Sunday, December 16, 2012

Vernon Wells? No.... NO... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOugh... (swallow)... No.

Supposedly, the Anaheim Disneys - having bought the AL West and replaced the Steinbrothers as Old George's true spiritual heir - want to put Vernon Wells in a crate, poke a breathing hole into the top and put in some lettuce, and ship him to NYC on the Amazon book rate. In return, they'll accept a card that gets them a free fried clams plate at Denny's.

It's one thing to be neutered by Hal and Hank's lust for gold. Must we also now serve as Mickey and Minnie Mouse's dumpster?
Last year, Vernon Wells hit .230 with 13 HRs and on on-base percentage shy of Betty White. That's Anduw Jones, after he's been left in a microwave. Why would we want another Andruw Jones? Because Wells is "feared?" I'll tell you who fears him: Yankee fans fear him. 

I've called for a Chris Dickerson rule on all acquisitions via the Antiques Road Show.  It's simple: We ask, what would Chris Dickerson do? Would this guy do better?(Frankly, I'm not sold on Ichiro for two-years, but whadda I know? I'm a blooging blogger.) Of course, in this case, Dickerson bats LH, and Wells RH, so it's sort of moot. Wells would team with Raul Ibanez -- a two-man elderly DH platoon - once again stripping Girardi of late innings options and guaranteeing that Robbie Cano plays every inning.

Good grief, can't we beat a declining .230 hitter? Jason Nix can hit .230, and he's a utility infield glove. Eduardo Nunez? Ronnier Mustelier? Billy Crystal? Anybody?

Well, if we sign Vernon Wells, forget them all. No matter how bad he looks in spring training, he's our man. We'll be invested in him. He'll hit a HR every three weeks, revving speculation that he's ready to break out... but by the end of the year, there it will be: .225 with 13 HRs and a well rehearsed stroll back to the dugout, shaking his head, following his 110 whiffs, while the Yankee propaganda team hawks the upcoming home series against Seattle.

Dear God, it took a year to realize the mistake known as Andruw Jones.

Did we learn from it?


Danny Tartabull said...

You're right! The Steinbrenners latched on to an old script of the film "Major League". Where's the phone?

JM said...

Did we learn from it?