romine, Mr. Peabody?

MR. PEABODY: Don't worry your pre-pubescent head about that, Sonny. Suffice it to say that I've arranged for Mr. Romine to be pleasantly detained for a few hours by a certain sex cult in Brooklyn, headed by a Seagram's heiress.

SONNY: Gee willikers, Mr. Peabody!

MR. PEABODY: Indeed. Now, please pay attention to the special features on your personal catcher. Note the Magneto Glove I created, which will guide any pitch you throw into it, no matter how poorly you throw it. Note also the special Hypno Eye Beams, which will calm you into maintaining your composure and performing well under pressure—just as if you were a real, grown-up, major-league pitcher.

SONNY: (already sounding dazed) I seeeeeee...

MR. PEABODY: If worse comes to worse in any case—the problem is that your pitches still just aren't very fast, Sonny, I must work on that formula for your grown-up arm muscles—the Romine Bot also comes equipped with a switch behind its shin guard, which can trigger the WABAC Machine, and return to the moments BEFORE you throw any gopher balls, or other disasters.

SONNY: Gol-ly, Mr. Peabody! How can I lose?

MR. PEABODY: How indeed, Sonny? Remember: you're playing the Twins.



27 comments:

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I was amused! We need to make a video version of this. Couple of stills from the show and poor impersonations.

Leinstery said...

Which Sonny Gray will we see tonight? Will it be the abysmal one that keeps popping up this season? Or will we be lucky and get Sonny at his best and he gives us 4 1/3 innings?

Leinstery said...

We have our answer

Rufus T. Firefly said...

He must have game planned with Toonces.

Leinstery said...

Suzyn just delivered this ominous statement - "Brigadoon is coming." Does Cooperstown have designs on bringing back Refsnyder?

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


It is possible -- correct me if wrong -- to move GStanton down in the batting order from 3rd or 4th to maybe 7th or 8th.

Right?

Leinstery said...

Just have him wear Austin's number and let him serve the suspension

Mark Hesler said...

John and Suzyn continue to reference Brigadoon!!!

John M said...

Didi is insanely great. Ty Austin ain't bad, either.

Joe F said...

Didi/Austin wow...Can we have Stanton platoon with Bird when he comes back

Leinstery said...

Nice error by Andujar. I think I now understand: the fog has allowed Brigadoon Refsnyder to channel himself into Andujar, who I have compared to on numerous occasions.

Parson Tom said...

In order to speed up games, Major League Baseball has announced that Sonny Gray will be limited to two-inning appearances.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Never nervous just put the BJs ahead 3-2.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Mookie Wilson just got two back.

Leinstery said...

Who would have guessed Chasen Shreve would be the most steadfast guy in the bullpen? If not for Hick's blunder last night, he'd still have an era of 0.00

Leinstery said...

In regards to never nervous, it's throwback night in the Sunoco broadcast booth. John has done honorary "Grandyman can" "Cisco the kid rides again" and Suzyn delivered a "Never Nervous"

Anonymous said...

THIS SONOFABITCH CAN'T GIVE US 5 FULL INNINGS IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

WHAT A STRUGGLE!...TAKING FOREVER!

HE JUST LOOKS LIKE A 2 PITCH PITCHER TO ME....

THAT WON'T GET IT DONE, ESPECIALLY IN THE DIVISION WE ARE IN- (EVEN THE LAST PLACE ORIOLES CAN BOMB YOU OUT OF THE PARK).

LOOKS LIKE COOP'S SHITTY PITCHING ACUMEN STRIKES AGAIN.

DID HE SCOUT SONNY GRAY IN DETAIL BEFORE THE DEAL? (TO SEE IF HE HAS MORE THAN 2 "OUT" PITCHES)?

FOR THAT MATTER, DID HE SCOUT STANTON IN DETAIL, (LIKE WATCHING HIS FIELDING AND WHETHER HE COULD HIT SLIDERS FROM RIGHTIES)?

....OR DID COOP JUST WATCH ESPN EVERY MORNING AND SAY , "WOW!..WISH I COULD SNAG HIM!"

HoraceClarke66 said...

Can Scranton hit anything? And how nice that we had Sonny's personal catcher in there to go 0-3. It was worth it, considering what a tremendous difference it made for Sonny.

Love the kids, though. And Tyler Austin, who must have been standing on a table in the clubhouse, singing, "And I'm telling you, I'm not going!"

Parson Tom said...

Heck of a game for T.Austin. That pop fly behind 1B was slick. Can he play outfield? Yankees are stacked. Maybe if they covered most of Stanton's salary, they could trade him for a relief pitcher. Already Stanton has created a roster logjam. Good thing he's going to be with us til the year 2525.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Actually, Tyler played OF for most of his minor-league career—and as we saw, he's not too bad at running down a pop fly.

Neil Walker's days as a Yankee should be counted on one hand. Ellsbury should be told to take all summer down in Tampa. I guess Drury could be a back-up for now. Wade, alas...

The question is what can we use to get pitching?

KD said...

Personal catcher. What a fucking joke. Sonny and Toonces... perfect together on the Shrink’s couch.

Anonymous said...

GUYS....I'M SCARED.

DRURY IS REHABBING IN SCRANTON ALREADY AND GOT 2 HITS TONIGHT.

LETS SEE HOW WE CAN FUCK UP THIS WONDERFUL MOMENTUM WE HAVE GOING ON NOW.

COOP IS GOING TO TRY TO STRETCH THE SOUP, AND FUCK THIS BEAUTIFUL VIBE WE HAVE RIGHT NOW.

WE WON 5 IN A ROW, AND SOMEHOW I FEEL LIKE PUKING.

I LIKED DRURY BEFORE HIS PROBLEM.

WHY DO I WANT HIM TO STAY IN SCRANTON FOREVER NOW?

EVEN WHEN WE WIN, I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I hear ya, ALL-CAPS!

I think if they send Andujar down we should all jump from the higher reaches of the Stadium, in suicidal protest. All right, a tad extreme. But can't we at least go and picket Cashman at his home then? Where is Coops' Coop, anyway?

I think—THINK—that enthusiasm is running too high for the kids for even Coops to pull that now. I suspect that Neil Walker will go away instead, which will be none too soon.

When Bird comes back, though, the jig is up. We will have to either cut a pitcher or toss somebody overboard.

Much as I hate to entertain the thought, should it be Gardner? This is his last year in pinstripes anyway, and he's not really producing. He feels like too valuable a piece to let go, though.

Also, the bell is now starting to toll for real for Ellsbury, big contract or no big contract.

If the infield is Bird, Austin, Torres, Torreyes, Didi, Andujar, and Drury, and the outfield is Judge, Scranton, Hicks, and Gardner, can we scrape by with a mere 12 hurlers? But where does that leave Red Thunder?

Well, a good dilemma to have at least...

ranger_lp said...

Rocky: "AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR MR-KNOW-IT-ALL!!!"
Bullwinkle (I meant Cashman): "Hello There..."

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I am upset that you would allow the sliming and degrading of Bullwinkle on this blog.

It's OK to do that to Hillary or Donnie Boy -- but you must draw the line at respectable, upstanding moose.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Bring back Kim Jones to play Natasha.

Who would play Boris Badenov? Randy Levine?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Bullwinkle Cashman: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a hitter out of my hat!

Reaches into top hat, pulls up Giancarlo Stanton.

Bullwinkle Cashman: Whoops, wrong hat!