Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Bah. Humbug. Yankee fans are facing one crappy Yankee Christmas

It's time to ponder our real holiday: International Yankee Day of Healing, July 15, on the sunny afternoon when both Michael Pineda and A-Rod return. What joy we will experience! All kids under the age of 14 will receive a free MRI, courtesy of WB Mason and Little Debbie Snack Cakes. Tickets will include a tour of the Hebrew Home at Riverside, which is like a college campus! The stadium will be decked out in gauze bunting, and during the 7th inning stretch everyone in the park will down a 100 mg tab of Valium.

What darkness fills Yankee hearts this troubled season? We're getting nuttin' for Christmas. (Meanwhile, the Redsocks are cornering the market on designated hitters. They now have a four man DH rotation - if you count Larnaway. They're one Jacoby Ellsbury strain from filling out a five-man. ) Seriously, this is getting depressing.

We have no catcher, no right fielder, and there's no free agent out there for either. We know in our hearts that Mariano is compromised by age, and yet the Yankees pretend he'll be back and just as dependable as ever. Are we daft? Our best prospects are two years away, so to get anybody in a trade would require Cashman to bundle a bunch of them - seriously raid our farm system - and then we'll clean house next winter anyway, in the Steinbrothers' Scroogian quest for the $189 million payroll.

So let's get this straight. Around the All-Star break, just as Andy and Mariano are breaking down, we'll have Michael Pineda, that is, the new Michael Pineda, following shoulder surgery. By then, Eric Chavez will be on crutches - that is, if we signed him - and Mike Adams - the kid we'll probably never even give a look - will be revving up in Scranton. A-Rod will arrive just in time to make him the next Brandon Laird, repeating Triple A endlessly until he simply disappears one day and nobody remembers him. And who is going to catch? Yesterday, we even lost our Eli: Those pesky Blue Jays took Whiteside off waivers.

Seriously, this IS getting depressing. For any other team, this would be a made-for-order rebuilding year: Just bridge the season, keep our prospects and hope for a better 2014. But with "The Other Rupert" Murdoch demanding ratings on YES, what's going to happen when we're 10 games out in June and NYC is discovering the Mets?

Here's one scenario, and I just offer it to round out our holiday gloom: Around June 30, with the trade deadline screaming like a bird in the jungle, it will be the perfect time for Cashman to drain the system for a Kevin Millwood or maybe a DH. We'll we waiting for A-Rod and Pineda. What excitement! What anticipation! What else can go wrong? Something tells me, we'll soon find out.


JM said...

Remember the good old days? Horace Clarke, Gene Michael, Jake Gibbs, Stan Bahnsen, Rocky Colavito, the young Bobby Murcer, Steve Hamilton, the great Stott...

Those were great times. We sucked, we knew we sucked, and finishing anywhere above the bottom of the old league was an achievement and made you feel proud. A .500 year? Holy cow, now you're talking! Break out the champagne, you huckleberry!

Why was it more fun to follow that team than this one? Why did we have to sell half of YES to Murdoch the ghoul instead of CBS? Mike Burke had great hair, ya have to admit. The guy was awfully hip for baseball. He and Pepitone could share a hair dryer.

Where have you gone, Fritz Peterson? Come back, Kekich. This is just torture.

Play the kids, you morons. They're cheap and they have heart and they don't get injured by a gum wrapper blowing in the breeze.

SanJoseKid said...

Is it too late to make a blockbuster trade with the Kansas City Athletics? It worked in the 1950s & 1960s . . . .