Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Due to Financial Crisis, Hank Urges No Postseason

Due to the ongoing economic crisis and the future uncertainty of the financial sector, Hank Steinbrenner has petitioned Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig to postpone all postseason play until further notice.

"This is a time of national crisis, so I'm told," Steinbrenner said at a press conference today. "As such, it is our patriotic duty to suspend any talk of championships until such time as the situation has calmed down. That time probably being next February or March."

When asked if this was an unwarranted intrusion into the national game, Steinbrenner replied, "We cannot lose sight of the fact that millions of fans around the Northeast and in the Boca Raton area are facing terrible uncertainty this fall. Until that uncertainty lifts, we shouldn't proceed with the postseason. "

Such a move would prevent many millions of dollars being spent on games, money which could be used to alleviate the nation's lending and mortgage crises, according to Steinbrenner. It would also "buy time for brokerage and investment firms, so they can more easily afford skyboxes next year. I'm not talking about just our skyboxes, but also those for the Mets. I'm not being a selfish douche about this, believe me."


Anonymous said...

He's right, dammot!

We should stop what we're doing RIGHT NOW, until this thing gets settled.

Take a week off, then we sit down and decide who should be in the post-season and who should not. Maybe we can hold a round-robin, or draw conclusions based on the last month of the season.

But to just go willy-nilly into the playoffs, as if nothing has happened, that's crazy.

No. It's dangerous.

Alibi Ike said...

It's the last thing this country needs right now!

That, and an election.

Anonymous said...

This is all due to the sub-prime free agent bubble. Pavano, Giambi, Pettitte, IRod, Igawa, Farnsworth, Sexson, Hawkins.
MLB shouldnt bail out Wall Street for these reckless trades. There was no reason to think these talentless, injury prone, old hags would ever produce a single worthwhile game performance.
I say we let them suffer and prosecute the legislators who enabled these frivolous trades.