Wednesday, December 5, 2012

What’s next for free-spending Redsocks, Sir Andruw Jones of the Free-Swinging Wheelhouse?

Having snared the Holey Trinity — Gomes, Nappoli and Victorino — Boston could run the aging DH table and land smilin’ Andruw “Me and Mrs” Jones from the free agent fishtank, ensuring an enjoyable 2013 for Yankee fans who enjoy reading Daily Dan Shaughnessy. 

    Seriously, this is the most entertaining Redsock-watching winter since Tweezerlips Yawkee obtained Dick “Dr. Strangeglove” Stuart for Jim Pagliaroni and Donny Schwall, and promptly started charting the weekly pace of beating Roger Maris’ record. 

    This is like watching Syria, if you’re a student undertaker. The Boston Dirt Dogs website has been publishing the kind of daily dirt you’d expect if an entire news network was built around the activities of Lindsay Lohan.  Every day, it’s a new bad idea. Are they trying to make the Yankees look good?

    The Redsocks started by re-signing Big Papi, the main DH, which keeps him aboard through 2014. It’s as if Boston wants to be there to see the tires fall off. Does anybody really think the guy has two years left?

    Then came Jonny Gomes, the baseball equivalent of Sheldon Adelson, in that they both own a defective mitt. Badaboom. Then it’s Mike Nappoli, the catcher who can’t catch, coming off a bad year – which was actually his usual year, if you ignore 2011, which was ridiculously out of proportion. And finally, it’s Shane Victorino, whose onbase percentage falls into Ichiro range. Wow. Did Carl Crawford mess them up, or what?  

   Listen: Anything can happen. Maybe Jacoby Tenderbelly and Teachers Pet Pedroia will have MVP seasons, and that Pedro guy who killed us last year — maybe he can hit .270. Maybe John Lackey and Clay Buchholtz will win 20. Maybe that rookie 3B is for real. 
  But the AL East is looking like the football equivalent of the ACC. And that won’t change even if I have to learn how to spell “Schierholtz.” (Hey, are we thinking of a Holey 3?)

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