Monday, October 8, 2007

I have broken the Cleveland Code

Comrades,

Last night, for the first time this postseason, I found my ju-ju.

Before each pitch to a Yankee, I circle the living room with both arms raised, think Nixon, then collapse to the dog and stroke his head. Then I jump up to watch the pitch.

Hideki Matsui, infield hit. Robbie Cano, double. Johnny Damon, three-run homer. IT WORKS.

I didn't use it in the late innings, because we had a lead.

I'd keep it a secret, but there's a problem: I WILL NOT GET HOME TONIGHT UNTIL AROUND 11 P.M.

Somebody has to carry us until I get home.

THINK: WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN DAMON HOMERED? THINK, DAMMIT, THINK!

10 comments:

Mustang said...

Where the hell am I going to get a dog?

And what if I get a dog and it turns out that it only works with your dog? I'm stuck with a useless dog for twelve, fifteen years.

I don't know about this.

el duque said...

Getting a dog would be stupid. You can't just copy me. That might even backfire. Use your head.

I'm asking you to think for once in your life, dammit, think.

It's now or never. Somehow, they summoned those insects in Cleveland, because they had a cloaking device. I took me three games and five innings last night to crack their ENIGMA code.

I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING, SUPERFRANKENSTEIN. PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

Anonymous said...

I definitely switched from the couch to the leather chair. Money. Superfrankenstein, you have to do a live-blog of your cigarette breaks so we can win again.

Mustang said...

OK, I get it.

When Damon homered I was listening to Suzyn & Sterling and mocking them on this blog.

So that's what I'll do tonight.

It might work, it might not. But at least it'll keep me away from TBS, with their cameras left over from the Merv Griffin Show and their Frank TV.

Anonymous said...

"Think Nixon"


Trot or Richard?


BBB

Anonymous said...

Not sure what cable provider you use, but TBS HD does exist. I happened to go to Time Warner's website and found out what channel it was. Might be worth looking into...

rap said...

I was standing up after my dinner and burping.

I think I can do that again tonight.

I HAVE TO, dammit!

We also need Suzyn to sing the national anthem and Bernie to throw out the first pitch tonight, too!

Anonymous said...

I was watching the tape of the Giants' game when Damon homered, because the Yankees suck ( the Giants only suck of mediocrity ).

Every post season in this century, the Yankees have disappointed. And I can no longer stand the pain.

I can only help the Yankees by not watching.

Then,after an hour or two of the Yankee game has elapsed, something in my brain forces me to hit the channel where the game is showing.

I see we are ahead and, if we are batting, I'll watch until the first Yankee pops up, or flails at, and misses, a terrible pitch that would have been ball four. If Cleveland is up, I'll only watch until we throw a first pitch ball.

Then, I go back to the Giants tape. At game's end, I stay up until 2:00am watching all the Yankee chatter.

Then I fall asleep at work the next day.

It is the best I can do.

After all, I am fishing in Alaska with David Wright, Tyler Clippard and Edwar.

-- Fonzy

Anonymous said...

Dear Super...

Haven't you ever heard of rent-a-dog?

You can get, for a weekend, a pit bull recently tranquilized from behind a chain-link fence in a local drug raid, any day. The phone lines are open 24/7 and the dog comes with chains and a steel post.

Visitation food is provided by the police department. You only have to provide water and attend to what is euphemistically called,
" waste removal."

Otherwise, give him love and teach him baseball. Some are very trainable and can learn "directed" responses to certain logos worn by certain players and fans.

The idea is to see if a warm and loving home can help these cuddly animals "find themselves" again.

The "Rent-a-pit bull"organization does suggest that you not have any other living creatures within a 400 meter radius, until he
has " settled in " with you.

Also, it is not a great idea to ever look him in the eye. And if you feel ready, petting with a steel mesh glove is encouraged.

If you and the pit bull don't exactly "bond" over the weekend or, in your case, during the Yankee game, you can always return it to the Senior Center Visitation program.

This program is similar to " zip cars " only for pit bulls. Get one when you need one.

- Aspca ( Attica Division )

Anonymous said...

Alphonso said...

El Duque: it is fine and dandy that you are going off tonight to some antiquated rock 'n roll concert, but it won't make you any younger.

You won't be in a mosh pit. You won't even be in a mud pit, and there will be no free, gratuitous sex available. You won't be snorting LSD or eating peyote buttons.

You will be in a twead coat, wearing a short wide tie with a map of the Adirondacks hand-painted on it. Probably drinking chardonnay ( OK, so you don't like wine). Are you tracking with me here?

This diversion could harm the Yankees' limited good karma and, if they lose, this post season failure will be on you.

If you do go, I think you must bring a radio, and perform the same "ju-ju" at the concert, as though you were in your living room.

No one will notice a few strange gyrations and chants anyway.

In fact, if you can get everyone around to "follow your lead," and perform the exact same ju-ju at the exact time, we may get some positive vibes out of this afterall.

We are at a serious moment in a serious business, and I worry that you are being self-serving, if not frivilous.

Just look at all the smoking that SuperFrank is doing for the cause.

And I took all those "early out" baseball dudes fishing in Alaska, for cripes sake.

Try to get it right.

This is Mr. Torre's last shot and Derek is hitting .067.