Monday, March 14, 2011

Which is least likely: Earthquake, nuclear accident, Jeter drops pop-up?

This weekend, all three impossible events occurred, reminding us once again of humanity's painful inconsequence and deluded sense of control in the greater realm of nature.

For centuries, great philosophers and theologians have contemplated the hubris of humankind. Generally, it's accepted that Blue Oyster Cult -- the pride of Watertown, NY -- put it best:

"History shows again and again how nature points up the folly of man.

Earthquakes... partial meltdowns... they are part of life.

But Jeter dropping a pop-up... NO... it's just not supposed to happen.

We at IIHIIFIIc have drawn up several explanations for the nightmare scenario. 

Jeet let the ball drop because he...

1. Wanted to symbolically recreate the experience of puberty for millions of young boys during the International Month of the Child.

2. Heard A-Rod nearby yelling, "HA!"

3. Was charting brackets for the clubhouse NCAA pool and grew lost in contemplation.

4. Was trying to recall where he put the keys to St. Jetersburg.

5. Wanted our young pitching staff to get more game experience for the afternoon.

6. Had tears in his eyes, thinking about recent world events.

7. Had tears in his eyes, thinking about that scary lady who sells Restasis.

8. Thought he saw Mila Kunis sitting in the stands.

9. Was worrying that Minka might have seen Mila Kunis in the stands.


Alph said...

10. Was trying to show the rookie, Brewer, how to handle pop flies at the major league level.

Stang said...