Wednesday, August 20, 2008

God to Yankees: Drop Dead

NORTH OF BUFFALO, CANADA _ Yankweh, the god of aging baseball teams, today proclaimed that He has chosen Toronto Blue Jays to compete in baseball's riveting 2008 wild card derby.
He made the ruling following Tuesday night's thrilling Blue Jay victory over the former New York Yankees, following a disasterous error by the former Johnny Damon, a base-running miscue by the former Alex Rodriguez, and four amazing strike outs by the current and future Jason Giambi.
The former centerfielder Damon was playing in place of former prospect Brett Gardner, who was shifted in order to keep God's perfect record of foiling the moves of Yankee manager Joe Girardi.
Meanwhile, in Houston, God was allowing the current LaTroy Hawkins to pitching in his 8th game since being released by the Yanks. Hawkins has thrown five full innings, giving up no runs, only two hits, and he has struck out 11.
While God was making His moves in Toronto, He was also pulling strings in Trenton, where He prepared his archangel, Carl Pavano, to return triumphantly to the Yankees next weekend. Under God's funniest scenario, the Yankees will have lost three in a row, and then find an uplifting performance by Pavano.
He will then become the Yanks' best pitcher down the stretch, before signing next year with the Boston Redsocks.

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