Wall to wall events make Yankees the Donald Trump of baseball teams

Listen: All this has happened in less than a week.

1. Giancarlo hits two HRs, leading joyous opening day win. 

2. Hicks tweaks gonad, returns to home on DL.

3. Billy McKinney called up, singles in first at bat.

4. Tanaka solid, Yanks look invincible.

5. McKinney hits wall, hurts shoulder, channels Dustin Fowler? 

6. Adam Warren hit by come-backer, goes out.

7. Tyler Austin hits two mammoth HRs, wasted when...

8. ... Betances blows up, blows game.

9. Judge plays CF. Yankiverse cringes.

10. Judge mini-slump begins to pinch.

11. Boone pitching moves trigger brutal bullpen collapse.

12. Yanks slink out of Toronto with split that feels like loss.

13. Ben Heller reports bone spurs, out indefinitely.

14. Blizzard delays home opener.

15. Could Yankees lose someone in new, condom-snorting craze?

It's wayyyyy too early to get a read on the 2018 Yankees. But this team is like Trump - nonstop action, never a dull moment, en route to... gulp... who knows? 

At this rate, by June 1, Aaron Boone will be ready to jump from the Tappan Zee. The Yankees need a week where nothing seems to happen - nobody gets hurt, we win more than we lose, nobody gives Vladimir Putin a foot rub, and Alphonso doesn't end up wailing to the gods like William Shatner in Star Trek II.  

When the Yankees obtained Giancarlo, they set themselves up as the ulitimate NYC media target, with expectations so high that anything below a championship will be disappointing. But today, I hope the Yankiverse just slows down at bit. A nice 5-1 win, nobody Ruthian, nobody hurt, nobody collapsing... just a day at the library.