Saturday, August 16, 2008

1983 Night Ranger Power Chord Ballad Prophesized Last Night's Horror

Exactly 25 years ago (25=Jason Giambi!), Night Ranger (right) released "Sister Christian," one of the great stoner rock-outs of all time.

Until last night, we never understood the lyrics.

WARNING: This is no coincidence. This is yet another wrinkle in the Yankee/Universal time-space continuum fabric... another sign of impending ARODDAGGEDON.

I've included analysis for those who might have missed the game, or be too painfully stunned by its outcome to yet digest literature.

You better be sitting down.


Sister Christian, oh, the time has come
(Trailing by a run in the 9th, with no outs, we sent in rookie speedster Justin Christian to pinch run; the "sister" reference is derogatory, noting unproven status; gender switch will continue later.)

And you know that you're the only one...
To say... OK.
(We needed "only one" run to tie, to possibly save our season; Christian was our fastest man on the bench; it was certain he'd get the steal sign and say, "OK.")

Where you going, what you looking for?
(He was hopefully going home. He was "looking for" a career-maker moment.)

You know those boys don't want to play no more...
With you... it's true.
("Those boys," the KC Royals, did not want Justin to score.)

You're motoring! What's your price for flight?
(Justin took a big lead, and on a 3-2 count, paid the "price for flight:" he was picked off.)

In finding mister right,
(Reference to RH Derek Jeter, on deck.)

You'll be alright tonight.
(Attempt to console young player, who was visibly shattered.)

Babe you know you're growing up so fast,
(Christian is 28.)

And mama's worrying that you won't last...
To say... let's play,
("Mama" is George Steinbrenner -- note gender-switch for both characters -- who might send Christian to Scranton, forever.)

Sister Christian, there's so much in life,
(Suggestion of a new career.)

Don't you give it up before your time...
Is due... It's true... It's true,
(Exhorting the young man not to quit.)

Motoring, what's your price for flight...?
(Repeat power chorus, as if to assure young Christian that all will be well, even though there is a tremendous ironical sense that nothing will ever be right again; also, call for veterans in clubhouse to roll another fattie.)


Anonymous said...

If I were a Yankees fan , i'd be stoned all the time !!!

Anonymous said...

interesting... but if looked up anything about the song you would easily find out that this song is about one of the band member sisters growing up and him not beaing able to deal with it