Monday, September 8, 2008

Should the Feds Put the Yanks into Receivership?

The Bush administration has seized Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and it's going to cost We the People a hell of a lotta rubles -- you know, bread, cabbage, dough, scoot, dinero -- but it won't do any good.

To fix our rapidly sinking economy, the feds must take over the Yankees.

A quick fix infusion of -- ohh, let's say $1-2 billion -- could do the job.

We'd buy the Tampa Bay Rays and Anaheim Angels of Los Whatever, merge them into one Yank team, and have it in the new Stadium next spring.

For stability of fan base, we would keep Jeet, Joba and Dan Giese (blue-collar symbol.)

The rest play at Scranton.

By restoring the Yankees atop the baseball world, the feds immediately would stabilize U.S. markets.

News of Yank wins would send Wall Street soaring, and distressed bank lenders would say, "Wow, the hope that is exhuded by the Yankees gives us confidence to free-up loans for families!"

Union bosses and their jingo-corporate masters (pictured at right) would drop their antagonisms and work together for the common good. Republicans and Democrats would form a coalition, with Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann teaming up next September for the national telethon against muscular distrophy.

Royal families across the Middle East -- watching from afar -- would stop quarreling and find themselves glued to the YES Network.

The carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, which causes global warming, will assume a sentient consciousness and say to itself, "I just can't fry a world when the Yankees are winning! Let's go back to regular climate and freeze up those ice caps, back to where they should be!"

Oh, yes... it could happen. Oh, yes...

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