Monday, November 4, 2013

Hey Yankees, let's wipe those smiles off Boston faces and sign Jarrod Saltalamacchia.

The Redsocks today extended qualifying offers to Stephen Drew, Jacoby Ellsbury and Mike Napoli. That means they offer each of them $14 million, and if the guys sign elsewhere, Boston gets a first-round pick. Hording first-round picks is how they keep up their farm system.

Let's hope that Drew takes the offer, (I doubt they really want him) that Ellsbury runs to Seattle (His replacement, Jackie Bradley Jr., is no sure thing) and that Napoli uses his current popularity to fleece them for a three-year deal. (One of these days, he'll slide into Travis Hafnerland.)

One guy they didn't extend an offer to: catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia.

This instantly should end all speculation about the Yankees signing Brian McCann of the Braves.

For the record: I hate having to learn to spell Jarrod Saltalamacchia. Nevertheless, to show the kind of commitment this blog makes to the Yankees, I am hereby DEMANDING that we load a truck-full of $100 bills and drive it up and down his street with a sound system outlining how badly the Yankees want him.

MR. STEINBRENNER, I AM CALLING UPON YOU TO SIGN THIS GUY. SPEND WHATEVER IT TAKES! YOU GOT THE BUCKS. DON'T BE POOR-MOUTHING US. SIGN SALTY.  

Think about it:

1. We poke Boston in the eye. HAH!

2. They don't even get a draft pick.

3. They don't have another catcher waiting in the wings.

4. He's only 28. (McCann is 30.) He's a switch-hitter. (Jorge II?) He's used to playing in NY-BOS pressure situations.

5. The guy can hit. He's actually getting better.


And what happens if he worms out and says, "Oh, I don't want to sign with the Yankees. I'm going to stay loyal to the Redsocks, because they are a magical team in a magical city?" At the worst, we double the amount of money Boston must shell out to keep him. The more they pay him, the angrier they'll be if he gets hurt.

This is the signing we need. They can sign Chris Stewart. They can chase Francisco Cervelli. Maybe Wil Nieves can fill the bill!

MR. STEINBRENNER, THE FUTURE IS NOW. STRIKE A BLOW FOR OLD NEW YORK. MAKE SALTY A YANKEE.

5 comments:

KD said...

He's under 30 and his name reminds me of one of my favorite Italian dishes. sign him.

Mustang said...

Jesus, duque, the ideas you get. You know he was yanked from the Series, right? That he made two bad throws to third, ending with the Middlebrooks Planking, and was never seen again? And that he struck out one million times?

Mustang said...

To clarify: he struck out one million times in the postseason.

KD said...

Yes, Mustang, we all saw Dave Ross play. What you fail to appreciate is how the nurturing and magical Yankee environment brings out the best in all our players. His poor postseason performance is a net plus. He'll come much cheaper!!

el duque said...

It'll hurt them. They need to be taught a lesson. IT IS TIME TO TAKE THE REDSOCKS TO THE WOODSHED, AND TO SHOW THEM THEY CANNOT JUST SIMPLY WIN THE WORLD SERIES WITHOUT PAYING A PRICE. THAT PRICE WOULD BE SALTY. I SAY, SIGN HIM, PAY HIM WHATEVER IT TAKES, AND HAVE HIM GO ON TV AND RENOUNCE HIS FORMER WAYS. LET THEM LEARN THAT CHAMPIONSHIPS ARE NOT FREE. MAYBE THAT WILL WIPE THE SMUG GRINS OFF THEIR FACES, EH? YOU WOULD SIMPLY SIT BACK AND TAKE YOUR PADDLING AND SAY, "THANK YOU, SIR, I'LL HAVE ANOTHER?" IS THAT YOUR REACTION TO A BEATING? YOU, SIR, HAVE THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. I, ON THE OTHER HAND, WANT TO FIGHT BACK. IS THAT WRONG?