The State of the Union

The worst visions of Alphonso are coming true. This team is so flawed, even the bright spots have a horrible shadow across them.

I have avoided being here or even watching or listening to games, preferring instead to devote my free time to a more productive pursuit, i.e., drinking heavily. The hangovers from that hobby are much less painful than the ones produced by witnessing another sad spectacle of weak hitting and abysmal RISP performance, not to mention the weird predilection of Girardi to bring in horrible farmhands from the bullpen in key situations.

Let's start with a batting overview. Get out your reading glasses, since in order to fit all columns this can't be very large. And you don't need the column headers to see what's what.

I knew that Ichiro would be valuable to this team regardless of the consistent drumbeat of haters who wanted to see him thrown on the scrapheap. But I had no idea he would be leading the team in batting average in early May. Ellsbury has been more than good, although his baserunning judgment seems to be addled by some kind of hallucinogen he is taking in his off hours. That, in fact, helped us not win the game last night (as opposed to 'lose', which wouldn't be quite fair since there are a number of guilty parties we could name for that). Solarte is still hovering around .300. Everyone else, not to put too fine a point on it, sucks. Our starters are pathetic. Soriano, I suppose, is OK, since nobody expected much from him by way of BA and he and Beltran are tied with five HRs. McCann and Tex are showing some power, too, but extrapolating out the HR numbers means Sori and Beltran are on pace to whack a 25-30 for the year and Tex and Mac 20-24. Not horrible, but the crummy BA and RISP numbers and lack of power from everyone else doesn't bode well. We are so screwed. (Question: what is it about the Yankees that almost every team of the past 10-plus years has been so challenged with RISP? It just fluctuates mostly from terrible to embarrassing no matter who is wearing the uniforms. Is there a curse? Is not signing Tino and going with Steroid Boy still destroying our juju?)

Then there's the pitching. Sorry for the sloppiness, I'm too dispirited to fix it.

Hey, not so bad. The bullpen is doing great! But of course, CC is sucking just as bad as last year, and Kuroda is off the rails. If we didn't spend the money to get Tanaka, our starting rotation would certifiably stink. Oh, speaking of the bullpen...and Nuno and Nova...

The N&N boys have been lousy. Yeah, yeah, Nova needs surgery. Excuses don't show up in the W-L column. Look at those last five names, subtracting Anna. These guys have come into games and completely lost them. Our L column would look quite a bit different if they had never shown up at all. But it's more important to make sure the 'good bullpen' isn't worked too much on any given day, so they can be ready for the next loss. This stuff drives me nuts, and I don't think I'm exactly alone.

What does it all mean? 4th place is my guess. The idea that almost every position player and starter is going to suddenly turn their seasons around strains the credulity of even the most rabid fan. 

Will 2014 be 1966 after all? It's beginning to look that way.

We. Suck.

Catholics can begin lighting candles at their local faith emporium for whatever good it will do.