Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Should We Lay Against Tampa Bay? YES!

In the spirit of Buck Showalter, pulling his Texas starters in the last game of 2005 so the Angels could secure playoff home field advantage over the Yanks, it's time to roll out our last trick of this wretched season.

After losing the next two to Anaheim, we return for three games against the struggling, rapidly crumbling Tampa Bay Martha Rays. They lost last night, and their lead over Boston is as thin as a coat of Windex.

All we have left in this 2008 race is the roll of spoiler.

Let's lose three!

Yes, its time to give the fans something back - and be realistic. We've been so out of the pennant race, without acknowledging it, that we've begun to sound like George Bush discussing how great things are. Now, we have a chance to hurt the Redsocks.

Let's lose three!

OK, I know what you are thinking -- Mercy! Cover my ears! He talks blasphemy, wanting to lose a game! Mama! Papa! Get me Mydol! Well, listen to me, you little punk-ass worm fans, your blind willingness to support these bozos, no matter what they do, is the reason we're about to destroy the greatest cathedral in American sports simply so millionaires won't have to rub elbows with you during future games. And, frankly, I don't blame them. When the scoreboard says "NOISE," you make noise. When it says "CLAP," you clap. As far as I'm concerned, it should say "MOO," or "PUNCH YOUR YOURSELVES IN THE FRICKIN HEAD, MORONS" because that's what you'd do.

Three reasons why we should lose three to Tampa.

1. Hell, we're gonna lose anyway. We suck. Lose on purpose, (wink, wink) and we'll be cool, sort of like Brad Pitt losing in Fight Club. (Did he lose in Fight Club? Who cares? In the spirit of the Presidential race, I get to say anything without checking facts.)

2. Higher draft pick next June. That means we can draft the best young pitcher in baseball who will need Tommy John surgery. You know what would be really cool? We draft the same guy we drafted this year, the one who didn't sign -- and then he has Tommy John surgery.

3. The Redsocks would do it to us. Theo Epstein would catch the clap if he thought he could pass it onto Cashman. (Hmm-mm, wait a minute: Idea forming... what if instead of saying "CLAP," the scoreboard said, "CATCH CLAP!")

Look within yourselves for the answer.

Pitch Ponson three straight games?

Let's lose three!

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