Sunday, October 14, 2007

Yankeetorial: Let the Healing Begin Between our Nations

On behalf of all Yankees, we stand in support of the Red Sox people...

We want peace.

In fact, as we face another early winter, our only consolation is knowing that our dear friends, the Redsocks of Boston, are carrying the proud torch of the American League East.
We've come to love the Redsocks and their players.
We admire not only Curt Schilling's physical beauty, but his intellect. On his blog, the Master teaches us about politics and economic theory. If we're lucky enough to see him in the flesh, he inspires us with tales from yesteryear, such as - well, how about that bloody sock from 2004, the magical year when the Sox magically overcame the "Curse of the Bambino." He is a magical man.
Then there's Manny Ramirez, whose signature homerun display - standing majestically at home plate until the TV networks break forcommercial, and then starting his four-minute victory trot - delights traditionalists everywhere.
And the great Japanese pitcher, DaisukeMatsuzaka, worth every penny of the $51 million Boston paid for his phone number, so it could pay him another $52 million to anchor the pitching staff. Against the Angels, "Dice-K" twirled a nifty 4-and-2/3rdsinning gem. For that kind of return on investment, we consider him an honorary Yankee.
We expect Boston to win the Series. We pray for well played games, with no embarrassing controversy or career-ending injuries. Why, if David "Big Papi" Ortiz were to get dusted-off a few times, we would never forgive the dirty, rotten pitcher who did the deed.
We wish we could hear those warm-hearted Fenway Park chants, but -- alas -- our October will be leftto carving pumpkins, bobbing for apples and monitoring the pennant race for America's greatest supermodel.
To all Bostonites, we say: May our Yankee post-season luck - along with the next round of ads for "Frank TV" - be yours.


Mustang said...

Like I always say. The American League East is a family.

Great editorial, duque. Reminiscent of Yes, Virgina, There Is A Santa Claus, and The Clock Is Ticking For The Death Tax. Destined to be carried in wallets and taped to cash registers for generations to come.

rap said...

Maybe on the Bizarro World...

Anonymous said...

Great work, Mr Duque, and , I assume, all from biblical memory.

Though no one I know is as adept at that, off the cuff so to speak, as Mr. SuperFrankenstein.

But I digress.

We should make these kind gestures to Iran, Iraq, Syria, Yemen. the Hezzies, Hasmasses and all sources of religious-based hatreds and firestorms.

If we can wish these wishes on our hated, despicable bretheren to the north, why not extend the
same " Yankee " fate to our stone age driven friends in the middle east?

Wasn't the Bible written in the Stone Age ( 6000 years ago, right, at the very beginning of the anti-abortion movement), and passed down from ( burning )pillar to post? And let's not ever forget the burning Bush.

But I digress again.

So the Bible finally got type-set somewhere later on ( somewhere in Tennessee , I think ), and was marketed by El Vatican and El Evangelical Presses?

Peace Doves of a feather, no?

- The Arch Cardinal Richlieu.

For those heathen fans, please note that the Cardinal in my name does not reveal a secret love for anyone on that team in St. Louis.