Saturday, March 1, 2008

Why Hank's right about "restoring the universe to order."

"We're going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order."
-- Hank Steinbrenner --

Last October, the New England Redsocks won...

Now, a recession looms...


Since 1912, the Yanks have dominated baseball in all but six distinct periods, each characterized by unrest, economic downturns and war.

1. World War I (1913-1921):
No pennant; more than 600 games lost. Red Sox win fourth Series in six years. Flu epidemic kills 650,000.

2. The Great Depression (1929-1931): No pennant. In October 1929, the Yanks finish 18 games out. Within weeks, the New York Stock Exchange collapses.

3. World War II (1941-46): One mere championship, team ravaged by military draft, massive deaths, finishes third or lower most years.

4. Vietnam War-Watergate (1965-1975): No pennant, no hitting, resignation of Richard Nixon, numerous managers.

5. Recession, Iran-Contra, Gulf War (1982-1995). No pennant. In 1986, White House trades arms for hostages, and Yanks trade Doug Drabek for Rick Rhoden.

6. War on Terror (Sept. 11, 2001-present): No championship. And the Redsocks -- the terrorists -- have two.

To the average American, Yankee supremacy is normal.

Thus, each Yank loss heightens our collective sense of insecurity, undermining the nation's political and economic health.

By rooting for the Yankees, we at IT IS HIGH are rooting for America and trying to avoid recession.

And you who would root against us... ask yourself:

Do you care about your country?


Wailin' Suzyn said...

Oh, great. El Duque discovered what all those little buttons are on the blog tool.


Anonymous said...

Those who sell guns and bullets for a living won't give a damn. They're too busy transferring money to some foreign bank.

Alphonso said...

What buttons?

What blog tool?

Go Jesus with the big stick.