Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wall Street Journal computation: 1 A-Rod HR trot = 4 Sterling WinWarbles

Science has already shown the time it takes a home run to leave the playing field conforms precisely to the duration of the male orgasm. This, of course, was Abner Doubleday's greatest feat of engineering, and he sought competiton to another national pastime.

Thus, we must view A-Rod's victory trot as the pillow talk that follows the blast. He's lighting a cigarette for us, rubbing our back, assuring us that he is still here.

As opposed to Curtis Granderson, who is in such a hurry to help some troubled teenager that he has already put on his pants and is halfway out the door before we've even rolled over.

Here is the chart, compiled by the Wall Street Journal. Viewing the work on display, it's hard to imaging how Goldman Sachs got away with it for so long.

That is the equivalent of 4 solid WinWarbles.


Joe De Pastry said...

Mantle and DiMaggio never stood there admiring their homers, and they got around the bases quickly, like Jeter does.

Some people got class, some don't.

Bye Bye Balboni said...

To be fair, Joe, Jeter's homers are rarely hit hard enough for him to know they're gone off the bat. He HAS to hurry in case the ball bounces off the wall or something.

Not saying he's not classy. I'm just saying.

Joe De Pastry said...

Good point.
But that doesn't excuse A-Hole's posing at the plate and getting around the bases so slowly.
And if you're old enough to remember Mantle, you know that there wasn't any doubt about most of the ones he hit, and he got around quickly anyway.