Friday, December 21, 2012

Holiday Weekend Takeaway Thought: With a second Gulf Coast League team, are the Yankees attempting to construct a mirror universe, and thus are they tampering with a fundamental law of atomic physics?

ABSTRACT: In an earlier report, we empirically discussed the positive news that the Yankees next year will field a second team - let's call them Yankees II - in the rookie dirt-level Gulf Coast League of Florida. In this post, we will consider the cutting edge ramifications of this development, with regard to elemental space-and-time.

PREAMBLE: The worlds of science fiction and atomic string theory have long postulated the existence of multiverses - an infinite number of parallel realities that co-exist in cosmic planes, beyond our temporal awareness.

QUESTION: By tampering with the molecular structure of the minor leagues - specifically, the entry level - could the Yankees create a new multiverse? And if so, what does it mean?

FACT: In 2013, when the Gulf Coast League Blue Jays play the Yankees, they will not be playing the Yankees. They will be facing a variation of Yankiness - the Yankees I or Yankees II. Each day, the Yankees will field two concurrent realities - with players and fans experiencing divergent timelines.  

It is a fundamental tenet of physics and movies that no one can travel back in time and meet themselves. Nevertheless, the Yankees in 2013 - at the sub-atomic level of Rookie League - will be able to play with themselves. 

THROUGHOUT HISTORY: A day in the GCL offered two Yankee outcomes: A win or a loss. Now, the Yankees can win and lose, or win twice or lose twice. Add the possibility of doubleheaders, and the number of outcomes rises exponentially. We could go 2-1. We could go 3-1.  

We may experience the day when the GCL Yankees lose four times.

THE FUTURE: In theory, these dual timelines merge in 2014, when players move up to Charleston or go home... unless the Yankees II spawn a Charleston multiverse - Charleston Chew II?

This could create an alternative Yankee system.  In 2015, the high Single A Tampa Yankees would split. Then in 2016, the Trentonites, and in 2017, the long prophesized - and some would say overdue - breakup of Scranton and Wilkes Barre could take place. Scranton could play Wilkes Barre! Blood on the coal!

By 2018, the Yankees could field two mirror reality teams, each with a bloated payroll and aging personnel. The Yankees could play for the American League Championship. But under the current laws of physics, they cannot face each other in a World Series.

CONCLUSION: We at IIH are nearing a great breakthrough in the appreciation of reality.

Imagine it: Twice the number of 40-year-old outfielders, twice the DL listings, an A-Rod and a Josh, a Robbie and a Bobby... two John Sterlings crying. "Ballgames over, Yankees and Yankees win, thuuuuh Yankees and Yankees... win."

At that point, comrades, the world ends.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

1 comment:

joe de pastry [DOM] said...

I usually ignore the ads, but that aerie chick is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.