Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Congratulations to Tampa Bay Rays for winning 2011 Battle for City of Tampa Bay

Give the Devils their due: Oompa beat us 3-1 last night, fair'n'square, to capture Spring 2011 bragging rights to their city, even if they must play in the area's second most expensive facility, behind St. Jetersburg.

In their ongoing quest to compete with the Yankees press clippings, the Tampons have assembled an amazing multitude of Bronx backstories, past and future pinstripers. They're like a sequel producer who couldn't get Brad and Angelina, but picked up all the bit cast from the original.

Consider these Yankee backstories:

Johnny Damon: 'Nuff said. (The goal for 2011 should be to put Tampa in our rearview, then obtain Johnny in a trade for the playoffs.)

Manny Ramirez:  'Nuff spat. Always claimed he wanted to play for Yankees. Nevah gonna happem.

Kyle Farnsworth: Penciled in for late-inning stress. Hahahahahahahahahhaa. Ve shall see vat ve shall see.

David Price: Will always be compared to Phil Hughes. Future Yankee, too.

Jeff Neimann: Yankee killer, also potential future Yankee, if we decide to switch to basketball.
Kelly Stoppach: Broke up CC's no-hitter last year. Forever on shitlist.

Evan Longora: Dethroned A-rod on all-star team, though mostly because voters confuse him with star of Desperate Housewives.Let's see if he holds up or becomes Eric Chavez. (Note to Eric Chavez: Have good year, and I'll delete that line.)
BJ Upton: Rumored trade subject all last winter. Cashman sniffed, but Rays wanted island of Manhattan, Jersey, Connecticut and scraps of underware from Lady Gaga tour bus. When contract runs out, he'll still be young... catch my drift? Right now, trapped in a bad romance. Mwahahahahaha.

1 comment:

Professor Twain said...

Well done, amusing... only surprise is that you don't have Longo penciled in as a future Yankme.