Red Barber, Mel Allen and David Cone walk into a bar....

By commentator Doug K.

... and they run up a huge tab. Unfortunately none of them brought any money with them. So the owner comes out from the back and he says, “I will let you slide on the bill if you do some announcing for me.”

The three of them look at each other and say, “Sure, why not? What you you like us to call?” and the owner says, “You see that guy over there? Every night he comes in here and he picks a fight. It’s getting tiresome. But if you guys call the fight it might make it more enjoyable for the rest of the patrons.

Sure enough ten minutes later the guy is in someone’s face. Red Barber goes, “This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all. Looks like we’ve got a rubarb! Oh doctor!” and the owner says, “That’s good. OK you can go.”

As Red is leaving the bar the guy starts to shove one of the patrons and the owner points to Mel Allen. And Mel says, “ Hello everybody this is Mel Allen. It’s a beautiful day for a bar fight. The little guy swings.. oh he took a good cut but hit the waitress. How about that!” And the owner says, “Thanks. You can go” and as Mel walks out the door he says, “I am going..going.. gone”

So now the fight is getting out of control and he turns to David Cone and Coney says, “ I think I know that guy. He and I used to cruise the bars together when I was with the Royals. It was different time back then.” And the owner says, “Are you going to call the fight or what?” and Coney says, “Nah fuck that. I’m out of here” and he starts to leave.

Just then the owner and the bartender leap across the bar grab him and as Coney goes flying through the window he says, “ I have a launch angle of 38 degrees and an exit velocity of 10 MPH.“