Monday, November 25, 2013

Thanksgiving? Bah. I'm going to start a new tradition: THINGS I HATE!

1. Thursday Night Football on the NFL Channel.

Thursday Night Football isn't the only reason to hate the NFL. But it's the most karmic reason. Thursday Night Football is the most obvious, the most naked, form of fan extortion in professional sports. 

Every week, two cities are told to dig into their pockets and ante up to watch their teams play. Years ago, the NFL network forced its way into cable systems nationwide simply by threatening to withhold games from fans who love their teams. No lizard that ever walked the earth is as cold-blooded as the NFL human briefcases who came up with the idea. Why did they do this? Because the league wasn't raking in enough money. There will be a special dung heap in Hell for these guys. It would almost be worth it to be in Hell first, just to see the looks on their faces when they walk in the door.

Listen: I yowl about Bud Selig every day. Even when not ripping him on this blog, I am shrieking into the abyss about Bud the Rug. But in his most malevolent moments, Bud can't hold a sulfur-scented candle to the grubby, old-money, Viagra-sucking toads who run the NFL. In virtually everything they do - from  ignoring the use of steroids (350 pound guards? Come on!) to their longstanding denial of concussions (somebody should have gone to jail) - they set the gold standard for sports greed.

OK, I know what you're thinking: Who am I to pretend to have some grand moral platform beneath my feet? You're right. I just get angry when the Giants play Thursday night, and I can't watch. Well, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful that the Giants are out of it, so I don't have to worry about whether they'll be playing on Thursday night. Good riddance.


JM said...

Salary cap, my ass. Just another way to keep more money in the owners' pockets and less in the players'. Yet how many times have you heard a football fan say they should have a cap in baseball? Why? Because the Yankees have an unfair advantage. Because it would make small market teams more competitive. And why haven't baseball owners adopted this wealth-saving measure? Because then the smaller market Bud's...couldn't pocket the luxury tax that they're supposed to use to be more competitive.

Evil, all of them. The only silver lining is that the NFL owners tend to be old, ugly, fat, or all three. Unlike the boyish charm of our own Harold.

KD said...

The NFL has built itself on blood and gore, combat and such crap. will violence-addicted fans stick with them as they try to make the game safer?