Monday, April 19, 2010

Yankeetorial: Yesterday, anyone who watched the final inning of Boston's 7-1 loss had to be impressed by the unbridled jubilation of the Fenway crowd...

... Because it was beautiful. They were the Whos, rejoicing in the Whoville Town Square, despite the theft of Christmas. Rather than boo their team, which had lost three to Tampa, they cheered the lone run crossing the plate. They sang. They hugged. They danced in the bleachers. They were home again.

For 80 years, they had come to love the oppression of each certain loss. It became their identity, their security blanket, the psychic thread connecting them to their grandparents. They were "long-suffering Redsock fans," the tribe of Bill Buckner and Jim Lonborg. They could yell anything. They could go anywhere. Nobody ever accused them of juicing, over-spending, or mirroing the Yankees. Most importantly, they were free to hate Yankee fans... without hating themselves.

Thanks to the Curse of the Bambino, they had nothing to lose.

Then came 2004, Ever since, Boston has demanded victory and hated whatever replaced it. They made Manny crazy, then ran him out of town. They turned on Jason Bay. They turned on Dice K and Papelbon. Now comes the tar and feathering of Big Papi. Then J.D. Drew and Youk.

Yes, in their current mindset, it's inevitable that they even sour on Youk.

But Sunday, around 5 p.m., Boston glimpsed the memory of freedom.

Down 7-0, the fans suddenly had shed their shackles of victory. Mike Cameron doubled, moved to third and scored a meaningless run, making the game 7-1. The crowd was in ecstacy.

Never has a fan base been more tired of winning.

Never has a people more needed an open month of October.

This is a city bone tired of competing with the Yankees.

This is a city ready to finish fourth.

We must help our neighbors. When Rudy Giuliani in 2007 described his loyalty to the American League East, this is what he meant. It is time to free the people of Boston from the shackles of Yankee envy.

Yes, Boston... you can go home again. Let us help.


Uncle Mike said...

I agree with the entire post, except for one thing: Red Sox fans did not make Manny crazy. They may have fed his neuroses -- stuffed them, even -- but he was already nuts.

In Terry Pluto's excellent book about his hometown Cleveland Indians, "Our Tribe," he wrote a chapter comparing Manny to Shoeless Joe Jackson, another great hitter whose mental capacities were often questioned. He interviewed Manny's coach at New York's George Washington High School, who said if you asked him to show up at 1:00 on a Saturday for practice, he'd be there at 1:00. But if you asked him to show up for the team picture, you'd be wondering where he was.

I don't know what planet Manny lives on. It's not Earth, nor is it Darryl Dawkins' homeworld of Lovetron. It certainly isn't Vulcan, because Manny is highly illogical. Nor is it Gallifrey, which is good, because the thought of Manny trying to operate a TARDIS is chilling.

GWC3 said...

Come on, guys. They're a small market team. How can they possibly compete in the AL East with only a $122,435,399 payroll?

Shortfinals said...

... Uncle Mike said...

"Nor is it Gallifrey, which is good, because the thought of Manny trying to operate a TARDIS is chilling."

THAT'S it! Manny is a Time Lord! I can see him as Patrick Troughton - quirky, scatter-brained, not of this planet!

david bellel said...

The Bosox seem to have caught Chan Ho's diarrhea

Kenny Phelps said...

Alec Sulkin, redsox fan (and voice actor) - "As a longtime Red Sox fan, I find it sadly comforting that we're terrible again."

Once again, "It is High..." is dead on.

Joe DePastry said...

Because Tampa's doing so well and Boston's doing so poorly I actually thought that maybe I should be rooting for the Red Sox yesterday.
But once the game started, I couldn't do it.