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Thursday, June 27, 2019

A Get Well Card for Giancarlo

With apologies to the great Woody Guthrie.

Giancarlo came up and we cheered ourselves hoarse,
He'd break every record as a matter of course.
He huffed and he puffed and he swung like hell
And the next thing we know he's back on the DL!

Singin' so long, it's been good to know ya,
So long, it's been good to know ya.
But for this game I am too strong
And I gotta be driftin' along.

The Red Sox were wobbling they were ready to go,
Giancarlo said "I'll win it with one mighty blow.
I'll give it a ride, you should have no fear"—
And the next thing we know we're done for the year!

Sayin' so long, it's been good to know ya,
So long, it's been good to know ya.
I gotta get back to the weight room now
But wait'll next year I'll show ya and how!

Well, he swung the bat and he blew out his shoulder,
He slid into the bag and he rolled his knee over.
It's a good thing he can't play the field much,perhaps,
For if he caught a ball he might just collapse.

Singin' so long, it's been good to know ya,
So long, it's been good to know ya.
The balls he hits they sail far out of sight,
But as he circles the bags his hammies get tight.

His body is just like a well-oiled machine—
After it's been tenderized with a ball-peen.
He's got biceps of iron and abs of steel
But he just can't stay on the darned field!

Sayin' so long, it's been good to know ya,
So long, it's been good to know ya.
We're off to London to play for the queen,
And we hope while we're gone you won't rupture your spleen!


Anonymous said...



Alphonso said...

This is a brilliant " sing-a-long " Mr. Clark.

The only weakness; the promise of the refrain has no possibility of becoming true.

He will never be elsewhere. We shall know him forever.

Either on the DL, or walking back from the batter's box with his head low.

I have hated this deal from moment one.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, Alphonso. And yep, you called it. I fell for the hype, much to my chagrin.

I didn't think Giancarlo would quite be hitting 59 home runs, but I thought what the hey, we're getting him for next to nothing!

In so thinking, I missed the real problem: sticking us with his contract. And the fact that he could not stay on the field.

It will be interesting—in a sort of grotesque, horrible way, like looking over the entrails of a dead pigeon—to see how much Stanton DOES play.

Does he do Giambi time? Large swathes of some seasons, in between months on the GL? Or is he out for Pavanoesque years at a time? Or does he do the full Ellsbury?

Ah, me.

Anonymous said...

How did we get this second coming of Pavano? Oh never mind, I remember, it was that loser, cASSman and the gas man, Hell!!

Anonymous said...

Dude. You keep getting better and better.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Thanks, Doug K.! Now tell that to my wife.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Fun poll question:

Ten years from now, who will be the object of fonder Yankee memories?

Mike Stanton https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/stantmi02.shtml


Mike Stanton https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/s/stantmi03.shtml

Love that the Baseball Reference url for John Carlos has the 'mi' for Mike.

Depressing moment -- the *old* Mike Stanton is 7+ years *younger* than me.

Alibi Ike said...

With your permission, I'll pinch this to post on Bardball Monday.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Good by me! Happy to have it out there.

HC 66

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, yeah, Rufus: the "old" Mike Stanton was lights out in the postseason, especially.

Had a mediocre 2001 playoffs and a bad 2002 ALDS versus LA. But 1997—through the 2001 ALDS, he pitched 19 1/3 innings, allowing just 15 hits, 4 walks, no homers, and only 3 earned runs, while striking out 20.

Essentially, pitching in big situations, under intense pressure against top teams, he had 1 bad outing—2 earned runs in 2/3 of an inning versus San Diego in 1998—out of 21.

Some would even call that clutch.

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