These Guys Know What They're Talking About

I got back from Colorado this evening—and no, I was NOT out there at NORAD helping to make certain technical arrangements should that June 12th summit stay canceled (Un-ray.) Nope, no way, nothing at all like that (Un-ray. Ow-nay.).

In my absence, no surprise, El Duque and Alphonso came through with the answers to this disturbing hiccough in what has already been an immensely entertaining Yankees season.

Their basic idea, stated outright I think by El Duque, but reiterated in several creative ways by Alphonso, as well: get younger.

Now, I know that I have already proposed at least 30-40 different "solutions" for this team playing nearly .700 ball, but my loss- or drink-fueled rages aside, I think this sums it up perfectly.

We should be trying to built the best team possible, not getting all caught up in acquiring the pitcher who can win for us this year. And we should keep trying to get younger and more flexible—not less so.

Once we accept this, certain things seem obvious:

—Trade Walker for whatever lottery ticket arms we can get. Not only is Austin better, he can also play another position besides first base.

—If and when he is ever fit to walk out of the whirlpool bath, trade TEIE (The Ever-Injured Ellsbury) for the same. Agree to pick up his whole salary, if necessary. Like Walker, he won't be missed.

—Get Toe and Red Thunder back up to the majors. Now. This is just silly. Toe has done absolutely everything that has ever been asked of him, and done it brilliantly. Send back down whoever is today's No. 12 and No. 13 pitchers. This is not rocket science.

—Start every possible Scranton prospect—including the foundering Chance Adams—in the makeup game doubleheaders ahead. Let's see what they have, starting with Sheffield. Is this Josh Rogers guy as good as his stats seem to indicate? I dunno. Let's have a look.

—Trade Sonny Gray for what we can get. New York is not a place for the easily frightened.

Tougher dilemmas?

—Giancarlo. Yes, Alphonso, I admit it: I fell for a classic grift, the deal that was just too good to be true.

Like most marks, I was looking at the big, shiny watch, instead of the guy selling it. Derek Jeter? That guy who has arranged his entire life exactly as he wanted it? Who became a Hall-of-Famer, four-ring champion playing for his favorite childhood team, then ended up with a gazillion dollars, married to a supermodel?

Yeah, how could THAT guy ever put anything over on Cooperstown Cashman?

Sure enough, as Alphonso predicted, Giancarlo turned out to be the biggest poisoned pill since the Trojan Horse. But now that we're stuck with his millstone of a contract, what to do?

Is there anyway we can find a left-handed bat to platoon with him? But that would probably make him so mad he would demand a trade or at least opt out of his contract in four years! Hmm.

—Time to stop pretending that Sir Didi is just going through a rough patch. Is he hurt? Then bring back Toe and put him on the DL until he's better.

Is he reverting to pre-Yankee mediocrity?

This would put our get-younger resolution to the test. I love Didi to death, but in that case we should seriously consider dealing him for pitching, and signing Manny—who is, after all, almost three years YOUNGER than Didi.

Or, can we move El Conquistador to short, and find a new second-sacker? I don't know.

The one thing we should NOT do? Trade players for Manny. You know he's going to test the free-agent market in any case. Give up cash if we must, but not money.

But whatever happens, give it up for Peerless and Dauntless. They know what they're talking about. Get. Younger.

All right, that's all I have to report, except that the Yankees-Soccer contest will have to have a permanent asterisk, unless someone has a Friday NY Times. The local rats, still angry over that Pineapple last Wednesday, gnawed it to pieces right out on my stoop.

Unless somebody can fill in the gaps, I have it at *Yankees 92, Soccer 87.

But hey, things will probably change with the World Cup next month. And don't worry, there WILL be a next month! (Un-ray. Ow-nay.) Really, I swear! (Un-ray ar-fay. Ot-nay idding-kay. UN-RAY!)