Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Angels are Scared: They HAVE to be Talking Sarcastically, right?

These are the funniest locker room quotes since Fred "The Hammer" Williamson told Vince Lombardi to go to hell. It's in an story headlined "ANGELS BRACE FOR BOMBERS VISIT."

(Note to the headline writer: Whoever you are, send your humor to us. You've got a touch.)

Check this out. I had Cheerios coming out of my nose.

"They're in a must-win situation every day," first baseman Mark Teixeira said. "Every game they play is going to be like the seventh game of the World Series."

Hahahahahhahahahhaha! Seventh game of the World Series? Is that how we played Seattle Sunday? Maybe the seventh game of spring training.

OK, get a grip. Here's another.

"They're always tough to beat with their lineup," K-Rod said. "They're the Yankees."

Hahahahhaha! This is the team that has been held to less than 3 runs more than anybody else in baseball. (Note: In honor of the presidential campaign, I am making up facts. There is no research here. All numbers are boldfaced lies. Hey, if it's good enough for America, it's good enough for me.)

From Scot Shields: "They need every win they can get -- and some help, too. We know we're going to get their best. We always do."

Hahahahahah! Los Angeles must not have news coverage. Everybody must have 18-year-old models come to their houses every day, which means they don't have time to read the sports pages. That would explain it.

Let's close with Juan Rivera, the guy we traded -- no, dumped is how we described it, because some genius in the Yank braintrust didn't think highly of Rivera -- with Nick Johnson for game seven playoff hero Javier Vazquez.

"I know those guys," he said of the pinstripers. "I know they're good. They're the Yankees. It's in the name."

Yeah. The name. It's still the same. If there was anybody innocent, they'd change it to protect them.


Dr. Brown said...

I was sipping my cel-ray, thinking how grateful I was that we have Carl to take us down the stretch drive well into December, even January. Hell, who cares? We can run that pennant drive right into the Opening Day at the new Stadii. Matter of fact, that way we can almost guarantee victory. The other teams will still be showing up at the old stadium- which will be a pile of rubble out of respect for our 3rd baseman- and we'll be kicking some butt without them even on the field, just up the street a block. All part of the Master Plan, eh, Hank, you lunkhead?

Anonymous said...

Juan Rivera was being sincere...he's afraid the Yanks will boobytrap him again with another golf cart to run into whilst shagging flyballs. Maybe this time they'll run the cart into him during the game.