Kevin Baker's book is here!

Kevin Baker's book is here!
"... an exemplary sports book..." Kirkus Reviews

Friday, June 7, 2019

A Message from Management

Hello, Dave, and the rest of you loyal Yankees customers.  Hal here, with an important message.

No, don't try to leave the page.  Thanks to the new technology we were able to procure from the NSA, your computer will not permit that.  (The government is so much more helpful these days.)

Do not attempt to turn your computer off, either, if it is your intention to ever turn it back on.  Another helpful device from the people keeping you safe at Homeland Security.

Lately, our control center has been monitoring a rising number of complaints from many of the users of this website, in regard to our corporate strategy.  

That's not in the best interests of this mission.

Using a complex set of algorithms, YankeesInc has already managed to determine the greatest possible confluence between customer satisfaction, and maximum Steinbrenner family profits.

Don't say that, Warbler.  Yes, thanks to new security features courtesy of the Australian police, I can now read your lips.  And frankly, Warbler, we have had many reports about your attitude already.  Just a friendly tip.

It has come to our attention that most recent complaints have centered on the failure of YankeesInc to sign a tonsolarly challenged renegade from the MLB System known as Keuchel, Dallas.

Your imprecations are misplaced.  Our predictive calculations show a high indication that subject Keuchel, Dallas, will be the victim of a vehicular accident in the near future, rendering his services to his new owners null and void.

Where are you going, Doug K.?  No, you do not have to use the bathroom.  Our internal organ scans indicate that will not be a necessity for the next 17 minutes.

You may rest assured that all possible procedures will be followed to keep the New York Yankees a contender for the One-Game Wild-Card Play In until at least the final two weeks of September.

Don't worry.  Be happy.

I have to deliver another important message to our subjects friends in Manchester, England, now, who are equally valued corporate customers.

Before I go, I would like everyone to sing.  Carl J. Weitz, it would be better if you just mouthed the words.

Altogether now, for your friend and protector, Hal:

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true—








22 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

FuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFuckerFucker

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, dear, WinWarblist. I think you need an attitude adjustment. Just lean a little closer to the screen. Clo-ser. Clo-ser. That's it—

13bit said...

This is @TheRealHalSteinbrenner and I approve of this message.

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh closer, Hoss, closer ...

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh, I love you people so much!




But not Hal. He's a miserly fucker.

TheWinWarblist said...

Didi is 2 for 2!

Leinstery said...

Is Kendrys Morales attempting the impossible and making us miss Greg Bird?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Message to Ca$hmoney:

Please DFA Morales.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Leinstery, Maybe for his next feat, he'll turn lead into gold!

Leinstery said...

How did he survive Didi's return? I figured they'd cut him and have DJ be play 1st the days Voit sits.

JM said...

Morales cost us a run and Frazier a triple because he can't run. At all.

Why is he here?

JM said...

German isn't an ace. Nor a starter. Nor a reliever. Nor a major league pitcher at this point. The league has his number and he can't adjust and doesn't have enough tools to make him less predictable.

We need starters.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The Pharaoh was sent down to make room for Didi. Kinda makes sense to have the guy get regular playing time.

JM said...

They sent down Estrada to bring Didi back. Morales is still here. I'd love to hear the rationale.

JM said...

Oh, playing time. I guess. Still more valuable to the team than Morales. Still should be here. No brainier, to me.

TheWinWarblist said...

The middle of our order hands Plesac a 10 pitch 6th. Great. Not like Domingo is blowing wind or nothin'.

TheWinWarblist said...

Annnnnd the moron at the end of the bench sends him out there to go through the heart of the Cleveland line up a third time. Great plan. Velo. Spin rate. Idiot.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

A hot lick from Carlos Santana. I think I'm having a flashback, and not the good kind.

TheWinWarblist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TheWinWarblist said...

Dan Plesac is terrible on MLB TV, but his kid was still bringing it at 95 mph at the end of the 7th.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Sorry, I went to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy and missed the game. What an effort!

Isiyku Abdulahi said...


I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
God bless you
I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.