Friday, August 22, 2008

Maybe I Have Been Too Hard on the Yankees

After months of personal attacks aimed at my negativity toward this year's Yankee product, I may finally be coming around.

Admittedly, my love for tequila and barrooms may have pushed me to twist the facts. Perhaps I was focusing on the wrong things.

Maybe, just maybe, you are all correct, and that this team is going to win " 7 of 9 " while the Redsox, Twins, Rays, White Sox, Tigers, Blue Jays and Orioles lose " 7 of 9."

Look what we have working for us now:

1. Carl Pavano returns to provide payback on that $39.95 million contract.

2. Kei Igawa has worked his way back to " trade bait " status, for another planned personnel raid on the Sapporo Tigers.

3. Dan Geise was a very pleasant pitching discovery before his injury.

4. Joba is already soft-tossing and will be back for an October run, once they decide on his role.

5. A-Rod is fed up with the criticism that he doesn't hustle, can't run the bases and is not a clutch hitter. He has told page 6 that, " there will not be more than two chippies a night, while on the road." So look for him to make a serious run at MVP in the next few weeks.

6. The "Godzilla" we wrestled away from Japan "returned" last night and his power numbers will continue to climb. Two months of a seaweed wrap have done wonders for that torn ACL.

7. Johhny Damon has a new glove and 100 more maple bats, ready for the post-season.

8. Pudge is settling in and will begin to hit any day now.

9. Sidney and his favorite relief tandem had a bad night, but that is out of their systems now.

10. Jose Molina showed he can provide depth at first base.

11. And while Kennedy and Hughes are still not major league ready, they are working very, very hard at Scranton and will be in Spring Training next season. My sources tell me that both have made major strides in fielding bunts to the 3rd base side of the mound.

12. Edwar Martinez, while flashing hot and cold, will be coming back with me to the South Mexican dirt-field independent league for the off season. He is an "icon " down there, will be welcomed with a donkey-led " pinata " parade, and is committed to work on that one pitch where he seems vulnerable to the grand slam.

13. Meanwhile, the Captain is red hot. " We have to start winning some games, he said. We are running out of time. More guys need to have better at-bats."

14. Robbie Cano does have the stroke to be the AL batting champ, right?

OK. So there. I'm on board. We are going to win this thing. Now. This season. I have a call in to Mayor Bloomberg to crank up the floats and cordon off lower Broadway.


Anonymous said...

“Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry” Ali MacGraw

Anonymous said...

Glad you're getting your meds sorted out.

Anonymous said...

I hate you Alphonso....

I hate the fact you were right when you said during the failed run at Johan that neither Phailure Phranchise Philly and Ian I suck a fat dank Kennedy would be winless.

I hate that you drink all our tequila, and shtup all our women in your South o the Border Bars.

I hate that The Mexican Independant Dirt Field League will be home to such Yankees greats as Hughes, Kennedy, Duncan and Duncan, Ramirez, Pudge, Melky and Cano by this time next year.

But O love the fact that this blog employs you.

Long Live IIH, IIF, IIc !!!!!

The Shamus
Member since 2007

Cowgirl-Up said...

Please get a life. It's only baseball.

Anonymous said...

cowgirl up can suck my stank dank.